I want to be able to trust him so badly

[BluSparrow]

Hey ,

me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 7 months now . I loved him instantly and he said he felt the same way . It was perfect , we were just on the same wavelength immediatley . A mutual friend (who helped get us together) showed me and text he sent her saying about how he loves me "more than anything" and this can have only been a week in . The problem was he went to a few parties at the beginning of our relationship - I was a little upset he didnt invite me but we hadnt been together that long at this point . Anyway , about three months in he went to a party at his friends house and I went to a different party one of our mutual friends was having . I was a bit nervous about him going but he said their grandma was going to be there so it was hardly going to be out of control . One of my friends asked me why he didnt take me to the partyhe was going to and it was then that I began to worry that maybe he was embarrassed of me , or wanting the freedom to flirt or more.

 

The next morning he walked to the house I had stayed at and he looked like he wanted to tell me something . I found out that he'd got in a hottub at the party . He denied it at first but then admitted that he did - it also turned out his ex girlfriend was in the hottub too . I spoke to one of the friends at the party and he said that nothing had happened , that there had only been 2 girls there , one didnt get in and the other (his ex) had a boyfriend . My boyfriend said that he'd only gone out with her for four days so he never really considered her a proper ex , and that she was wearing shorts and a vest and that because they'd all gone in the hottub at prom it never occured to him that it would upset me because he saw it as swimming ,until the next day when he realised what it would look like from my perspective ,which is why he walked to the other party so he could take me back to his to tell me somewhere more private , but when I found out before we could get back he chickened out and said he didnt because he didnt want to argue in the street . All of his friends have said that he's trust worthy and that they'd never known him to cheat on anyone before , and one girl from the party even said that he'd been talking about me at the party and that its obvious he likes me alot . Another girl also said that at two of the other parties she was the only girl there (and she's been with my boyfriends best friend for a year and a half ). I was so upset about it and cried all the time ,he was so scared of losing me he texted my mum and begged her to give him advice , saying that he "couldn't bare " to lose me . It was just I felt so betrayed , it seemed like he'd tried to play down the party to me so I wouldnt oppose to him going, that he knew it would hurt me but he did it anyway , even though he insists its not like that . Then in my mind it made sense that the reason I'd never been to any of the other parties ( two or three maybe) was because he wanted to chance to cheat . He said why would he do that because I'm everything he's ever wanted , but I also learnt that before me he'd kissed a few girls at parties so I started to worry that he maybe needs female attention , although he insisted that when he was single he was looking for a relationship , why would he need to kiss anyone when he's with someone . He's lied about a few other things too , like he told me he'd never got any jewellery from an ex and then it turns out one of his necklaces was from an ex , and he lied about how many girls he'd kissed at parties . Also , once when I was going into college and he was finished for the day he walked back home with some girl in one of his classes , she's been with her boyfriend for about a year and she was going to meet him , and so his insists they just walked a bit of the way home but I can't help feeling panicy , I wouldn't have before but now after everything I feel panicy about it . When I first brought it up he did say he would message her on FB and asked if they'd ever kissed to prove it to me , but I said it was okay because that would be quite embarrassing for him .

 

I love him so much and all of his friends seem to insist he's not a cheater , and on a daily basis he's so lovely to me , he can never do enough for me , always wanting me to know that he thinks I'm beautiful even without making and mopping my sick up when I'm ill . We both want the same things from life and I love him so much. I just can't shake the feeling that I was second best at the beginning of the relationship , that he did stuff not caring it would hurt me . I just want to be able to trust him again , it did get better for a long time , for about two months it went compltely out of my mind but for some reason it's sneaked back in recently (probably because he's took me to every party with him since , he said he'd never took me to one before because he finds his friends embarrassing) .

Help ,please. Will I come to trust him in time ? am I right in not trusting him or am I looking too much into it ? .If it were any other relationship I would have walked away , I just feel like I'll never be able to find someone as amazing as he is , I know we're both young (17) but I feel like we have something very special and I'm letting it be ruined

Edited September 7, 2011 by BluSparrow