Badenov Posted September 8, 2011 Share Posted September 8, 2011 I'm now divorced after 9 years of marriage & trying to get back into the dating scene. Truth is, I was never much of an operator to begin with. My main problem was "crossing the line": going from idle conversation into expressing an interest--asking someone out. I never knew how, what to say, how to work up the courage & do it with confidence. Low self-esteem & fear of rejection always got in the way. My other problem is that I'm terrible at reading "signals". I would make a fool out of myself asking out women with boyfriends, then missing out on opportunities where I didn't find out the woman really wanted to be more than just friends until it was too late. At any rate, just before I met my soon-to-be ex, I had some limited success with personal ads (This was before the internet made them obsolete). I guess it was because the interest was already expressed by its very nature, so there was no fear of looking like an idiot. There was also no need to interpret every smile & hair-flip. Everyone would cut to the chase, and the rejection was a lot less personal. So now I'm looking into dating websites & was wondering if anyone had any advice, wisdom or expieriences to share. Are they worth it? Are they rip-offs? What to look out for? Which are best? At this stage of my life, it just seems like my best option than starting from scratch: hanging out at bars, hitting on random women, or expecting friends to set me up. What do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
Centaurus Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Have a go on okcupid.com, and let us know how that goes. Its free, so it cant be a ripoff! As for asking a girl out for a beer, what's the big deal? Just do it without even thinking twice, without any fear of imaginary repercussion. I get shot down 50% of the time, but I still manage to go out on spontaneous dates frequently. That's pretty good for somebody that looks only slightly better than and reminds people of Sheldon from Big Bang Theory... In my opinion, if you over think your approach, youll choke when it comes to asking a girl out, and the whole thing will start weirdly. Just go for it... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Badenov Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 In my opinion, if you over think your approach, youll choke when it comes to asking a girl out, and the whole thing will start weirdly. Just go for it... You're absolutely right. I always want to be 100% sure she'll say yes before I ask, and I can never come off sounding casual. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I always want to be 100% sure she'll say yes before I ask You can't ever be 100% sure anyone will say yes to anything you ask, right? So why set yourself up for such a requirement with people you don't even know yet? Lower your expectations and your results will be much more pleasant than you anticipate. Link to post Share on other sites
Starry_Dreamer Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 i tried okcupid and it didnt work out for me... the people on there are scary. i just got msgs for guys asking to go out and sleep together or other pervy questions. creepy site, creepy people. but good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Badenov Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 i tried okcupid and it didnt work out for me... the people on there are scary. i just got msgs for guys asking to go out and sleep together or other pervy questions. creepy site, creepy people. but good luck Yeah, I'm trying it now for the heck of it. Doing Matchmaker too for 3 months. Maybe I just need a little practice interacting for awhile. Link to post Share on other sites
Centaurus Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 i tried okcupid and it didnt work out for me... the people on there are scary. i just got msgs for guys asking to go out and sleep together or other pervy questions. creepy site, creepy people. but good luck The above is the main consequence of a free dating site, and you being female. If you can ignore and delete those emails and responses, just wait long enough for a real response, thus I recommend waiting for something to come along. Not only that, but you have to email guys that you might be interested in... Link to post Share on other sites
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