nyrias2 Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 She would have never married him in the first place then, physical attraction is important, you don't have that then the relationship won't work. If she did marry him and he really is a unattractive fat guy then either she was desperate or he is rich among other things other then marrying him for himself. I dunno, im just going by what OP has told us. Well, she did say that he is not attractive. BUT, it is theoretically possible that he WAS attractive when she married him, and it is no longer the case. Physical appearance changes. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 No I do not because most therapists are not familiar with how to handle infidelity. They concentrate on just the individual. I am more of a counselor. I will go by what I learn from reality than a statistic. I represent the 42.7% who are for disclosure. Yes, there are many therapist who deal with families and issues of families, not individuals. Unless these distinctions are made in research, well you know what they say about stats. Glad you are there helping those who need family help. Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Well, she did say that he is not attractive. she did?? maybe I read it wrong below Actually, my husband is quite attractive. He is in shape and good looking. We make a great couple. Link to post Share on other sites
nyrias2 Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 she did?? maybe I read it wrong below Sorry .. TYPO .. he *is* attractive, although socially inept. Link to post Share on other sites
Severely Unamused Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 This is too funny! Cheergirl...you are awesome! As you are incapable of answering a very simple question that would help you get some advice, I will assume that you are simply a troll. Or that you only want to receive advice that would support your own (small) world view. I am not surprised. No I do not because most therapists are not familiar with how to handle infidelity. They concentrate on just the individual. I am more of a counselor. I will go by what I learn from reality than a statistic. I represent the 42.7% who are for disclosure. It's a wasted effort Soul. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousjane Posted September 15, 2011 Author Share Posted September 15, 2011 As you are incapable of answering a very simple question that would help you get some advice, I will assume that you are simply a troll. Or that you only want to receive advice that would support your own (small) world view. I am not surprised. It's a wasted effort Soul. No, I'm not a troll. I don't think I need advice from you. I'm "unamused" with what you have to say. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 No I do not because most therapists are not familiar with how to handle infidelity. They concentrate on just the individual. I am more of a counselor. I will go by what I learn from reality than a statistic. I represent the 42.7% who are for disclosure. SoulS, I haven't read much of this thread but came across your statement and wanted to give you a bunch of thumbs up (or :bunny::bunny:) for trying to guide people towards openness, honesty and authenticity. Link to post Share on other sites
Severely Unamused Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 No, I'm not a troll. I don't think I need advice from you. I'm "unamused" with what you have to say. Thank you. As you are not a troll, I will than switch my opinion of you to my latter theory. Have a good day. SoulS, I haven't read much of this thread but came across your statement and wanted to give you a bunch of thumbs up (or :bunny::bunny:) for trying to guide people towards openness, honesty and authenticity. This board wouldn't be as depressing if everybody had that attitude. How are you doing wo? Link to post Share on other sites
woinlove Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 This board wouldn't be as depressing if everybody had that attitude. How are you doing wo? Good. Busy. Just popping in for a bit even though I don't have much time. I notice you seem to have attracted your own personal sniper here. Well, there are much worse things than snipes on LS. Link to post Share on other sites
jnj express Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Hey CJ---You are not intending to tell your H, so let me ask you this----you say you will never do this again, but since there are no consequences from this round of straying, what happens lets say 5 yrs from now, when you are bored, or face midlife crises, and you want/see another younger man---what is to prevent you from straying then---I am sure you never intended to stray this time, but you did---so how do you intend to police yourself, for the rest of your mge. Also I would ask you, what kind of a H. allows his Wife to go out all night, stay out all night---to drink all night with co-workers----that is totally inappropriate for a married woman, and you know it, and that is not something any normal H, would even think of allowing!!!! Your time should be spent with your H----you wanna drink with co-workers---have one right after work, and go home----you wanna party with co-workers, H. comes along No matter what you wanna say---you completely "dissed" your H. by spending nights in bed with another man----whether anything ahppened, or not, that is not what a married woman does--EVER Are you sure there is not something in your sub-conscious, that was actually saying to you----I need to get even No matter----your mge., has huge cracks in it---and the 2 of you have a lot of communicating to do to fix it Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 well if she isn't giong to tell her husband, then she has no business ever again bringing up what he confessed. she doesn't get to hide her little secret, then badger her H as if she hasn't done anything wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
nyrias2 Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 well if she isn't giong to tell her husband, then she has no business ever again bringing up what he confessed. she doesn't get to hide her little secret, then badger her H as if she hasn't done anything wrong. Nothing is preventing her from doing so though. That is the realty of information asymmetry. Her husband does NOT have the ammunition to fight back. She has the cards. It is obviously about power. It is pointless to say what she should do ... it is much more interesting to see what she COULD do and how well she use her "power". Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousjane Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 I'm not in love with the OM. And BTW...my mother stayed loyal to my father throughout all 37 years of their marriage. My dad on the other hand, cheated on her at least two times that I know of. One of them in particular stuck out the most because he carried on a long affair that broke my mom's heart. It made me lose all respect for him. What I hated most about the whole ordeal was their drama was played out all in front of us. My dad had no regard whether his kids knew of not. I resent my dad for doing it and my mother staying with him. I'm sure people will say my actions probably had something to do with what my dad did too. Link to post Share on other sites
country_gurl Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I'm not in love with the OM. And BTW...my mother stayed loyal to my father throughout all 37 years of their marriage. My dad on the other hand, cheated on her at least two times that I know of. One of them in particular stuck out the most because he carried on a long affair that broke my mom's heart. It made me lose all respect for him. What I hated most about the whole ordeal was their drama was played out all in front of us. My dad had no regard whether his kids knew of not. I resent my dad for doing it and my mother staying with him. I'm sure people will say my actions probably had something to do with what my dad did too. If anything I would think that after you experienced first-hand, the aftermath of a Dad who cheated on your Mom and obviously broke her heart, that you would not even considered inflicting that kind of betrayal and hurt onto someone you loved. Sounds to me like you're trying to justify your cheating by bringing up your Dad's history of having done so. Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I'm not in love with the OM. And BTW...my mother stayed loyal to my father throughout all 37 years of their marriage. My dad on the other hand, cheated on her at least two times that I know of. One of them in particular stuck out the most because he carried on a long affair that broke my mom's heart. It made me lose all respect for him. What I hated most about the whole ordeal was their drama was played out all in front of us. My dad had no regard whether his kids knew of not. I resent my dad for doing it and my mother staying with him. I'm sure people will say my actions probably had something to do with what my dad did too. Well, duh! Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Women have a bond with their fathers, whether they want to, or not. Their lives BECOME a manifestation of what their fathers do, for good or for evil. Look it up. Link to post Share on other sites
linkinghabit Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 i have heard couple of stories like this, but most relationship lasted after they make amends...just save your marriage and find time to unwind with your husband, or you can also ask professional help or a marriage counselling to help you out...you are lucky enough to have your husband Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousjane Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 How did I think you would say that? That was a cheap shot and obvious statement which I expected. I am not putting blame on what my father that caused me to do what I did. I was responding to what the other poster said about my parents. I don't blame anyone for my actions....I take all responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curiousjane Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 If anything I would think that after you experienced first-hand, the aftermath of a Dad who cheated on your Mom and obviously broke her heart, that you would not even considered inflicting that kind of betrayal and hurt onto someone you loved. Sounds to me like you're trying to justify your cheating by bringing up your Dad's history of having done so. How did I think you would say that? That was a cheap shot and obvious statement which I expected. I am not putting blame on what my father that caused me to do what I did. I was responding to what the other poster said about my parents. I don't blame anyone for my actions....I take all responsibility. Link to post Share on other sites
sadcalifornian Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 Just take this as a learning experience and never do that again. You know, women are different from men in that when you lose your heart to another man, all the trouble starts. Men on the other hand are not as emotional as women, and we focus on physical aspect of relationship more. This is why EA is so much more devastating to women than men, and many men do not understand this aspect. If you want to keep a healthy marriage and stay faithful, you must learn to guard your heart. Don't play with it. It is like a little kid playing with fire. Learn to maintain a good control of where your mind may drift at all time. Temptations will knock on your door in the future as as in this case with the 25 yr old, and you will be tested again in the future, I guarantee you. You must accept that you strayed and almost had a full blown A. While you lost control, you were lucky that it was not reciprocated by the young man fortunately. Otherwise, you would be dealing with a totally different aftermath than what you face now. Marraige is like commiting to a monkhood, a celibacy. Instead of completly depriving yourself of any sexual relation, you commit to share it with only one person only, your husband. That is what the marriage vow is all about. It is quite a heavy and solemn vow and commitment. Recognize that. Link to post Share on other sites
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 18, 2011 Share Posted September 18, 2011 I just checked and followed your instructions. I don't see "enable private messages". OK, well then why not try "enable private messaging" ?? Link to post Share on other sites
nofool4u Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 I don't blame anyone for my actions....I take all responsibility. glad to hear you say that. now tell your husband the truth. otherwise if you don't, you are not taking responsibility. you will be sweeping it under the rug. Link to post Share on other sites
nyrias2 Posted September 19, 2011 Share Posted September 19, 2011 Marraige is like commiting to a monkhood, a celibacy. Instead of completly depriving yourself of any sexual relation, you commit to share it with only one person only, your husband. That is what the marriage vow is all about. It is quite a heavy and solemn vow and commitment. Recognize that. That is why infidelity is so rampant. Many, particular young people, are NOT aware that marriage is like this. Giving vows (and promises) without understanding its demand is the clear path to disaster. Heck, asking someone to keep a promise day in and day out for decades is a recipe for disappointment. Humans change. The whole marriage institution is flawed and based on unrealistic assumptions. Link to post Share on other sites
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