I need more out of my marriage than just a body that's never around

[lilmoma1973]

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help me here is my story me and husband has been together for 13 yrs married 8 and he really hasn't always been not here . we hardly spend anytime together .. i am tired of being married and alone he is always gone be it to his band or working on a car for someone or whatever .. the only time i feel anything gets done is when i bitch about it . i don't want this to be this way but it is. i don't know what to do ? he has a child i have raised since he was 2 and i have been his mom for 13 yrs he has a mom but she has had some issues and hasn't been there for him like hes needed it .. i have a better relationship with his child than he does.. the child has always confided in me.. my daughter is 4 and very attached to me and people say its because i give her way thats not true i disicipline her and make here mind .. she is so head strong and bossy and my husband always makes comments like" you act just like your moma" and i feel she has his temper .. i wish my daughter had a father like i did .. he worked but yet he always spent time with my mom and us 5 kids.. my husband procrastinates about everything .. when his daddy calls he comes running and if we ask him to do something for us all we get is static .. i am so sick of this situation sometimes i feel i would better off to leave this situation and find someone who wants to be there for my daughter and me but i worry about my step son who will he have when im not here.. my husband works everyday but he isn't there for us emotionally and i want and need that .. he is gone all weekend and harldy is here .. she thinks that i am going to leave her all the time and is always making sure i am around where ever we are by saying "im right here moma"

i don't want to break this family apart and tear these children up but if i say anything to my husband about the situation im being selfish.. i don't know what to do anymore .. i am thinking about going to conseling i really need someone to talk to my husband doesn't like communication we hardly do that .. please help me i need some advice i love my husband but i want more out of our relationship

[FolderWife]

Have you considered tagging along when your husband runs off? Whenever I go somewhere, my husband is MORE THAN WELCOME to come along. Whenever he goes somewhere, he usually asks if I want to go. If I want to go, then I'll go!

 

Quit sitting around waiting for him to come to you, and follow him!!!

[lilmoma1973]

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every since his dads wife died he has told my husband that" the women should stay home while the man rip the roads ".. he is always gone .. i don't want to tag along with him when he is working on cars and and doing man things .. i just don't understand why its all about him .. he is being selfish.. he didn't even get me a card for my bday..

[LillyRose]

Hello, have you all tried counseling? If so how did that go for you all? Have you stuck with any suggestions the counselor might have said? If you haven't tried counseling maybe you should. Some questions to ask yourselves if you have tried everything you know how. Is it really worth it anymore? Why do we continue to live in this marriage? Is it for the kids? (that is if you have any). (Which I wouldn't recommend staying for them, they know whats going on).

 

How is the intimacy level in the relationship? Do you even have one left? I'm sure you all love each other, however thats not the only thing in a marriage or relationship period. Is there trust? Honesty? Communication? If not, theres not a whole lot left. Please understand I'm not saying for you to give up, just some questions you might want to ask yourselves. Hope I helped some. Let me know. Hope all goes well.

[Butterfly_Queen]

He didn't even get you a b-day card? Hummm?? How about a mothers day card? Sounds as if his priorties are out of order. I had a friend that was in a similar situation a few years ago. He hardly ever stayed at home or when he did, he didn't really help around the house. When he did help it was because she made such a fuss over it. It should be a shared job between both people. House work, kids, etc. Finally after dealing with it for about 4 years and counseling, it still wasn't wrking out. She decided to leave. She took both their girls with them too. She stayed gone for about 2 or 3 months, and he was begging her to come back. She did, and things began to work out. I think she gave him a scare and showed him she meant business. He straighted up and decided to fly right after she left.

 

I'm not saying thats the answer to anything. However, sometimes thats what needs to happen in order for something to change. Sometimes it will and sometimes it wont. Thats a chance people have to take if they are willing to see where things go. Its all in what you want. Best of luck to you.