olivec Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Hi guys, It's been about 5 months since the breakup and i still feel soo angry inside and depressed about everything. I've gone n/c for about 2 months now and i know the relationship is over. But i still have days of overwhelming anger and just feel depressed for the rest of the time. I just dont know how to get out of this funk i'm in. I've gone out with my friends a few times and i have talked to a few girls and took one on a date. But I just still feel like crap most days or angry. I just wish I never met my ex gf. Before I met her I was happy confident guy. Now I just seemed to have lost myself and i dont know how to get back to my old self again. Tks Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Your feelings are normal, and you are just in the grief cycle/grieving process. Give yourself time and cut yourself some slack - lots of people are in the same boat, so you ARE in good company. I assure you of that;) Link to post Share on other sites
Finch Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 I will second Noh's comments. You are still grieving, and that takes time. The end of a relationship is a little bit like a death - you mourn for the demise of the vision of the future you saw with the person, you mull things you didn't get to say or wish you hadn't said, and often you go through stages of intense anger because you feel you wasted your time. If you were a happy, confidant guy before, you will get back to that state again. Don't beat yourself up over how you are feeling, or not getting over it fast enough, but at the same time stay busy, and don't dwell on things. Keep moving, and eventually that moving will become moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
LelouchIsZero Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Same here mate, I'm about 5 months out too. Things do get better though, apparently. Link to post Share on other sites
Author olivec Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Tks man, yeah i know its just something i have to go through. I think for me i'm at the stage of my life(in my early 30's) I want more and eventually want to get married. I had such high hopes with my ex and we were doing soo well at first and i thought she wanted things to go in the same direction. Plus i figured since she was in her 30's she was ready for something serious. Boy was i wrong about that and i figured i've gotten better at finding a person with the right qualities i'm looking for. Link to post Share on other sites
Author olivec Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 I will second Noh's comments. You are still grieving, and that takes time. The end of a relationship is a little bit like a death - you mourn for the demise of the vision of the future you saw with the person, you mull things you didn't get to say or wish you hadn't said, and often you go through stages of intense anger because you feel you wasted your time. If you were a happy, confidant guy before, you will get back to that state again. Don't beat yourself up over how you are feeling, or not getting over it fast enough, but at the same time stay busy, and don't dwell on things. Keep moving, and eventually that moving will become moving on. Tks finch, i know your right its just soo time consuming especially when you get older but you can't not help but to think after awhile about the future. I think that was my downfall i thought too much about our relationship becoming long term and she made it clear after awhile she didn't want that. But yes I hope to feel better and take any positives from this and grow as a person. Link to post Share on other sites
Author olivec Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Same here mate, I'm about 5 months out too. Things do get better though, apparently. Tks, appreciate the support. good luck with your recovery also. Link to post Share on other sites
ccfan Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 (edited) Hang in there man... this sep 28 is the one year mark since she dumped me and i still feel depressed , angry and sad (only to myself, nobody else notices). But i'm sure or at least hope that this will not last for another year. I'm also in my early 30s and i read somewere that at this particular age BU are so hard because we set our hopes and dreams into starting a family and when we see that go out the window the pain and anger is not something easy to forget, and we feel betrayed beyong any comprehension. I do wish too that there was a time machine so i can go back and prevent me from ever meeting her... oh well... Stay NC at ALL times, i mean defriend your ex and friends from every single way of comunication known to man.. that seems to help... 5 months is not that long (i know it seems like an eternity to you) to recover... erase any hope of getting back together, dress sharp, work hard, save money and we are here man.... you are not alone Edited September 6, 2011 by ccfan Link to post Share on other sites
Author olivec Posted September 6, 2011 Author Share Posted September 6, 2011 Hang in there man... this sep 28 is the one year mark since she dumped me and i still feel depressed , angry and sad (only to myself, nobody else notices). But i'm sure or at least hope that this will not last for another year. I'm also in my early 30s and i read somewere that at this particular age BU are so hard because we set our hopes and dreams into starting a family and when we see that go out the window the pain and anger is not something easy to forget, and we feel betrayed beyong any comprehension. I do wish too that there was a time machine so i can go back and prevent me from ever meeting her... oh well... Stay NC at ALL times, i mean defriend your ex and friends from every single way of comunication known to man.. that seems to help... 5 months is not that long (i know it seems like an eternity to you) to recover... erase any hope of getting back together, dress sharp, work hard, save money and we are here man.... you are not alone Tks man, I appreciate the kind words. nc has been hard but i know it must be done. And your right being in my 30's now has made dating harder because you wanna think when you get into a relationship theres a chance for something long term. ultimately i know i made a huge mistake with her, but i hope i'll meet the right woman eventually. Until then i'm definately gunna just focus on me right now and take a break on dating for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
Good Arms Posted September 6, 2011 Share Posted September 6, 2011 Hi guys, It's been about 5 months since the breakup and i still feel soo angry inside and depressed about everything. I've gone n/c for about 2 months now and i know the relationship is over. But i still have days of overwhelming anger and just feel depressed for the rest of the time. I just dont know how to get out of this funk i'm in. Hi, just wanted to say you're not alone, I'm still going between utter depression and anger, and I'm 9.5 months on from the end of my first relationship (lasted only <3 months). I felt blindsided when it ended just as I felt things had been at their best. It's really keeping me in total despair having to work within earshot of her four days a week. I know she's doing nothing wrong, and she's not going to stop living her life for my sake, even if she knew how hard this was for me, but I can't help but get angry inside when I hear her laughing and chatting to guys she sits with while I'm just trying to block it all out and going through sheer emotional hell each day. I'm also in my early 30s, and maybe it's harder for us as we're at the age where so many people are settling down. I can't believe how fast this year has gone, all the happy memories still feel like yesterday It's getting me even more down that it will soon be a year on from the breakup, and I feel I'm so pathetic for still feeling this way. But really, I have to tell myself over and over that losing your first love is tough on anyone, and working with her I just haven't had a chance to even begin to move on really. And for you, 5 months is really not long at all. I mean, the older I've got, the years seem to fly by so quickly. So often I think (and friends say it too) "I can't believe [insert event/memory] was a whole year ago"... so I guess I was over optimistic to ever hope I'd be much better by now. It's a huge emotional hit to your self esteem and faith in people I guess. Hang in there, we will surely get better in time... Link to post Share on other sites
Author olivec Posted September 7, 2011 Author Share Posted September 7, 2011 (edited) tks i know its gunna take time to meet the right girl. The hardest part is gunna be regaining my confidence back and letting myself get back into the dating game when i'm ready. tks for sharing your experience. Edited September 7, 2011 by olivec Link to post Share on other sites
jeff2321 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I found out my ex got engaged 2 months after she left me. That means she was engaged 11 months ago and probably married now.... I only found this out recently and it really hurt for awhile, but now I know it's over no matter what. I'm at the point now of not even caring what happened and trying to move on. In last week I have had some major job issues, so now I've had that additional stress as well, but you know what? I will make it through all of it... because the worst of the pain is over for me. I am on my way back down the mountain and on my way to moving on! It really does get better... you just have to go through it. Time just eventually heals things. Also try not to 'buy' a lot of stuff. My breakup cost me over 20k in spending due to being depressed and trying to fill a void. Be kind to yourself, but also don't go overboard like me lol Link to post Share on other sites
reimeivn Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 eh i am 4 months out and it felt fine along the second and third months but then now i am just depressed in generals. i try not to think that the ex was the perfect guy on earth but there were nobody else ever into me. i came to think that i did not let him have friends and that was the reason i am getting what i am getting right now. but the truth is that i did. it took a bit of time but i did. see now i just cant be kind on myself. the more time i have the more lonely i am. i think its time for me to want to be wtih somebody again, and that i do like other people now. so i guess its just you putting a bit too much pressure on yourself, kinda like me. try to be easy. nobody is keeping track of how you feel. you dont have to care about anybody at all, but how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedT Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Hmmm, i wouldn't sad im depressed, but i am sad at times, happy at others. my emotions fluctuate like crazy. im starting to talk to other guys though, its SO HARD & it kinda makes me miss him more, but hey its life. you will miss him, but the good thing is- YOU WONT FOREVER!!! thank god. i cant wait til im 100% me AGAIN!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author olivec Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 eh i am 4 months out and it felt fine along the second and third months but then now i am just depressed in generals. i try not to think that the ex was the perfect guy on earth but there were nobody else ever into me. i came to think that i did not let him have friends and that was the reason i am getting what i am getting right now. but the truth is that i did. it took a bit of time but i did. see now i just cant be kind on myself. the more time i have the more lonely i am. i think its time for me to want to be wtih somebody again, and that i do like other people now. so i guess its just you putting a bit too much pressure on yourself, kinda like me. try to be easy. nobody is keeping track of how you feel. you dont have to care about anybody at all, but how you feel. tks for the support. and your right sometimes it takes something negative to make a positive. i'm definately gunna focus on myself now and not worry about when i meet that right girl for me. it'll happen when it happends and in the mean time i just live my life. Link to post Share on other sites
sleepykitten Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I am 38 and can totally relate to that feeling of loss of not just the ex but the hopes and dreams of the future, i can even see that he wasnt the right one for me now, and i should have left sooner so yes i have that feeling of wasting time, and do so want to meet someone and have a loving, honest, etc etc relationship. I just cannot imagine starting all over again, where do I even begin. When I think like that I feel the panic set in. I have to work on myself at the moment and build some self esteem, some boundries, and be happy on my own. Something i have never done in my life before. I am at the 3 mth mark, the first month we still saw each other, the second mth i found out he was seeing someine in the first mth, the third mth we met up when i thankfully was in a really good confident place, had done alot of work to pick myself up. I only felt crap the next day as he said some stuff that just confused me. so nc begins again, i have only ever managed 2 weeks, but I do not want this constant feeling of depression hanging over me. I can get through it, we all can. This forum is amazing, the support and care i read and see each day keeps me focused and positive and i am so grateful for it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author olivec Posted October 31, 2011 Author Share Posted October 31, 2011 I am 38 and can totally relate to that feeling of loss of not just the ex but the hopes and dreams of the future, i can even see that he wasnt the right one for me now, and i should have left sooner so yes i have that feeling of wasting time, and do so want to meet someone and have a loving, honest, etc etc relationship. I just cannot imagine starting all over again, where do I even begin. When I think like that I feel the panic set in. I have to work on myself at the moment and build some self esteem, some boundries, and be happy on my own. Something i have never done in my life before. I am at the 3 mth mark, the first month we still saw each other, the second mth i found out he was seeing someine in the first mth, the third mth we met up when i thankfully was in a really good confident place, had done alot of work to pick myself up. I only felt crap the next day as he said some stuff that just confused me. so nc begins again, i have only ever managed 2 weeks, but I do not want this constant feeling of depression hanging over me. I can get through it, we all can. This forum is amazing, the support and care i read and see each day keeps me focused and positive and i am so grateful for it. I'm glad your feeling better and relize hes not the right person for you. I'm happy to report i'm feeling much better about everything. Ironically my ex contacted me last week. She wanted to know if I was ok and was sad about what happend. I calmly told her I had moved on with my life and that I forgave her for what she did to me and I was at peace with everything now. The reason being is because that truely is the last step when getting over someone and I knew it was time to let go of the past. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkLazuli Posted November 6, 2011 Share Posted November 6, 2011 Okay...Sorry but,.. I want to know where all you single 30 something yr olds live. You all seem positive and nice.. I want a guy like that! I'm a 30 year old girl, wondering where guys like you are! Link to post Share on other sites
Author olivec Posted November 16, 2011 Author Share Posted November 16, 2011 Okay...Sorry but,.. I want to know where all you single 30 something yr olds live. You all seem positive and nice.. I want a guy like that! I'm a 30 year old girl, wondering where guys like you are
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