Hurt my girlfriend unintentionally...

[Daedalus]

Well, my girlfriend is pregnant and I want to keep the baby and so does she. I love her and our future child to my absolute core. The other night I left my facebook open and she read my private messages, one of them from a girl I have been close friends with forever. We did call eachother "babe" in the messages, and there were "<3" used as well - but this is just how we talk between ourselves, we both know nothing will ever come of it, and its just a friendship.

 

All that the conversation was about was me offering her support if she needs it because her father is rough on her, and if she wants she can always call me and I'll take her away from there because she has no car.

 

Anyway, my girlfriend, future mother of my child is understandably emotional and upset over it. I'm crushed she thinks its anything more than it is. She does not want me to call her "babe" anymore because I called my friend that. It hurts, because the way I speak 'babe' to my friend is not how it sounds in facebook chat... ugh. I can see that seeing it in black and white looks like she is a secret girl on the side, but no way, far to young and naive, I'm gonna be a father - besides my girlfriend is way hotter!

 

Its a mess, what do I do? My girlfriend says she will get over it but for now she is hurt. Seeing her hurt destroys me.

[ScienceGal]

I didn't see anywhere in your message that your girlfriend wants you to stop speaking to your friend. That's good, and a sign of her maturity. Basically, do not call this other woman "babe" anymore. And the hearts should really be left out too. Use other (less affectionate) words to show your friend that you care.

 

Give your girlfriend a big hug and tell her you love her. Tell her she is the only one you want to be with and you are so excited to have a baby and a life with her. Tell her you know it was a stupid thing that you did, but you didn't see it as being wrong because it didn't mean anything intimate to you. But, now you see how it is hurtful it was to her and that you just want to make her feel better about it because it kills you to see her cry. Tell her you'll give her space and and if she wants to talk about it you're there for her. Tell her you love her again. Just be there for her.

 

Cook her something good for dinner or breakfast.

You two will be ok

Edited September 9, 2011 by ScienceGal

[OnyxSnowfall]

Show your girlfriend a correspondence with a close male friend that includes the two of you calling one another "babe" and using "<3" too. So she truly sees there's no harm in it

 

If you don't do that with any close male friends... ask yourself why not. It's just friendship, nothing will come of it... right?

 

(also... it's hard to say. Some people may be able to get over it on their own, others may need this "person" removed from the picture... you have to ask her what she needs. And you have to decide what you're willing to meet).

Edited September 9, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall

[D-Lish]

Well, my girlfriend is pregnant and I want to keep the baby and so does she. I love her and our future child to my absolute core. The other night I left my facebook open and she read my private messages, one of them from a girl I have been close friends with forever. We did call eachother "babe" in the messages, and there were "<3" used as well - but this is just how we talk between ourselves, we both know nothing will ever come of it, and its just a friendship.

 

All that the conversation was about was me offering her support if she needs it because her father is rough on her, and if she wants she can always call me and I'll take her away from there because she has no car.

 

Anyway, my girlfriend, future mother of my child is understandably emotional and upset over it. I'm crushed she thinks its anything more than it is. She does not want me to call her "babe" anymore because I called my friend that. It hurts, because the way I speak 'babe' to my friend is not how it sounds in facebook chat... ugh. I can see that seeing it in black and white looks like she is a secret girl on the side, but no way, far to young and naive, I'm gonna be a father - besides my girlfriend is way hotter!

 

Its a mess, what do I do? My girlfriend says she will get over it but for now she is hurt. Seeing her hurt destroys me.

 

Honestly? Why do you need to call another woman on your facebook "babe".

 

If you want to know the truth from a woman that was pregnant and unfortunately lost the child- your talk with the other girl is disrespectful and demeaning in the worst way. You have NO idea what it's like to be pregnant- it's a nightmare of emotions and hormones that is new to us, and something you will never understand.

 

I'd never forget seeing that exchange either, and I'd probably have left you over it.

 

You don't get it.

[Daedalus]

Honestly? Why do you need to call another woman on your facebook "babe".

 

If you want to know the truth from a woman that was pregnant and unfortunately lost the child- your talk with the other girl is disrespectful and demeaning in the worst way. You have NO idea what it's like to be pregnant- it's a nightmare of emotions and hormones that is new to us, and something you will never understand.

 

I'd never forget seeing that exchange either, and I'd probably have left you over it.

 

You don't get it.

 

I have no idea your right. I understand nothing of what she is going through during pregnancy. I already know that I know nothing of this - its what contributes to how horrible I feel.

 

I have trust, one hundred percent in her, I was fine with her visiting her ex-boyfriends house a week ago, because she told me it was lunch with his mother whom she was good friends with. I was ok with that. I trusted her.

 

That was before she found out she was pregnant (we had been trying for months) and before she read my facebook chat with my friend.

 

But you are absolutely right. I love her to bits and I'd kill for my child, and I'm emotional over simply typing this reply, but ok.

 

Fair enough.

[D-Lish]

I have no idea your right. I understand nothing of what she is going through during pregnancy. I already know that I know nothing of this - its what contributes to how horrible I feel.

 

I have trust, one hundred percent in her, I was fine with her visiting her ex-boyfriends house a week ago, because she told me it was lunch with his mother whom she was good friends with. I was ok with that. I trusted her.

 

That was before she found out she was pregnant (we had been trying for months) and before she read my facebook chat with my friend.

 

But you are absolutely right. I love her to bits and I'd kill for my child, and I'm emotional over simply typing this reply, but ok.

 

Fair enough.

 

Well I can tell I made you pissy.

 

I got pregant with my ex-bf- he didn't want the child and I did. He wouldn't address the issue with me after saying he didn't want to have a child- so I made it to 14 weeks living in limbo, not being able to talk to him about what was going on because he just pretended it "wasn't happening"... I had a miscarriage, he dumped me 2 weeks after because he thought my behaviour during pregnancy made us incompatible...

 

Just have some compassion- because hormones really have an impact on us as women in a way that men don't fully comprehend.

[country_gurl]

Just curious, what ages are you?

 

If you've been admittedly "trying for months" to get pregnant, why aren't you 2 married?

 

Friends generally don't refer to platonic friends as 'babe' so it's completely understandable that your GF was upset. Add to that the fact that her hormones are all in a tizzy due to being pregnant.

 

You seriously need to focus your time and energy now on making your GF and future mother of your child, feel like she's the only one on the world who matters to you. You need to reassure her that you're 110% committed to her. Show her with actions, not words. She and your unborn baby do not need the stress of her worrying about your intentions and level of commitment.

[Daedalus]

Well I can tell I made you pissy.

 

I got pregant with my ex-bf- he didn't want the child and I did. He wouldn't address the issue with me after saying he didn't want to have a child- so I made it to 14 weeks living in limbo, not being able to talk to him about what was going on because he just pretended it "wasn't happening"... I had a miscarriage, he dumped me 2 weeks after because he thought my behaviour during pregnancy made us incompatible...

 

Just have some compassion- because hormones really have an impact on us as women in a way that men don't fully comprehend.

 

I need to go and do something around the house to take my mind of things I think. Then take her out to lunch on her work break.

 

Before I do though, it saddens me to here what happened with you and your ex-bf. I hope so very much that things have gotten better for you since this, even the thought of losing the child feels like someone cutting out a piece of my heart.

 

But your brutally honest about how you feel. Its your perspective on things, though I must say I hope sciencegal is right - either way, I've not thought about my actions and that's led to a lack of compassion.

 

If I was a religious man I'd ask god for answers. But I'm not, so I came here for some honesty. I got it.

[Daedalus]

Just curious, what ages are you?

 

If you've been admittedly "trying for months" to get pregnant, why aren't you 2 married?

 

Friends generally don't refer to platonic friends as 'babe' so it's completely understandable that your GF was upset. Add to that the fact that her hormones are all in a tizzy due to being pregnant.

 

You seriously need to focus your time and energy now on making your GF and future mother of your child, feel like she's the only one on the world who matters to you. You need to reassure her that you're 110% committed to her. Show her with actions, not words. She and your unborn baby do not need the stress of her worrying about your intentions and level of commitment.

 

She is 23 I am 25. We have both always wanted to have children. Marriage over here is not such a big deal (though I do have a ring I'm paying off, three months pay is the tradition over here) I was planning on proposing to her sometime after the baby is born.

 

She already knows and wants to marry, so its best I wait until a moment when she is not thinking about it, and then get down on one knee, old school style.

 

It's not a conventional family anyway, my family are Buddhist, one part of her family are Agnostics and the other side of her family are all Jehovah Witness.

 

Its a strange mix! But all have come together on this, all respect us and are just as happy as we are for our expecting child.

[D-Lish]

I need to go and do something around the house to take my mind of things I think. Then take her out to lunch on her work break.

 

Before I do though, it saddens me to here what happened with you and your ex-bf. I hope so very much that things have gotten better for you since this, even the thought of losing the child feels like someone cutting out a piece of my heart.

 

But your brutally honest about how you feel. Its your perspective on things, though I must say I hope sciencegal is right - either way, I've not thought about my actions and that's led to a lack of compassion.

 

If I was a religious man I'd ask god for answers. But I'm not, so I came here for some honesty. I got it.

 

My heart still breaks every day. We've been broken up for almost 5 months, but have recently come together again to talk about what happened.

 

The best advice I can give you is that the pregnant girl you know isn't the girl she is.

 

Hormones are a crazy thing. I went mental, and I'm level headed normally.

 

Don't know if that insight helps- but I hope it does a little.

 

Best of luck.

 

xo

D-lish

[make me believe]

Show your girlfriend a correspondence with a close male friend that includes the two of you calling one another "babe" and using "<3" too. So she truly sees there's no harm in it

 

If you don't do that with any close male friends... ask yourself why not. It's just friendship, nothing will come of it... right?

 

(also... it's hard to say. Some people may be able to get over it on their own, others may need this "person" removed from the picture... you have to ask her what she needs. And you have to decide what you're willing to meet).

 

Agreed.

 

OP, your interactions with your female friend are inappropriate. You have a girlfriend and a child on the way. You should NOT be offering yourself up as a primary support person for this other girl. "Babe" and "<3" are not platonic, no matter how you try to spin it. As Onyx pointed out, you wouldn't call a male friend babe or put <3 in a conversation with him. I would be super upset about this if I were your girlfriend. Since you two are now having a baby and making further commitments to each other, maybe it's time to revisit the boundaries for your relationship and talk about what is or is not appropriate when interacting with the opposite sex.

[Osiris1234]

Don't leave your facebook open next time, its not gonna kil lyou to take 5 sec to sign back in.

[dasein]

Couldn't disagree more about your interactions being inappropriate. It's just a misunderstanding. Female platonic friends often start up with the "babe" and hearts stuff with their male friends and mean nothing by it, your GF knows this perfectly well, but is emotional and hormonal in the pregnancy. Take her at her word, and let the topic drop. She will be fine. If she harps on it, you may have to get a bit firm. Would cease all contact with this friend during the pregnancy, though.

 

For the women who say inappropriate, have you ever called a platonic female friend of yours "babe?" or sent them kisses? I know almost all my female friends do that with their FEMALE friends as well as their male friends. I bet OP didn't start this convention up, the female friend did, so asking him to justify it by how he acts with his male friends is unfair.

[OnyxSnowfall]

For the women who say inappropriate, have you ever called a platonic female friend of yours "babe?" or sent them kisses? I know almost all my female friends do that with their FEMALE friends as well as their male friends. I bet OP didn't start this convention up, the female friend did, so asking him to justify it by how he acts with his male friends is unfair.

 

When I was in high school....

...

..

 

.

and keep in mind that I was actually sexual with a lot of those same females...

 

also, I've never done so with any males I've attempted to have platonic relationships with.

 

So perhaps his GF doesn't know this perfectly (I certainly was unaware that it means perfectly nothing).

Edited September 10, 2011 by OnyxSnowfall

[Leigh 87]

When you have a partner/girlfriend, or are exclusive with a girl, it is not appropriate to call other girls " babe".

 

Even though it means nothing, there are certain rules when u are with some one, for instance; no one on one time with the opposite sex, unless it is coffee on the odd occasion ( and not more then say twice a week, any more is too much time spent alone with other females).

 

That is just the way is goes once u are in a relationship; no matter how much you love your partner, there are just certain things that you do not do.

 

For example, I really liked my boyfriend, when a guy ( a hot body builder), who I had perviously hooked up with, contacted me, and wanted to be friends.

 

I had NO intention or even the slightest desire to cheat on my boyfriend, HOWEVER; it was not appropriate for me to spend time with the guy, because he would have definately made a move on me if I had wanted him.

 

My desire and actions would never have hurt my boyfriend, but that is not the point. It is disrespectful to spend time alone with guys, call them babe, or other such behaviour, EVEN if it is innocent on your part.

[freestyle]

Agreed.

 

OP, your interactions with your female friend are inappropriate. You have a girlfriend and a child on the way. You should NOT be offering yourself up as a primary support person for this other girl. "Babe" and "<3" are not platonic, no matter how you try to spin it. As Onyx pointed out, you wouldn't call a male friend babe or put <3 in a conversation with him. I would be super upset about this if I were your girlfriend. Since you two are now having a baby and making further commitments to each other, maybe it's time to revisit the boundaries for your relationship and talk about what is or is not appropriate when interacting with the opposite sex.

 

This how emotional affairs begin.........She needs to find someone else to be her sounding board.

 

Otherwise, she'll start taking up time & emotional energy that needs to be spent on YOUR partner, and eventually your child as well.Once the baby is born, you'll be lucky to sleep through the night---and your girlfriend is going to need extra help and attention as well.When you're going through the adjustment of having a baby in your home, it's very inappropriate for friends to be turning to you for emotional support, and having expectations of your time and energy---your priorities are going to need to change.