blueeyes11 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 A couple of months has passed by and we still have small amounts of contact, but something has changed. ME! I spent over 4 yrs completely flipped over this older married man and when he told me the beginning of July his wife may be forced into retirement and wants to move up north i thought my world was over as I knew it. In that one statement as far as I was concerned his decision was made and it took time for all that to sink in to my deluded mind.... and oh how deluded it was. I had no idea how badly I fooled myself to think I was more than someone to keep him from being lonely and definately an ego trip. He was NEVER going to come through for me. Do I think he loved me? yes, in his own twisted way as much as he is capable of. I no longer feel that obsessed mad passion for him any longer. The thought of having sex with him....ehhh... he is ok. Its amazing when you lose that attracted feeling for someone they all of a sudden go back to looking like what they are....an over aged 55 yr old with gray hair. He still has that lovely accent and has a fancy career with a big salary, but I know what a cheap ass he is too. Its been awhile since I have seen any of those expensive gifts like he use to give me. I want better for myself and there will not be settling in my future. I read this the other week. If you are in a relationship you have to keep a secret you should not be in it. Words to live by. I know I will be from now on. Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 A couple of months has passed by and we still have small amounts of contact, but something has changed. ME! I spent over 4 yrs completely flipped over this older married man and when he told me the beginning of July his wife may be forced into retirement and wants to move up north i thought my world was over as I knew it. In that one statement as far as I was concerned his decision was made and it took time for all that to sink in to my deluded mind.... and oh how deluded it was. I had no idea how badly I fooled myself to think I was more than someone to keep him from being lonely and definately an ego trip. He was NEVER going to come through for me. Do I think he loved me? yes, in his own twisted way as much as he is capable of. I no longer feel that obsessed mad passion for him any longer. The thought of having sex with him....ehhh... he is ok. Its amazing when you lose that attracted feeling for someone they all of a sudden go back to looking like what they are....an over aged 55 yr old with gray hair. He still has that lovely accent and has a fancy career with a big salary, but I know what a cheap ass he is too. Its been awhile since I have seen any of those expensive gifts like he use to give me. I want better for myself and there will not be settling in my future. I read this the other week. If you are in a relationship you have to keep a secret you should not be in it. Words to live by. I know I will be from now on. Congrats Blue Eyes, on a job WELL DONE!!!!! I think its great that you posted the life after. So many woman and men, me included, are dealing with the NC, and still hurting. It is nice to see that you can survive and you can be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
So Very Confused Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Thank you for the encouragement. It's really hard in the beginning to see that it will get better down the road. It's nice to hear from someone who has succeeded. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 *Like* Really pleased you're happier! Link to post Share on other sites
half_ofa_heart Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Congrats Blue Eyes, on a job WELL DONE!!!!! I think its great that you posted the life after. So many woman and men, me included, are dealing with the NC, and still hurting. It is nice to see that you can survive and you can be okay. So happy for you BlueEyes! I am in the midst of Recovery as well and it's refreshing to hear about the positive side of "getting thru it". I remember someone posted sometime back that even though you think NC seems like your going INTO HELL, but you're actually going THRU it to come out the other side. You're on the other side and I'm happy for you. I hope to be there soon. See ya on the other side Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueeyes11 Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 So happy for you BlueEyes! I am in the midst of Recovery as well and it's refreshing to hear about the positive side of "getting thru it". I remember someone posted sometime back that even though you think NC seems like your going INTO HELL, but you're actually going THRU it to come out the other side. You're on the other side and I'm happy for you. I hope to be there soon. See ya on the other side I totally understand! you can do it. I know you can. I have my moments where I miss him of course, but its habit. The feeling of freedom and no guilt is so nice to have. For me it was the straw that broke the camels back and weeks of feeling inadequate. Things just start to come clearer and clearer as you get yourself back. Love and the need for wanting someone to love you back can be so blinding. I have been reading here for a long time. I told myself I couldn't do it, I need him too much, I love him too much. My life won't be better if I end this. That was self doubt talking. I can and I did and so can anyone of you OW on here. Link to post Share on other sites
mzdolphin Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 Congrats. Sometimes the smoke from the affair clouds our judgement. When you emerge from the fog, the way seems much clearer. Stay strong. Understand there will be periods of weakness. Doesn't mean you are weak, just means you'll be able to talk about how you overcame those moments of weakness. Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I totally understand! you can do it. I know you can. I have my moments where I miss him of course, but its habit. The feeling of freedom and no guilt is so nice to have. For me it was the straw that broke the camels back and weeks of feeling inadequate. Things just start to come clearer and clearer as you get yourself back. Love and the need for wanting someone to love you back can be so blinding. I have been reading here for a long time. I told myself I couldn't do it, I need him too much, I love him too much. My life won't be better if I end this. That was self doubt talking. I can and I did and so can anyone of you OW on here. I think you just hit the nail on the head!!! I sometimes wonder if the missing isn't just missing the routine of seeing and talking to him. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 A couple of months has passed by and we still have small amounts of contact, but something has changed. ME! I spent over 4 yrs completely flipped over this older married man and when he told me the beginning of July his wife may be forced into retirement and wants to move up north i thought my world was over as I knew it. In that one statement as far as I was concerned his decision was made and it took time for all that to sink in to my deluded mind.... and oh how deluded it was. I had no idea how badly I fooled myself to think I was more than someone to keep him from being lonely and definately an ego trip. He was NEVER going to come through for me. Do I think he loved me? yes, in his own twisted way as much as he is capable of. I no longer feel that obsessed mad passion for him any longer. The thought of having sex with him....ehhh... he is ok. Its amazing when you lose that attracted feeling for someone they all of a sudden go back to looking like what they are....an over aged 55 yr old with gray hair. He still has that lovely accent and has a fancy career with a big salary, but I know what a cheap ass he is too. Its been awhile since I have seen any of those expensive gifts like he use to give me. I want better for myself and there will not be settling in my future. I read this the other week. If you are in a relationship you have to keep a secret you should not be in it. Words to live by. I know I will be from now on. I'm laughing because I can relate! Not that I dated an over aged guy BUT in that when you lose that "obsessed mad passion" and come down from that euphoria, you are more apt to see things clearly and end up sometimes wondering why you thought the sun rose and set over this person! The same happened with my ex...for a long time I thought my world was over too, I thought the ONLY option in the Universe was for us to someday get back together, no one else seemed to hold a candle to him *cue car crash sound effect*...then I woke up! The last I saw him, which incidentally was a year ago and the last I cared about him like that; I didn't think he was quite as handsome, quite as funny, quite as irresistible and his flaws seemed more apparent, he fell off his pedestal and I never looked back. Today, I wonder what I ever saw in him besides shallow things like he had a good job, he bought me things, he was good at particular bedroom activities and he was a good cook. NONE of which are irreplaceable qualities or qualities that can stand alone! Yes there is life after MM and any man really... Link to post Share on other sites
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