SepW in love with Sng Man in love with MW

[truckergirl]

Not sure if this is the proper venue for this..but here's the story..it's lengthy~ I'm a recently separated woman. Six years ago, my H had an affair with a coworker for 2 years. I left, never spoke of divorce, just thought that my leaving would smarten him up. The day I left he got the OW pregnant. There is now a 5 year old boy as a result. I went back home stupidly, due to empty promises. It changed the marriage. I wasn't happy and was bored. Two years later after his affair, I left again to be with somebody else..I said at least I left first before I had an affair.. Once again, empty promises brought me back home. Now here we are..almost 12 years into the marriage (no children together) and the festering wound of his affair has turned fatal and I no longer have the desire to be there. I moved out and filed for a divorce..now the situation. A divorced man that has been a mutual friend/acquaintance/fellow driver and I had started to talk, text etc etc over the last month and a half. We've known of each other over 8 years however we were both married and not interested back then. Now, it's incredible how much we have in common...almost scary to say the least. We've spent an insane amount of time together. So much so he wanted me to move in with him. I said no because No.1 it's too soon after my separation (divorce wont be final for 3 months) and No. 2 it's just "too soon"! Now comes the monkey wrench..for 3 years after his divorce he was seeing a married woman 2 states away. In 3 years she promised to leave her husband, only came to visit him twice and that was for a day trip. He would break up with her and get back together with her..yada yada yada. He finally said he got tired of the games...Got rid of all her pictures..everything..said she was out of his life for good. We hit it off right away. So much so that it was like it was written somewhere that we were supposed to be together. I was planning on leaving my husband anyway...but after him telling me this story of the games, I decided to expedite the separation and divorce probably to show him that not everyone plays games. I really fell in love with him (although he told me first). So after a few months, i go all the way up to his place because we were supposed to go camping at his sisters and wham! He tells me he started talking to his ex MW and he "didn't know what he wanted now"...I'm like WHAT?!?!.. Talk a bout a bowling ball between the eyes. He told her about me and she told him "i will leave my husband if you come back to me"..so he dumped me and here I sit..In shock because if anyone was the right person for me..he was.. so what the heck..any help? Move on, stick around waiting for him to see that she's messing with his head..the whole "I don't want to leave my husband for you but I don't want you being with anybody else" routine~ Thanks people

[Saul Goodman]

He told her about me and she told him "i will leave my husband if you come back to me"..so he dumped me and here I sit

Doesn't seem like the MW is the only one playing games.

 

Hope you have the patience for this sorta stuff. If not than I'd recommend moving on.

[country_gurl]

Not sure if this is the proper venue for this..but here's the story..it's lengthy~ I'm a recently separated woman. Six years ago, my H had an affair with a coworker for 2 years. I left, never spoke of divorce, just thought that my leaving would smarten him up. The day I left he got the OW pregnant. There is now a 5 year old boy as a result. I went back home stupidly, due to empty promises. It changed the marriage. I wasn't happy and was bored. Two years later after his affair, I left again to be with somebody else..I said at least I left first before I had an affair.. Once again, empty promises brought me back home. Now here we are..almost 12 years into the marriage (no children together) and the festering wound of his affair has turned fatal and I no longer have the desire to be there. I moved out and filed for a divorce..now the situation. A divorced man that has been a mutual friend/acquaintance/fellow driver and I had started to talk, text etc etc over the last month and a half. We've known of each other over 8 years however we were both married and not interested back then. Now, it's incredible how much we have in common...almost scary to say the least. We've spent an insane amount of time together. So much so he wanted me to move in with him. I said no because No.1 it's too soon after my separation (divorce wont be final for 3 months) and No. 2 it's just "too soon"! Now comes the monkey wrench..for 3 years after his divorce he was seeing a married woman 2 states away. In 3 years she promised to leave her husband, only came to visit him twice and that was for a day trip. He would break up with her and get back together with her..yada yada yada. He finally said he got tired of the games...Got rid of all her pictures..everything..said she was out of his life for good. We hit it off right away. So much so that it was like it was written somewhere that we were supposed to be together. I was planning on leaving my husband anyway...but after him telling me this story of the games, I decided to expedite the separation and divorce probably to show him that not everyone plays games. I really fell in love with him (although he told me first). So after a few months, i go all the way up to his place because we were supposed to go camping at his sisters and wham! He tells me he started talking to his ex MW and he "didn't know what he wanted now"...I'm like WHAT?!?!.. Talk a bout a bowling ball between the eyes. He told her about me and she told him "i will leave my husband if you come back to me"..so he dumped me and here I sit..In shock because if anyone was the right person for me..he was.. so what the heck..any help? Move on, stick around waiting for him to see that she's messing with his head..the whole "I don't want to leave my husband for you but I don't want you being with anybody else" routine~ Thanks people

 

As someone who experienced having a spouse cheat on you, how can you have any respect or feelings for a man whose moral compass is so screwed up that he was previously involved with a MARRIED WOMAN and now, when he has you in his life, he's not sure if he should go back with her (a married woman) or stick with you? Don't you think you deserve a man who has morals and who will choose you and only you?

[East7]

He tells me he started talking to his ex MW and he "didn't know what he wanted now"...I'm like WHAT?!?!.. Talk a bout a bowling ball between the eyes. He told her about me and she told him "i will leave my husband if you come back to me"..so he dumped me and here I sit..In shock because if anyone was the right person for me..he was.. so what the heck..any help? Move on, stick around waiting for him to see that she's messing with his head..the whole "I don't want to leave my husband for you but I don't want you being with anybody else" routine~ Thanks people

 

Wow, either this guy is really screwed up or he isn't that into you.

 

Maybe you were his rebound to get over xMW, but then again he is not over her yet. They are still in contact and he tells her about you like he needs her approval OR maybe to make her jealous. In any case he is not being respectful to you.

 

MW are often possessive and sometimes (not all) manipulative to keep their OM hooked on. But then again, if he is so stupid to buy " I'll leave my H if you come back"...after 3 years? Jeez, he is really screwed.

 

OP, I'd recommend to back off and don't give him so much time and attention. Tell him to go and keep his MW. Respect yourself.

[Emme]

The most important thing I got out of your post is that you are FREE! You are now free to live your life without any man in it. That's what you should do, for now. You seem to have faith in men and you shouldn't loose that but now I think it's time you put yourself first. I want you to be selfish. Live your life for you and only you, not for some man. Not for a man that you hope or pray will acknowledge how great a woman you are. Your marriage should have been your first lesson what you will no longer accept in life. You are not getting any younger and in life wisdom comes from experience.

 

Get out there and leave the past behind. Leave both men behind. Move forward in life and don’t look back. You have had a marriage that ended badly. You have no offspring’s. You can’t put yourself back on the same treadmill you’ve been on with your marriage. It’s time to get off the treadmill. It’s time to go outside and walk in the sun.

 

The pain is real. It won’t go away for now, but it will pass with time. It will pass if you open yourself up to someone who is completely available to be yours. Take the chance on life. You haven’t been living you’ve been running. Live woman! Have fun doing it!

[truckergirl]

How true all your words are~It's nice to have help looking "outside the box"...Thanks...I suppose I had the same thoughts as the rest of you but needed confirmation.