Love of my life...do I get that chance again?

[BoyinWonder]

So I will try and make this short and to the point so I can prevent peoples eyes from blurring while reading a lot=)

I was dating this lovely woman for 3 1/2 almost 4 years. We had our ups and downs but nothing seriously troubling. In the beginning of the relationship and still to this day I feel she is my soulmate. She felt the same way too. We were eachothers firsts for everything basically. Well, it's going on 3 months of being apart from her. The longest we have ever been apart is a week.

I have only called a few times in the beginning but not begging, just letting her know how I feel and how much she means to me and that I am willing to do whatever it takes, make the right commitments to her.

I have only seen her twice since this has happened. The last time was a month ago, I was walking around the local mall and saw her walking with another guy. No hands being held, not even really looking like she was talking. All I said was nicely, "Hey how's it going" I never even looked at the guy, somehow, something told me to look at her. She looked like a deer in headlights, both shocked, guilt, and a look of I am not really sure what I am doing.

I don't know if she is seeing someone else, haven't really heard anything, then again it would be all hearsay. I don't even know exactly why we broke up. All I know from her is she is not sure what she wants just that her breaking up with me is the right thing to do. I don't even know where I stand with her, friend, foe, love, hate. All she could say when I asked where I stand in her life was I don't know. I told her then enjoy your life, and she said don't say that.

At first I wanted her back, bad. Now I am at the point where I know this is not my fault, it's her insecurities. She had a lot going for her with me, a great life with someone who loved her more than life. All I want now is for her to realize she made a mistake, and me get to choose if I want her back or not.

Ask her the questions of why we should, and give her a chance to say sorry for hurting me and breaking my heart. If that can't be said, do I have the strength to say I don't want her? Or do I give in over a hurt heart? I want to be able to see that. I have the faith of a mustard seed I will soon get that chance. That she will miss me and what we had enough to want to try. I'll stop here, and see what everyone says. Thank) Will she realize it or not?

[meanttolive4ever]

im in the same position...everytime i see my ex i fall back in love with him..its been almost 3 months for me..and im hoping that in the long run that he'll realize what he's missing before its too late. I miss him an aweful lot and even tho he's with another girl i know deep down in his heart that he still loves me and that we both belong together. I still feel to this day that we're soulmates...i know being young and all, but i've never felt this way towards anyone..and i mean ANYONE.

[BoyinWonder]

We dated for the past 3 1/2 years but she has been my best friend for almost 5 years. We talked all the time and had a great time with one another.

She seemed so comfortable and happy. She always wanted me to come over, snuggle with her, be by her, hold her hand and just let her know she could be sure.

All of a sudden this happened and I am baffled. She isn't calling, instant messaging, nothing. Just seems so odd that she had something so stable and loving and threw it out the door and is seemingly okay with that. How does she sleep, go about her day knowing she hurt someone who really cares and who it seemed she wanted by her always? She had everything she could ask for in me, and I am not being egotistical, but I cared a lot for her. Just wish I knew how long this could possibly go on for, and will she never realize the mistake she made and the heart she broke that was so pure.

[bluechocolate]

You say that she broke up with you but then you go on to say that you don't know where you stand with her. Did she break up with you or not? And if so, then surely you know where you stand. You are no longer together. If she left it up in the air then you deserve a definitive answer.

 

There are a few disturbing statements in your post, like:

 

All I want now is for her to realize she made a mistake, and me get to choose if I want her back or not.

 

What on earth does that mean? It sounds to me like you're after a little revenge here. You want her to come crawling back to you, admit she was wrong, and then you can decide whether to take her back or not. Is that it? If so that is pretty childish and not the words of someone who is truly in love. She told you that breaking up was the right thing to do for her. What gives you the authority to say that it wasn't?

 

If she ended the relationship then all you can do is let her know how you feel and that you would like a second chance. The decision is then hers. If she does come back to you and you truly love her like you say you do then you should be elated beyond words to have your soulmate back.

[BoyinWonder]

Not out for revenge. Not at all. What I am saying is I love her, but she has hurt me a great deal, with no apparent reason. I know we are not seeing eachother anymore. I just don't know after that where we stand. Does she hate me, love me. Am I friend or is there a future for us like there was before.

I guess the choice is testing my strength and feelings to see if they are really true or not.

I love her dearly, I just don't want to sound desperate and sad sounding by saying I just want her back. I love her, am hurt by this, hate her for doing this to me. And feel I have to take all that into account. Not just hurting and wanting her back. Step back and look at my life, my future and is she still someone I want after this happening. If she can say sorry for hurting me, tell me exactly why this happened, b/c I really don't know, then I will know she is truly the girl I fell in love with and hold those feelings for. If she can't, if she just wants to try again and disregard what has happened and the pain caused, do I have the strength to say well I love you but I can't be with you, or do I just give into my hurt side, rather than listening to my rational heart and mind?

Hopefully that makes sense. I am not being spiteful, or hateful. I am trying to be rational, and reasonable and fair to my heart and hers. I have the most forgiving and big heart. That is why I just want to hear a sorry. I am not asking her to come crawling back, that would be a desperpate move and not out of love which is what should happen.

[bluechocolate]

There is nothing sad or desperate about wanting an explanation. If you really want to know why she ended it then just ask her. But be warned. You may not like what you hear and maybe that is why an explanation has not been forthcoming.

 

I've no doubt that if she decides to come back to you she'll feel sorry for having hurt your feelings. If she gives you an explanation and doesn't want to get back with you then you have no right to expect an apology from her, these are YOUR feelings after all and ultimately she has no control over them. It's most likely that she does feel bad for making you feel this way. You don't need to hear a sorry in order to be forgiving.

 

If she does come back to you then an explanation is absolutely necessary to avoid it happening again. I wouldn't take someone back if they broke up with me after 3 1/2 years and then decided that we could just go on as if nothing had happened.

[BoyinWonder]

I feel I just need to let it go. Do the whole no contact thing just like I have been doing. As long as we were together, I feel like it is worth fighting for and not giving up on entirely. I need to let her be and do what she needs to do.

 

She had a lot of stability and comfort with me. Soon she will realize that and want to try again. No time in the near future did I see her changing her mind but after being around and with someone so special for so long, there has to be another chance out there, soon I feel. We meant a lot to one another and love was definetly there.

You have to be without to really see what you had sometimes. I need to give her this space, if I love her I will let her do this. I can't believe she never wants to be with me again, how can one ever say that unless one did some horrible wrong to the other, which is not the case here. I pray she is okay and that she knows I will be there for her whenever she falls, always loving her and forgiving of her. I know she is an insecure person to begin with, so I know that is part of this. I feel in my heart that I am holding on to this for a reason, that love will give me another shot with her. Don't you think?=)

[Twilite Man]

I am going through the same thing. I finally got my act together to be with her for life and she then decided to go back with her dead beat husband. She said that she needs time to be alone and its hard. I want to call her and tell her how much I am thinking of her but I cant. She changed her telephone and blocked my email. I too have to wait and see.

 

Keep strong, I know its hard

[meanttolive4ever]

what should i do?

[Twilite Man]

I have done almost everything. I sent her a letter telling her how i feel (3 pages) talking to her sister and she tells me that he wont change. I go running, working out etc to get her off my mind. Hey if you want something to try, i have called to the universe, no ****, and asked her to come over to see me and guess what, it worked. I am no strange person but I said that I wanted her to come over and talk to me and did this for 5 minutes and she drove up to my office, saying that I dont know why i am here but I had to show up. Go figure.

[meanttolive4ever]

i wish he would do that..like miraculously show up at my doorstep

[Twilite Man]

Guess what everyone can do it. Just call to the universe and that is to say hey, I need him to see me right now and its what we call nonlocal communication. There is a author called Deepak Chopak that will explain all of this that I am talking about. I use it all the time, Trust me it works

[meanttolive4ever]

well i would have my friends call him and tell him to come over and he said he couldnt cause he's with her....so that means if he wasnt with her then he'd come over

[BoyinWonder]

I am so lost right now....somone please explain this all to me. And what I am to do with my situation...lol. With a love so strong and meaningful as I am willing to give and have given, will she find someone new and better? Or will she then realize that she really does want to try with me again?

She has only dated me for 3 1/2 years and no one else, so I know she needs to explore. Just wish I knew why this happened and why we can't be together. I guess one just needs the faith of a mustard seed to know that she will one day soon be back. If the love is strong and was there to begin with, then it is worth trying again.

[meanttolive4ever]

Originally posted by BoyinWonder

I am so lost right now....somone please explain this all to me. And what I am to do with my situation...lol. With a love so strong and meaningful as I am willing to give and have given, will she find someone new and better? Or will she then realize that she really does want to try with me again?

She has only dated me for 3 1/2 years and no one else, so I know she needs to explore. Just wish I knew why this happened and why we can't be together. I guess one just needs the faith of a mustard seed to know that she will one day soon be back. If the love is strong and was there to begin with, then it is worth trying again.

 

what i was always told was that if you lvoe something let it go ..if it comes back then its meant to be..and true love always comes back...

[BoyinWonder]

How does one know if it is true love or not? And do both have to feel it in order for true love to always return or just one?....sorry I recently got my masters in Psychology so I'm a bit of a head guy=)

[meanttolive4ever]

Originally posted by BoyinWonder

How does one know if it is true love or not? And do both have to feel it in order for true love to always return or just one?....sorry I recently got my masters in Psychology so I'm a bit of a head guy=)

 

if its true love...then he/she will come back n say im sorry..blah blah blah..and if its true love you'll know it!. yes..if you want to make it work..both have to still love eachother enough to make it work. im jus babbling on.

[BoyinWonder]

So if I love her enough, and truly believe she is my Soulmate, just like I did in the start of this relationship, then we will get that chance again to work on this relationship. I know she still loves me, she told me that. Just stated she didn't know what she wanted.

Said she wasn't ready for a relationship all of a sudden after 3 1/2 years. That's a long time with someone who treated her so well and and made eachother happy. Sure not all the time but everyone has ups and downs. What I'm saying is that's a long time to be with someone to just throw it out the door for good don't ya think? It all just seems so odd to me I guess.

Are the odds for or against me you think if she starts seeing someone else? Or will that be when she truly realizes she misses me and what we had?

[BoyinWonder]

So even though I saw her with someone, seemingly lost and not too happy looking. I found out yesterday that she seems to be working like overhaul. She spends more time working than usual. Well she was a workaholic to begin with but apparently she spent from 5:00am to 6:30pm at work and didn't really have to.

Even if the guy I saw her with she is still with, gotta get upset she is spending more time at work than home, especially if it was only like 3 weeks ago I saw them.

I was always there for her when she was tired and had a bad day and understood it. We both work for the same company, but she works like crazy for no reason, I choose life and not killing myself. She's got to break down at some point don't ya think? Just wish I could go to her house and give her a hug and tell her it will be okay, I understand.

I know she would probably crumble in my arms, but I gotta let her do what she wants and respect that.

[Twilite Man]

I sent my gf an email and said things like:

 

Just thinking of you. I remember how the snow caressed your face when I looked at you when we were skiing. It worked. She called me last night. She called me on her cell and we talked for hours. She commented on how sad she was with out me and how unpretty she is without me. We talked about our issues as if we are getting together. She still needs a bit more time but I see her coming around.

 

Thanks again for telling me to wait. Glad I am. There is hope afterall.

[meanttolive4ever]

Originally posted by Twilite Man

I sent my gf an email and said things like:

 

Just thinking of you. I remember how the snow caressed your face when I looked at you when we were skiing. It worked. She called me last night. She called me on her cell and we talked for hours. She commented on how sad she was with out me and how unpretty she is without me. We talked about our issues as if we are getting together. She still needs a bit more time but I see her coming around.

 

Thanks again for telling me to wait. Glad I am. There is hope afterall.

 

 

 

yes you must always keep your faith and your hope. Some things are meant to be and they just take time to reveal themselves. It could take 4 days or 4 years...who knows what will happen. And everything happens for a reason

[BoyinWonder]

I will hold on to my faith....all you need is the faith of a mustard seed to make the impossible be possible. There are no ill feelings towards one another so I can't imagine she hates me or hates the thought of being with me. Just needs time to sort things out. I pray every night, eventually I feel it will come through. Just have to hold strong myself. Thanks guys. And gals;)