Broken :(

[mikezombie777]

So just recently fiance told me she doesn't feel like she loves me anymore. We haven't broken up yet, but I feel like its already over. She's a good person but she's been taking weight loss tablets which are essentially speed. They are messing with her head so badly and although she said she's been feeling like this before she started taking them, I have sought medical advice and been told this medication is known to cause these types of problems. i.e she thinks its been going on for months, but the little problems have just been amplified ten fold and so she may not realize its the medication, as it slowly changes your way of thinking without knowing it. She reluctantly agreed to stop taking the medication and so now I'm playing the waiting game.

 

We've been engaged for a year and I thought all was well, then she tells me she's been unhappy for months. My whole life is on the verge of collapsing. Even she can't provide a single reason as to why she feels like this. She hasn't moved out but I stayed at a friends place for a night to let things settle. I'm also flying out to stay with my mum for the weekend to give her some space and think things through.

 

We have a house together, we were planning our wedding and deciding when to have kids. I'm a complete mess. I don't know how to deal with this, I'm your garden variety major depressive so I'm absolutely losing my mind. I wake up crying, I can't go to work or function. I'm just popping valium like M&Ms and drinking all the alcohol I can.

 

I'm just at an ends and I don't know what to do. This happened with my last serious relationship and I just can't bare to go through this again. I love her more than anything in the world and I just hope things work out. I tried so hard with this relationship, I really do love her so much.

 

I'm in tears right now and I just want to fade away. As I said, my only release has been getting doped up, drinking and calling my family/friend in tears begging for the pain to go away.

 

Please help me.

[visualbasicide]

Drop the alcohol. Both of you get to a counselor.

If you two were fine before and the medicine is the only new element, then it could very well be causing it. Check on her to show you care but don't suffocate her either. Get counseling for real, whatever the reason is they will help you both find and address it. Post back here if you need to and take it easy on the valium, this whole thing will be moot if you OD on alcohol and pills.

[lovesickmonkey]

Depression plus alcohol equals deep, dark depression which may lead to suicide. You will think the heartbreak is causing your mood to deteriorate but it is the booze. You and I both suffer from depression -- don't learn about alcohol the hard way. Stick to your prescribed meds. You will survive this, whatever the outcome. I have the SAME problem (got engaged, fiance fell out of love (after going off her antidepressants!)). This may be the bottom of our lives but we can only go up.

[mikezombie777]

thank you so much for your replies guys. I've arrived at my parents place now and im a mess again. I bought a bottle of jack daniels and some cigarettes. I'm trying to take it easier on it now though.

 

but im suicidal. i just want to stop hurting. i want to contact her so badly but im resisting as i know this time apart can only be good for us. im in tears and i just want slice myself to death

[spinwayway]

..i know exactly how you feel man..its one of the hardest things in the world to go through..still going through it myself..all you can really do is just take it one day at a time..there is a lesson in all we go through in life even if we cant see it now..one day we will be better..we really just have to love and take care of ourselves..

[mikezombie777]

i have done some more extensive research about this medication and have heard nothing but misery.

 

one person in particular began taking it 3 weeks before her wedding to lose weight and within a week she wanted to call off the wedding. she became dissatisfied with her whole life for no reason.

 

is it time to stage an intervention?

[LelouchIsZero]

thank you so much for your replies guys. I've arrived at my parents place now and im a mess again. I bought a bottle of jack daniels and some cigarettes. I'm trying to take it easier on it now though.

 

but im suicidal. i just want to stop hurting. i want to contact her so badly but im resisting as i know this time apart can only be good for us. im in tears and i just want slice myself to death

 

Its already been stated, but i'll bring it up again -- ditch the alcohol, its not going to do anything for you, other then pushing you further down into depression. I don't particularly think the cigarettes are going to help either, as really its not smoking that calms people down, its more so the process of smoking.

 

If you want to have a better chance of things working out, you need to be strong. When the time comes where you have to head back to your house, if you arrive as an emotional wreck, then you're not going to be helping anything -- you'll most likely make things worse.

 

Perhaps, instead of wasting your own time, start doing things that could be productive for the relationship. Use your time to think of all the things that you might be doing wrong (not that there necessarily is something that you're doing wrong) & all the things you could improve on -- maybe even plan something for when you first see her again, like a surprise or something.

 

As stated above, the problem is most likely the medication, though that shouldn't stop you from trying to improve on things.

 

Wish you all the best ,

 

Lelouch.

Edited September 9, 2011 by LelouchIsZero

[mikezombie777]

she called me before to say she wants to end it but isnt sure. i said i think its the meds talking and if she isnt going.to end it now, then i gotta go. have space to sort things out. so i said cya.

 

i wont end it myself because shes a.good person and these meds are screwing her up. she said she has now gone off the meds.

 

time to wait

[LelouchIsZero]

Well honestly, I don't think things will get better if you continue on from here, with her being like that. I think you should be the one to end it, as you don't need someone who's going to be unsure about the relationship.

 

No, the reason that you're not ending it, is because you're scared of how things will be without her. If she wants to leave the relationship to go see how things are without you, well you have to let her go. If she stays, she'll most likely still be thinking about it, which things will slowly begin to break down.

 

If you let her go, you both have the chance to deeply think about the relationship, which if she chooses to leave the relationship in the past, then she wasn't really worth it anyway.

 

"If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were."

- Kahlil Gibran

 

I don't think you're going to be willing to end things, but keep us updated with all that happens anyway.

[visualbasicide]

Just wait buddy and be patient. Don't let your own grief make you unable to be the person you need to be for her right now. If she does change her feelings toward you and you are a wreck then you will have a tough time working on the relationship. If her feelings don't change and you are a wreck, you will have a hard time working on yourself. Pour the alcohol down the drain and don't look back. Fill it up with water and put it somewhere obvious (unless alcoholism is in your past, then just ditch the bottle too)

 

Intervention for you both might not be a bad thing. As I said earlier, counseling could help either of you out a lot no matter what is happening or what ends up happening.

[mikezombie777]

Well she called me and ended it. It was on good terms however. A short time later she called again just to talk? We agreed to be.friends and stuff. It was...nice. i love her but its her decision and im okay with that. I told her i dont hate her etc. im more okay than i thought i would be but im sure i'll be a mess soon.

 

thanks for the support guys

[visualbasicide]

Well, until you get yourself on the right foot, maybe being friends might not be so helpful right now. You can convey that you do not hate her, but contact could be very difficult at the moment, which is why we all preach "no contact".

 

If this is the way things are, then you need time to work on you and learn who you are and who you want to be, she needs the same thing. It's hard to focus on you when the significant other is still dredging up old emotions. I am not saying this is the "correct" way, as there isn't one, but perhaps it will be easier to heal from everything sooner rather than later. Out of sight, out of mind isn't always a good analogy but over all it does help you focus on healing and managing your own priorities instead of someone elses always clouding the issues that need to be dealt with.

[mikezombie777]

You're right man. thank you. i havent spoken to her in almost 24hrs. she is a mess from what im hearing from people. its like i broke up with her?

 

i think shes starting to realise her mistake.

[visualbasicide]

Good, but don't let her use that as leverage to slip back into the way things were, or slip back into old habits. Things can't go on the way they were and you both need to either do something different together, or do something different apart.

 

People endlessly say things will be different and then just continue doing the same things once the current crisis has been avoided. If she does change her mind then I would encourage you to use this as an opportunity for you both to do some self improvement before jumping back into the fire.

 

Some kind of intervention or counseling, reset the relationship, date each other as if it was something new and use the time you aren't around each other 24/7 to become better than you are currently. You will like each other more at that point and like yourselves more too.

 

Now I am not telling you to do any of this, its only a suggestion since what follows will affect you two and not me so don't take what I say as law or anything, just think before you act on impulse.

 

If it were me, I would need proof of rehabilitation and self improvement to move forward, not just being told what I want to hear. As much as I would like it, I would KNOW that pretending like nothing ever happened would lead me to destruction.