Restless&Confused Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 So this is actually my first post, I was referred to this site through one of my coworkers who use this during the rough times in her relationship. So where do I start? I broke the number one FEMALE RULE.... I hooked up with one of my close female friend Jessica's ex Derrick. I've known Jessica since my sophomore year of high school and I've know Derrick since my senior year of high school. Derrick and I were friends before he knew Jessica, and we were friends before they started a relationship. Their relationship lasted about 6 months and most of it was long-distance due to the fact that both of them went to different colleges. At that time, I was in an on/off relationship with my now ex boyfriend. My ex and I would fight, make up, fight and eventually I found out he had another girlfriend but yet he was still messing around with me. I turned to Derrick for most of my problems because, he was there and I trusted him. So as time went on, I was still foolish to mess around with my ex knowing that he had another girlfriend. Derrick and I hang out all the time with friends and jus the two of us. One day I was hanging out with Derrick (about 8months after Jessica and his relationship), I jokingly suggested that him and I should be friends with benefits so I can get over my ex. So the next time that Derrick and I hung out, he seriously proposed the idea that he and I should be friends with benefits because it's been some time for him. Evaluating the whole situation and out weighing the consequences, I eventually hooked up with him with the intentions that it was a one time thing. It was a MUTUAL DECISION. When done and days later, we joked about the whole situation and how we are still friends after hooking up. (The reasons why I chose to hook up with Derrick was because, I want to see if I was able to move on from my ex. I did it because, I trusted Derrick and that he was my friend. I did not have the intentions to hurt my friend Jessica however, I feel like I betrayed her. IT WAS A MUTUAL DECISION) This is where the whole situation gets worse, I ended up telling my ex that I hooked up with Derrick. My ex was upset but he couldn't do anything about it because he was in a different relationship and I was technically single. I still kept in touch with Derrick and at the same time I kept in touch with my ex. Months go by, one day talking on the phone with Derrick he suggested that maybe him and I should hook up once more. Contemplating about it I declined, the next day he had the same offer and I went. I drove to his house and we hooked up again, this time however, I did not tell my ex. My ex found out about Derrick and I hooking up by going through my phone one day. Upset, my ex calls and emails my friend Jessica to tell her that I've been hooking up with Derrick. Derrick and I devised a plan to tell Jessica that my ex is crazy and that the store was fictional. Jessica confronts Derrick and I about the situation, we both deny it and use the story that we both devised. Jessica "believes" it but I feel bad because, I lied to her. I know I have to tell her the truth but Derrick does not want me to tell her. Derrick feels like it should not be mentioned and that it should be buried. So what do I do? I know I have to tell her the truth but at the same time I don't want to. I'm scared of the consequences, so what else can I possibly do or what may arise from this situation? Link to post Share on other sites
me. Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 if you were more specific, i may be able to help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Restless&Confused Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 Like how more specific? Link to post Share on other sites
me. Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 my neuro-optic perception is very skewed. Link to post Share on other sites
visualbasicide Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 If you want to do what you feel is right, then tell her. Pretty much tell her the whole post. Depends on what you value more I guess. Your hookups or your friend. Don't know what else to tell you, but since it is obviously bothering you and if you continue with him the truth is going to come out eventually anyway so decide which relationship is more valuable. I understand you view them both as your friends. Honestly why doesn't he want her to know? What does it matter? He want to keep her and him cool so he can always fall back to her when she is single or at least willing? Just doesn't make sense to me why he would care at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Restless&Confused Posted September 8, 2011 Author Share Posted September 8, 2011 (edited) He doesn't want people in his business and he does not want her to stop talking to him. Edited September 8, 2011 by Restless&Confused Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) I've never hooked up with a friend's ex but honestly they dated 6 mths and you waited 8 mths after their relationship before doing anything. Honestly it's none of your ex's business what you do since you're technically single but since I have never been in your situation I cannot speculate whether or not it should be brought up to your friend or not. I would say technically it's none of her business either since they're not a couple but I don't know your social domain or if she still talks to this ex b/f or not. I think it's stupid that you involved your ex into what you were doing and I think lying to your friend about hooking up is kinda childish. You really shouldn't have to explain yourself but if you feel bad about it you should just tell her straight up rather than lying. If they were only together 6 mths like you say and broke up then there must have been a reason why it didn't work out, it's not like they're in the middle of working things out. They dated for some months and stopped for whatever reason. Your ex really pulled a bltch move by ratting you out to your friend when you could have avoided it entirely by not telling him shlt about your sex life but you dragged him into it regardless. Tell the friend you hooked up with the ex so she hears it first hand and learn to keep your personal life to yourself and stop telling other people what you're doing is my advice. If your ex is in a new relationship then honestly why the hell does he care about what you're doing and why do you feel the need to let him know what you're doing. You're not a couple anymore and he has a new chick, nothing you do is ANY of his business. Edited September 13, 2011 by mixwell Added more Link to post Share on other sites
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