I need advice - i'm going crazy :-(

[Ohgosh]

Hi guys! I've been in a long distance relationship with a guy for over 3 yrs. He moved away to Europe around 3 yrs ago, meaning most of our relationship has been with us apart. I love him to bits. I do. He is my first boyfriend and I've known him forever, he was my neighbour and I always had feelings for him, but nothing really happened till abt 3 1/2 yrs ago. Anyawys, the first three years were great, even when he wasn't with me... I trusted him, he trusted me. We both were so totally devoted to each other, its insane! I was in my own little world, thinking that he is just the best person I could ever be with. He has always respected me, loved me, etc etc! Trust me, I'm not angel, although I've always been super faithful, I have been pretty controlling with my boy. I always wanted things my way. If he was even two minutes late, I would blow a temper tantrum and he would always beg to make things good between us. I also kept breaking up with him. If things didnt go my way, I would break up with him, and he would cry and plead with me to come back to him. I TOTALLY took him for granted. I KNOW I KNOW i sound like a bitch, but hear me out.

 

Anyways, he has always had this inferiority complex, he thinks i'm too good for him and that I could get a guy better than him. I've always always told him that I love him and he is IT for me. But at the same time, sometimes when I get really angry I would tell him that I could get a guy better than him.

 

Early this year I broke up with him 3 times in one month, and he flipped. He totally changed, its unbelievable. It was like a different person cracked open and I was absolutely shocked. I still can't understand what has happened,. Its shocking!!! I completely changed how I treated him and only gave me love. I had to beg him for two months to take me back, which he finally did... but things were so different. He would have mood swings (he was basically how I was before :-( and I would try try try to make things better. He finally said that he wasn't sure abt the future anymore and couldn't give me any commitment. Before I was the one who would say that and he wanted to get married after us being together 1 yr, but I said I needed time. My world has turned upside down. He was the one who made me understand, would always listen to me and understand me, but now??? I haven't talked to him in a week and he always writes to me saying how his life has changed. He tells me that he wants to come back to how he was before, but he can't cuz something is stopping him and that he is doing this for my best. He goes on and on abt how I can do better.. blah blah blah! I told him not to make decisions for me and that I wanted him cuz I love him and wanna see him. He just doesn't want to come back to how things were before. He says that the three yrs we were toether were the best years of his life... then whats the problem?? And on top of that he has started drinking and sounds super depressed on teh phone and says that I am all he has, so whats the problem? I cant figure him out... I try to talk to him and tell him that I will be there for him, but he just doesn't want to give me any commitment... if i mean the world to him, then whats stopping him??? There isnt' any other girl in the picture for sure... but what is it? guys help!

[LILUIL]

"True Love is Loving someone because of their quirks not in spite of them."

 

I feel for you, it's not easy but take a step back, let go and let your man come back when he is ready. If you are meant to be and all that he wants, he will come back to you... The very thing that you want is the very thing you need to let go and see if it comes back to you. Clinging on it tightly will not make it yours. It hurts like hell and it sucks but you have the strength deep down to do it.

 

Be brave! All things work out for good in the end...

 

My first love was a childhood friend and your story has similarities. We were both firsts for each other but it ended abruptly one day, and I felt the same way you do. What my guy wanted was a chance to "make a few wrongs" before he really knows that we were right. Men are hunters. Sigh! I used to dream of marrying the first guy I dated, but fairytales dont always come true, do they? I felt like I was gonna die at that time, but rationale I'd only wished I had died.

 

Nah! Still alive and can honestly say "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"

 

All this stress, you need to channel the energy elsewhere, blast the music and start singing or do something you love, keep your mind active and occupied. Don't sit and think too much. It's not good for you.

 

Take care gurl! Good Luck.

[Ohgosh]

Thanks dear for your sweet words. I will try to stop talking to him... i'll try. I just miss him terribly. He has been the person I go to for everything. The day he changed, I wanted to die because I felt it would be easier than hearing him say NO NO NO to me. I know you are right, my friends have told me the same thing. I'm trying to go out more and enjoy being with my friends... but my heart is somewhere else. It will take time, but I hope I get my sweety back because I love him dearly.

 

Thanks for your response :-)

[LILUIL]

The hardest thing for me to do in a break up is to get my heart back completely..... I know if i dont get it back completely, I cant give my full devotion to the next relationship even if its TRUE LOVE slapping me on the head with he's shoes, we wont realise it unless we get our heart back....

 

dont you agree. Sigh!

[Ohgosh]

You are so right! That is exactly how I feel.... at times I feel that i'm ok, but other times I feel like my hearts with him and I feel absolutely lost! At times I even tell him that I regret falling so deeply for him because I sincerely feel that. There is a guy who has asked me out, he seems incredibly nice, but I can't even be in a position where I feel Im ready for any sort of relationship and I don't feel its fair to him....... I hope I dont last like this till I die :-( I'm stuck!