how do i get over not wanting to be submissive?

[bowwie]

how does one go about getting over hanpups about being submissive? i am noticing how this is reflecting on my relationship with my boyfriend and others before him. i do not like nor want to be submissive at all. by being submissive i mean giving in when i don't want to even if i know i should, or by not doing something he wants me to do because i hate anyone telling me what to do or even asking me to do something. now do go narrowing it all down to my two little examples because it is not just them two things. it is everything in my whole life basically that i have a very difficut time submitting to. i hate to appear weak and out of control i feel if i am not submissive then no one can tell me what to do or make me look like a fool. i hope someone has some ideas because this is stressing me out! long time ago i was with a very abusive boyfriend who cornered me in the kitchen for what seemed like hours with the pilot out on the oven and matches in hand. i was forced at that time to submit to his demands to stay in that corner and not to say anything! i hated the feeling of having to be submissive more then the fears that my life could end, seriouslly, that is how bad i am! do not use that as an example either as to what i am talking about, that did not CAUSE this, i was this way for many a year before that guy came along and went.

[befuddled11]

Seek professional help.

 

The issues you post about here, none of us are even remotely qualified to help you with. Even if we were, doing so "over the internet" isn't the method of doing it. This place truly isn't a substitute for getting the counselling/therapy you need from someone who's qualified. Why don't you just do it.

[moimeme]

You do need help to change your mindset. First of all, you have a LOT of issues. A few of our posters fought the idea of getting diagnosed and treated by a professional, but eventually have done so and been glad.

 

Now, about being 'submissive'. This is yet another control issue - and you have a whole bunch of them.

 

You want to be in control, and if you're not, you can't stand it.

 

The problem is that if you want to get along with people, you have to develop a genuine desire to GIVE to them, including sometimes giving up what you want so they will be happy. You don't do it grudgingly, but do it gladly because it makes them happy. You are too focused on you, what you want, and your issues, to let go enough control to want to give that way. Which, as Befuddled has pointed out, is just one more reason you should get yourself to a counsellor ASAP. Nobody can manage a relationship successfully if they can't give up control.