littlemissomg Posted May 8, 2004 Share Posted May 8, 2004 Hey everyone, I'm new here so bare with me if I'm in the wrong place or anything! Basically, there's a guy I've liked for quite a while. I only saw him from walking past him in the street each day, so clearly never expected anything to happen, he was just a bit of eye candy. A couple of months ago he came and said hi to me in a club and we chatted, made it pretty clear he liked me, etc but explained he was shy. Well, I set to thinking maybe we'd speak and something could happen. It didn't, we started saying hello to each other when we passed and he would blush, but that was all. It annoyed me because he is really cute, but I figured he was either really shy or not interested. The other weekend I saw him out in a club and said hi. Saw him later that night and he bought me a drink, we spent a while chatting and making each other laugh, etc. Saw him the next night and offered him a drink, ended up speaking to him for three hours!!! There was a real spark there, you know how sometimes you just get on with a person? I'm quite a shy person and I'd usually run a mile from holding a conversation for anywhere near that length of time. Well, I found out he was engaged. He didn't say anything good about his fiance... he admitted cheating before (she made the move to him, it was in a club, he was drunk, kind of thought 'why not' I guess)... he made a few comments to suggest he'll be single sometime again. Well, I should have backed off, I know that. For some reason I didn't and we kissed at the end of the night, he told me he's wanted to do that to me for so long... I didn't feel too guilty, but I was worried that things would be awkward when I see him each day. He saw me the next day shopping and he made a beeline for me, again we had some real natural conversation and we chat more now each day when we pass each other. I'm not used to being in this situation. I've been cheated on so I know how it feels, and I know it was wrong. I'm not going to let him play me, I'm not going to be a cheap thrill (there are enough girls in our town for that and I'm not included!), I just don't know what to do now. I'm probably sounding really stupid or naive in this post, I think I'm quite a realistic person. There are a few things that just make me wonder about it all... if he wanted a cheap thrill why spend all night talking to me as if we were close mates (I cannot explain the spark, and I'm not talking a sexual spark or a love spark, I'm talking two people who get on and make each other laugh)? Also, if he's engaged why was he out three nights in a row without his girl? I saw more of him than she did that weekend! My mate told me his mate told her the guy really likes me... she said I could probably split them up if I wanted. I don't want to do that. If things are bad with his girl then that's a separate thing from whatever he wants from me... I'm not going to become the other woman. As you can tell I'm confused and I'm sorry for rambling so much! Any input at all would be appreciated so much... if anyone has been where I am now and has any advice, or if anyone thinks he sounds genuinely unhappy or just a player... please just comment!!! Thank you Becc x Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted May 8, 2004 Share Posted May 8, 2004 You have another post where you ask if you are the other woman... These questions are pretty much answered there. I don't think that you should get involved with this person. He's engaged and completely not worth the trouble as he's obviously not someone who knows how to do the right thing when it comes to his SO. You mentioned that he's already cheated on her once. What makes you think that, hypothetically, he wouldn't do the same to you on the off chance that he actually did break it off with his fiancee? You would not be happy and it will make for a very complicated and messy situation. Stay away from him! Probably not even worth a friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author littlemissomg Posted May 8, 2004 Author Share Posted May 8, 2004 Thank you Shamen Yes I have been reading the posts on here and seeing that it causes so much pain, even for the other woman who I think is missed out usually when people consider the suffering. I don't think anything else will happen, certainly nothing would in the day when we see each other - if I see him in the club it could be harder. But I'll carry on speaking to him, as I said there is a spark there whereby we can just chat, and further from that I don't know what to think. Thanks Again Link to post Share on other sites
shamen Posted May 8, 2004 Share Posted May 8, 2004 OK... it sounds like you are considering being the OW here. If you want to be friends with this guy, then so be it. I suggested not being friends so you wouldn't be tempted. You are already tempted and you're not even with him! You mentioned that you weren't sure what you would do in the club... don't do anything more than friends would do! That includes kissing. You will be so much better off. You're just thinking about being the OW now; later on we could be reading your posts about being it. Do you really want to go through that? Reread some of the OW posts to remind yourself of what you would go through. If the guy is genuinely unhappy, he would break off the engagement without the two of you being involved. Otherwise, the guy is a player. Stick to being friends, or being nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
reachingskywards Posted May 8, 2004 Share Posted May 8, 2004 Hi Becc Thanks for responding to my post on 'Am I an OW?'...glad to know I could be of some help. In answer to your question here .. I htink he's a player. Just because you guys have a spark and a good conversation doesn't mean he's not. I'm glad that you've decided not to take it any further... I think it's a wise move.. and it probably wouldn't hurt too much to give him a wide berth at the club either. Anyway -- best of luck with everything. Sky Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 8, 2004 Share Posted May 8, 2004 The guy is a loser. Any fellow who'd chat p and kiss another woman while ENGAGED is no prize. Run far and fast from this one. If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author littlemissomg Posted May 9, 2004 Author Share Posted May 9, 2004 Thank you again for your input I know everything you say is true - I need to walk away and not get involved. Without sounding pathetic, it's not that easy because I genuinely like this guy!! I know what I have to do though... I guess it's hard because I'll still have to see him each day. I'm really mad at myself for getting like this, he's just a guy, nothing special. Forbidden fruits and all that? Well, if it's ok I think I'll stay around on this board... maybe I can vent on here if I need to. It's not something I've been proud of enough to tell people! Thanks Again Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 Well, if it's ok I think I'll stay around on this board... maybe I can vent on here if I need to. It's not something I've been proud of enough to tell people! Absolutely! It's not obligatory that you be in a relationship to belong Link to post Share on other sites
Author littlemissomg Posted May 9, 2004 Author Share Posted May 9, 2004 Thank you Moimeme Link to post Share on other sites
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