a121 Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 Well its been about 2 months since I first posted. I did receive some feedback but I learned somethings were true while other things were not so I am here to seek out some new advice. I am going to keep this simple and short as possible. I have been going out with my gf for 2 years. this is the first relationship for both of us. I have had some close bonding and trust build up over time and she has become practically my best friend. I was open and honest to my gf about my past and the things that I had done, i asked her the same and she promised me the same thing. Before our relationship became physical I asked just to reassure the both of us and she looked me in the eye and promised. After about a year and half she confronts me and says things she hadnt told me. This makes me feel bestrayed, horrible, and distant from her. I felt like she was dishonest from beginning, lied, and created some sort of fake relationship in a way. She said meaningful things to me that really held a value for me. However after learning about the things she hadnt told me, those things lost their value. The things that she hadnt told me wasnt as extreme as i had thought originally, however they were still things that made me upset or sick to my stomach. she didnt want to think about it and consider me as the only man in her life. I understand her past is her past, i have no right to know but i felt the relationship we had was on different level and i wanted for both of us to be open and honest; to be able to trust one another while being close. Anyways I feel hurt and betrayed because she is the only close person to me. To be hurt from the person you trust most is the worst, whether it be your partner or friend. I hate her for doing this to me and treating me like this but I still love her. i confronted her about her dishonesty and the lies she told me, she doesnt feel good about not telling me and says i deserve someone better. I get along with this girl fine however i need some input on my mindset of how "I hate her for doing this but sill love her" I go out of my way for her and she pushes me away at times when she is stressed nut really loves me. please someone help. thanks BTW i have learned it wasnt just this but its kind of reptitive that she lies about certain things to cover up or not want me to know but now i pretty much know everything Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 7, 2011 Share Posted September 7, 2011 I am not sure what has changed since your last post? All the same advice still seems to apply. Link to post Share on other sites
seibert253 Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I am not sure what has changed since your last post? All the same advice still seems to apply. ^^^^^^ This Link to post Share on other sites
Author a121 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) I am not sure what has changed since your last post? All the same advice still seems to apply. Ok well i seem to have had the facts wrong the first time. it didnt turn out to be as bad which brought some of my anxiety down. before i was somewhat more interested in the act of what had happened and was trying to get over that but now i know it was different. I thought this way i wrote was more well put without getting into details too much one of the advice was to talk to her and tell her upfront that if she doesnt start being honest then there is no future.. this is exactly what i did, i confronted her and told her straight out. I got her to come forth and promise me she wont. I can tell she is sorry and somewhat embarrassed but I dont understand. She did lie more than one time for example she said she had never been somewhere a guy promised to take her but in reality she did go with him, she wanted to make it seem like she went with me. That type of mentality. or other small but still things that held value I guess the problem i am having now is getting over the lies, things i held value to and want advice on what i should do about that trust and honesty. I am hurt about that and some physical things that happened but then i think it could have been worse. Edited September 8, 2011 by a121 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 If she is continuing to lie after you confronted her, then I would dump her. If she is now being honest then what more can you ask? Give it time and a chance to rebuild the trust. Link to post Share on other sites
Author a121 Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) If she is continuing to lie after you confronted her, then I would dump her. If she is now being honest then what more can you ask? Give it time and a chance to rebuild the trust. Ok so in the beginning when i confronted her about the past but she continued to lie throughout the relationship then finally told me after this time for those reasons, should i give it time or does that count as continueing to lie? Also i was rereading your other posts about you saying everyone lies about their past in beginning but dont you think almost 2 years is kinda too long for lieing? wouldnt you say 5 monthsr even 6 is long enough to know a person especially if you are really interested in them? btw i dont know can you send message to me on here? Edited September 8, 2011 by a121 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Ok so in the beginning when i confronted her about the past but she continued to lie throughout the relationship then finally told me after this time for those reasons, should i give it time or does that count as continueing to lie? I don't mean the initial confrontation I mean this one: this is exactly what i did, i confronted her and told her straight out. I got her to come forth and promise me she wont If she broke that promise then you need to tell her that she cannot be honest with you and therefore your relationship is over. If she has been honest since then, then give it time. Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I don't get it! You are condemning her about lying about a past that did not involve you. Why do guys always want to know who and what their GF's did sexually before them, knowing they likely won't be able to handle the truth if the girl says anything other than "Im a virgin"? No wonder girls lie. MOst men are insecure cavemen. Would you have dumped her immediately if she initially told you the truth? What will you do when you grow up and most women have had multiple sex partners in their past? Link to post Share on other sites
Author a121 Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 I don't mean the initial confrontation I mean this one: If she broke that promise then you need to tell her that she cannot be honest with you and therefore your relationship is over. If she has been honest since then, then give it time. Ok thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Author a121 Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 I don't get it! You are condemning her about lying about a past that did not involve you. Why do guys always want to know who and what their GF's did sexually before them, knowing they likely won't be able to handle the truth if the girl says anything other than "Im a virgin"? No wonder girls lie. MOst men are insecure cavemen. Would you have dumped her immediately if she initially told you the truth? What will you do when you grow up and most women have had multiple sex partners in their past? No not exactly, there is a difference between lying and just being honest. I wouldve still had dated her if I knew i guess im different than others Link to post Share on other sites
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