Cassidy Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 My boyfriend and I have been together almost 8 months. He isn't in love with me (yet and may never be which he admits), but he still treats me with respect. He calls me everyday, several times a day. He wants to see me alot and he is always there for me and always very caring. I am divorced and was hurt very much by my ex. My current boyfriend knows the situation, and when he thought he was falling in love with me, I pretty much talked him out of it. Why? Because I had to be sure that his feelings were real and he wasn't just saying it because everything was new and good. And I was scared to love someone again. Now he's confused about how he feels towards me and now I know that I do love him. No one has treated me as well as he does. I really don't know what's worse, someone who tells you they love you, but treats you like dirt; or someone who doesn't love you and treats you like gold. It hurts to know I have to hold back my feelings for him and my love because I don't even know if he wants it. Someday I'm going to have to leave him, because I will want someone to love me. Life and love can be very confusing. He said he's not sure if he ever loved anyone, even though he thought he did at one point. I think we are both kind of in the same place. Neither of us really even knows what love is anymore. I asked him if he wanted out, or to not see eachother as much. He said no, not at all. I told him that I feel like I love him, but because of my past, I question my feelings for him too. I said it's sad because when your alone and not dating anyone, all you want is someone to love, and then when it's right in front of you, you think it will always be there. And that isn't true. I told him I'm happy with the way things are right now, and at this very moment I don't need anymore than this. I said I might someday, want to get married again, and if you're not in the same place, I may leave. That was the confusing part. I can feel how much he cares about me. I think he does love me, he's just afraid of it. Or am I just fooling myself? I don't trust my own instincts anymore. The good thing is we can talk about it. I can always talk to him. And he does like to do his own thing, so the fact that he wants to spend alot of time with me, does means something to me. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 It sure sounds like a lot of confusing signals being sent here. You talked him out of being in love with, then you tell him you think you love him, him saying he's never loved anyone, you then questioning your feelings for him, someday you're going to leave him, he's confused about his feelings for you, you say you know you love him.... I'm got dizzy just reading your post. Are you sure you had enough time alone after your divorce? I think 8 months is enough time for people to be able to commit to each other. But if you're happy with the way things are then keep going that way. Link to post Share on other sites
deesgirl Posted May 7, 2004 Share Posted May 7, 2004 I agree with blue. I understand you being cautious, but you have probably made him afraid to invest too much. If the same things were said to me, I would be afraid. If you want to receive love, you're going to have to totally open your heart and tell him how you really feel. Not these iffy things. Link to post Share on other sites
Cassidy Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 So you think that I've probably confused him? I was just trying to let him know, that yes, I do love him, but just like everyone else, sometimes I have doubts. He knows I want to be with him. At least I think he does. Maybe your right. Maybe he is afraid that I don't know what I want. I need advice on what I should do from here on out. Should I only wait for so long, and if he can't tell me he loves me, do I move on? I'm just afraid, that since he did tell me he didn't know how he felt about me anymore, that I'm just wasting my time and this isn't going to go anywhere. I don't want to be stupid and wait around for someone who came right out and said they didn't know how they felt about me. He's my best friend now, and I know I'm his. I just don't want it to become that we stay because it's comfortable. Sorry If I've confused everyone again. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 As I said in my previous post, I think 8 months is enough time for someone to decide if they are ready to commit or not. If he cannot do that, or won't, and it is important to you then you should end it. But you need to be very clear about what is that you want from him. Do you just want to hear, "I love you."? People can say that and still not commit themselves to a relationship or even to one person. Link to post Share on other sites
Cassidy Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 I know what your saying. They are just words and just because someone says it, doesn't mean they mean it or will act like it. I have to say that he acts like he loves me. We are only seeing eachother and he doesn't want to see anyone else. He spends most, if not all, of his free time with me. That's why it's so darn confusing. He is committed to me for right now, I just don't know if he sees a future with us. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts