is there something wrong with me because i dont like to travel?

[zingyd]

i am really getting mad here with my fiance because he wants to go trucking off again across the states to california and vegas. he is being adamat about me going for counseling because i do not like traveling or i do'nt want him to go alone either.

 

what the he11 is wrong with someone who does not like to travel? who the he11 does he think he is to be on me about counseling because i do not like to travel? what the he11 makes him think he is better then me because he LIKES to travel?

 

that is like my being mad at him because he has dark hair, stupid i think! am i wrong here? is there something wrong with me or someone else if they do not like to travel versus someone else who does like to travel?

 

i am outraged with him right now. i told him to get his a$$ in there for counseling because he does like traveling. and that is as stupid as him wanting me to go because i do not like traveling.

 

am i right about this?

[bluechocolate]

what the he11 makes him think he is better then me because he LIKES to travel?

 

Did he actually say that?

 

It seems strange to me that if you don't like to travel you should then be angry with him if he wants to travel alone. What's so bad about travelling? My partner and I make several trips a year. Personally I love it and couldn't be seriously involved with someone who didn't.

 

Maybe the suggestion of counselling (which should include the both you) has more to do with other issues in your relationship rather than just the travelling.

[befuddled11]

Zingy (err, Bowwie)...

 

You posted about this same problem, a year ago, I believe......this major difference between you and your fiance, in terms of his enjoyment in traveling and your opposition to it. Last year, I recall you had a problem with him wanting to go and visit his brother.....you didn't want to go, because you don't like traveling....but then when he decided to go anyway, you were real p*ssed with him...which wasn't fair at all.

 

Now I see, this year, the same old story.

 

The advice I'll give now is likely identical to what I gave last year, and identical to what the many other people who responded suggested....but here goes again anyway.

 

Most people enjoy traveling and getting away from the "day to day" and seeing new places, having new experiences, seeing the sights, etc. Your fiance should not be faulted for this in any way, shape or form. His desire to get away from time to time is certainly not even remotely unreasonable, nor is it his fault that you are the complete opposite in that you don't like to travel, or leave your home.

 

He deserves to be with someone who shares his enjoyment of travel, just as you deserve to be with someone who's a homebody, who is very content to just stay at home all the time.

 

Your fiance has enjoyed taking trips and getting away for as long as I can remember you posting. Do you honestly think this is going to change? It's not. So I don't understand your continued need to complain about this. If you can't this "difference" between you, then like many have suggested a zillion times, you need to end the relationship and find someone who's more similar to you.

 

There is nothing wrong in him suggesting that you go for counselling because of your adamant dislike for traveling. The vast majority of people would have a very hard time understanding why you're so opposed to taking a small trip (it's not like you're going to some impoverished 3rd world country where you'll have to sleep on the ground and have no running water). As with your past posts on this very subject, it never appears that you're at all open to compromise...and obviously this is a problem for your fiance. In fact, if he still wants to go away somewhere and you refuse to go, you are furious at him for still "having a life" and still following through with his plans. It's either your way or no way, which isn't at all fair to him.

 

I think it's very necessary and healthy for a couple to get away from the "rat race" every once in a while...a few times a year if possible, to have some fun and make memories.

 

How many years are you going to continue complaining about this without actually doing something about it? If everything your fiance does (which you've clearly outlined over the past 4+ yrs of posting here) annoys and angers you so much, and you feel he asks too much of you, why oh why do you remain with him yet continuing to b*tch about it? It just makes no sense. No sense at all.

[Pyrannaste]

Just a question:

Would you still feel angry if you could decide where to travel, and how to travel? Would it be better if he planned the trip with you? Did he decide everything on his own?

Did he say he'd like you to travel with him?

[quankanne]

please clarify something: are you angry because he told you to get counselling, because he wants to go someplace and you don't, or both?

 

somehow I think you're PO'd because he's making decisions to do something (like travel), and because you don't feel comfortable with leaving home (which is fine), you feel he shouldn't be wanting these things. From the many previous posts, you've already shared about your phobias of leaving familiar environs and you've shared your feelings of anger and inadequacy based on what you perceive the situation to be, rather than just flat out communicating with the guy.

 

he probably understands what your limitations are and he probably asks you along out of sheer goodness of his heart to see if you'd like to come. Just say no if the answer's no and leave it there. It's one thing to rant, but when you ask for validation from a group of people who understand that you're not seeking real solutions to apply to your problems, it becomes a problem for everyone.

 

which leads me back to my original question: what are you really angry about, and what steps are you willing to take to resolve the situation so that you're no longer angry about it?

[befuddled11]

I think Zingy's problem with this whole travel thing is related to her previous post (bowwie) about her problem with feeling "submissive" and not wanting to do things that others ask of her because she feels that in doing so, she's being submissive. I wish she'd just post with the same name so that people could get a better grasp of the whole picture.....as her other posts add a lot of insight into ones like this.

 

I sense that Zingy's a person who likes to have her own way and she becomes quickly defensive and gets her back up when her fiance wants to do something she doesn't want to......or to even compromise. I have no idea why she'd ask him to get counselling all because he wants to travel a bit..it would seem to me that she only tried to throw that back at him out of spite. I'd think most women would be tickled pink that their fiance/partner wanted them to accompany them on a trip to Vegas or California. Travelling is surely not a bad thing. It can spice up a relationship, you make lots of good memories, it helps couples get out of the "rut" they may find themself in because of the day to day grind of work and such, and it can broaden one's horizons and perspectives.

 

There's so many women who complain their guy never wants to go anywhere or do anything.

 

I think some people are just never happy.

[zingyd]

what i am angry about is the fact that i called him this a.m. and asked him very nicely if he would like to go somewhere a little closer to home to where he would not have to drive so far. his response was to blow up at me and tell me how much counseling i needed because i do not like to travel.

 

my post was, that one does not need counseling because they do not like to travel, to me that is crazyness. i said getting couseling because one does not like to travel is like getting counseling because ones hair is brown or blonde or whatever. i tried very hard to reason with him to go somewhere closer and he just got even more mad saying that i was trying to do that for me instead. when infact i was trying to do it for him as he is the one who wants to get away not me.

 

there is nothing wrong with wanting to take trips and i agree with that, but when both agree is the right time not when just he decides. we have taken several trips together and had lots of fun ,etc..but not all the time do i want to take a trip. that hardly quailifies one for counseling, that is crazy to think one needs counseling because they do not like to travel. things have been going very well till this call this a.m. when he blew up at me. probably better for him to set him free and find somone more like himself and i do not want anyone else anyway, i would live as an old maid like my aunti did/does.

 

he is not some poor guy either believe me. he is very hurtful and very spiteful as well. so where anyone gets off calling him a "poor guy" is beyond me because he is anything but that. he is a great guy or i would not of stayed with him for so long but yes these things get in our way, and i have no opposition towards counseling if it is for the right reason. his reason for wanting us to go is to change me to be what he wants.

 

he wants me to go to counseling with him because he wants the counseling to fix my lack of wanting to travel, his drinking, and his problems that he has, he wants the counseling to fix me so i can put up with him, he is not interested in fixnig himself only chaning me, and that is why i wont go. i told him to give me a valid reason and the right reason and i will gladly go!

[moimeme]

zingy

 

Why don't you two throw in the towel? Why are you even together?

 

It cannot possibly be fun for either of you to always be in conflict about something.