kittykat6600 Posted May 8, 2004 Share Posted May 8, 2004 hi, i am so lost, i dont know what to do anymore. a few months ago, i found out my b/f was cheating with a girl that he worked with. they work at a college but she went away to a different college but she comes back to work on her breaks.he says he almost left me for her. we are together 9 yrs. we've had some pretty difficult times and i suffer from depression due to my childhood and the way he treats me. i feel worthless to him. hes cruel and says htings to put me down.but we do have some good times and he says he wants to give me the world for how ive suffered. when he cheatsed , i handled it pretty well , or so i thought at the time. i was way more calm that i would ever thought i wouldve been if i ever found that out. and i said i would give him another chance. well, we moved out by ourselves (finally) in march and its been going downhill really fast. i was starting to feel all kinds of pain and torment over this situation and im starting to develop hatred for this girl because i found out that she tried to get into my brothers head the same way and break up his relationship.(they go through toughs times too)now shes ruining my life and relationship. my b/f even had her talking to our son over the phone.his sister(my so called best friend) even knew too. she pointed some things out to me after i caught him already. well, we were shopping on wednesday and she came up in our conversation and i mention that i thought she was a bitch and a hoe for what she did with my brother,(her and her sister screwed him) apparently this shocked him b/c he says he heard of that when she first started liking him and she denied it. well i guess it was bothering him so much that he tells me he has to use the bathroom and he'll be right back. i think nothing of it and say ok. well i end up having to pee and i go towards the bathroom and i hear him talking on the phone. i hear him saying" did u do it or not. u know how this hurts me, did u do it after ur prom or before, why didnt u tell me" i banged on the door . when he opened it, he was shocked, then tried saying he knew i was standing there. theres no way he couldve. . i pushed our cart aside and we left. i totally flipped out tell him it was over and how dare he put me through all this hell when he knows how bad it hurt before. he balled his eyes out saying he wants me and that he doesnt want it to be over and he couldnt live without me. now again its 2 days later and hes treating me like **** again. i need some advice. i dont think i can go on anymore with him but at the same time i love him. sorry for this being so long, i tried to give as many details as i could remember to put in. any help would be appriciated. thanks ) Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 8, 2004 Share Posted May 8, 2004 now shes ruining my life and relationship. No she's not - HE'S the one responsible for ruining your relationship. The writing's on the wall on this one I'm afraid. After two days he's treating you like sh*t again? He leaves you in the mall to go phone this girl to check whether she's screwed around with your brother? Like it should matter anyway. She's screwing around with him isn't she? He makes you depressed, puts you down, you feel worthless to him and he's cheated on you before. You need to get this man out of your life permanently. He's proven to you that you can't trust him. Get some counselling for your depression and go see a doctor. Work on getting yourself better without this SOB who's only making things worse for you. You say that you love him, but what about you? Do you love yourself enough to get rid of him? Link to post Share on other sites
Broli2001122 Posted May 8, 2004 Share Posted May 8, 2004 Okay I will agree mostly with what Bluechocolate has to say. Yes this guy is a friggen jerk he is a dipicable excuse for a man. Lose him. Secondly, You don't need a doctor to get help with depression just a really close friend. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 8, 2004 Share Posted May 8, 2004 Originally posted by Broli2001122 Secondly, You don't need a doctor to get help with depression just a really close friend. Some depressives have a chemical imbalance in their brain that can be helped through proper diagnosis and medication. Link to post Share on other sites
Broli2001122 Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 Bach! You and your modern remedies. It's all scientific now huh? People didn't pop pills during depression 500 years ago, 1000 years ago, 5000 years ago, why are we now? Chemical imbalances! bach I hate people who think they can understand a divine beings creation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kittykat6600 Posted May 10, 2004 Author Share Posted May 10, 2004 thanks for the advice. its kinda hard to step back from a relationship and see the big picture. even though people have been telling me to leave him, i didnt know whether they were telling me because they cared orbecause they didnt wanna see us together. i have seen a dr for depression and he gave me lexapro. they stopped working and i cant go back to him cause i have no insurance and cant afford to pay the fee. i know i should and want to leave him , its just that i know he will make my life hell if i do. he already threatened to take me for custody cause he knows that , thats the only way he can deeply hurt me. but he has been hurting me for years now and i finally had enough. and if i do leave he'll also turn people against me. he has ways of doing it, his family has all done it before to me. any advice on how i could catch him with proof? that'll make it easier for me to leave him and walk away without a struggle. Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah_J_uk Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 i think you should leave him. hes not doing you any good, if he loved you he wouldn't keep hurting you so bad. Tell him its over. don't go back to him. It sounds like hes slowly ruining your life. You deserve so much better, you sound such a good person. Link to post Share on other sites
morrigan Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Take yourself and your child out of this guy's house--stay with your family or a friend. Dump this worthless sack of sh*t!! Your boyfriend is an abuser, and the cheating is only the icing on the cake. As far as proof, but you and this guy's sister know he was fooling around with this girl. She's not even an important issue here--if your bf wasn't having sex with her, he'd be having sex with someone else. And he would still treat you like dirt. He is attempting manipulate you, via threats, to stay with him. If you do stay, get used to the insults, treating you like ****, and the sleeping with other women, because that's what he will keep doing. You deserve better than this. He has very little chance of getting custody of your child, unless you have ever been in trouble legally for abuse or drugs. In fact, his abusive behavior and threats could be used against him, should he even attempt to get custody (and I think that it just a ploy). If either he or his family threaten you physically, notify the police. Let this man wreck his own life, not yours or your child's. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Originally posted by Broli2001122 Bach! You and your modern remedies. It's all scientific now huh? People didn't pop pills during depression 500 years ago, 1000 years ago, 5000 years ago, why are we now? Chemical imbalances! bach I hate people who think they can understand a divine beings creation. What are you talking about? If you understand a divine beings creation then please enlighten the rest of us, or write a book and make yourself a million. Otherwise go and get a medical degree and come back and tell us why you believe that all forms of depression aren't caused by a chemical imbalance. BTW, Bach is a German composer born in the 17th century. And the last time I went to the doctor they were no longer using leeches either. Link to post Share on other sites
Shindig Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 I think this guy is a slime. Every girl diserves a guy who makes her really happy, no matter what personality quirks she may have. He doesn't seem too serious about you and clearly is immature and has commitment problems. He has proven himself to be dishonest and cruel. I say get out of there and find someone who really cares about you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dulce_Angel_Whispers Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 I can't believe that your man would call that girl to find out if she slept with your brother! What is it to him unless he is still sleeping with her! He should have no reason to concern himself in her personal life now! I agree the writing is on the wall he is probably still cheating and if he loved and respected you like he should he wouldn't treat you like sh*t!! I say move out and move on! Link to post Share on other sites
Author kittykat6600 Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 i mean, i know u all think hes such a jerk, but there are nice things about him. but its been more bad than good and i have my son to think about, too many kids now a day dont have the mom and dad in the house,i dont want my sont o be one of those kids. i am just really really confused about what to do. i was thinking of moving far away with him , away from all this crap we have around here, and start over on a clean slate for both of us. he says he wants only me in his life and i have taken notice hes trying to prove it to me, but most of the time if we diagree, i turn the argument into a much bigger fight about him cheating. and i make comments and check up on him alot now. i dont wanna be like this. i would like to see if we can work this out. weve been together so long and have each grown into adults throughout our relationship. we do care deeply about each other. i have given this my all, but i wanna see if this works i guess.i wanna move away and start my life over so i can make right the things i did wrong. and i want a life with him more than anything. i just want him to repect me and love me and only me. i wanna feel cherished and appriciated. i wanna be able to sing and dance and be goofy around him. but i dont feel i can or that he'll make fun of me. i do appriciate everyone's advice and input and i wanna thank everyone for the time and concern....) Link to post Share on other sites
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