StoneCold Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I agree that its not quantifiable. I also agree that it can be what you want to see and interpret (the degrees vary). I know a woman that told me that her husband is the one that loves her more than she loves him. But she also told me how that same husband is the one that told her "if you don't show up tomorrow (their wedding day), I'll kill you" hmmm, really makes you think? Maybe he loves her too much?? To the point where he's crazy? I dunno, but that supports my theory that the loving more than the other stuff is in unhealthy Rs I guess people just see what they want to see sometimes and if it gives them a sense of power or "armor" to think that they have the upper hand in the R because they love less - then so be it. Its because of delusional people and selfish people, coupled with the fact that love isn't quantifiable that I just don't like that saying. ETA: bout time you got a pic - I approve I think we need to do away with conventional relationships as we understand them and just have one big orgy.....that'll solve this mess Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 I think we need to do away with conventional relationships as we understand them and just have one big orgy.....that'll solve this mess I thought you're already doing that How's that all workin out? Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I thought you're already doing that How's that all workin out? I have to dissolve the one I'm in first before I can totally emerse....but once that happens I'm changing the way things are done... you all will call me crazy now but it will be the wave of the future Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 I have to dissolve the one I'm in first before I can totally emerse....but once that happens I'm changing the way things are done... what does that mean? You don't really stick it in all the way with the women on the side? you all will call me crazy now but it will be the wave of the future Yeah you're somethin alright Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 what does that mean? You don't really stick it in all the way with the women on the side? Oh trust me...they get the whole wood lol ....I'm talking about the totally "free" life Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 Oh trust me...they get the whole wood lol ....I'm talking about the totally "free" life hehe, well at least they're getting something... oh honey, if you wanted the totally free life, you shouldn't have gotten married or had kids at all - nothing about that says "totally free" oh well, too late for shouldas I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) hehe, well at least they're getting something... oh honey, if you wanted the totally free life, you shouldn't have gotten married or had kids at all - nothing about that says "totally free" oh well, too late for shouldas I guess. ya think? If anyone experiencing deep trouble in their marriage knew this would happen at that magnitude when they were getting married.....we'd have very few married couples.... We all change....you live and learn. Thats ok... I got my daughter out of the deal and she is life changing for me (in a good way)...shes my little Pikachu Edited September 14, 2011 by StoneCold Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I don't think most people are interested in the totally "free" life, and less so once they fall in love. There is no risk-free way to experience love. Even parenting--damn, talk about wearing your heart outside your chest..... Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 There is no risk-free way to experience love...... no... but there are preferrable ways Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 You can be married and free. I still have my hobbies and my friends but I don't look at monogamy as restricting. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 You can be married and free. I still have my hobbies and my friends but I don't look at monogamy as restricting. ok....well thats you Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 no... but there are preferrable ways And preferences vary. It is good to know what you want You can be married and free. I still have my hobbies and my friends but I don't look at monogamy as restricting. I don't consider married to be free. But, for me, the benefits of this relationship FAR exceed the benefits of being single. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Everybody has restrictions whether single or married. A single person still has to work to pay the bills and pay their taxes and so on. Besides not sleeping with other people there is nothing I can't do married that I didn't do single. I realize this is not the case if you have a controlling spouse. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Everybody has restrictions whether single or married. A single person still has to work to pay the bills and pay their taxes and so on. Besides not sleeping with other people there is nothing I can't do married that I didn't do single. I realize this is not the case if you have a controlling spouse. Marriage with kids has a lot more restrictions than marriage without kids, ime. But that would be the same whether I were a single or married parent, I suppose. Still, I agree that everybody has restrictions. Singledom has its own limitations, and I would not choose it over a satisfying relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Singledom has its own limitations, and I would not choose it over a satisfying relationship. I dont think anybody would... but a relationship is only as satisfying as things are good....theres the catch 22. I dont have a an issue with relationships..... but I do strongly question making a "permanent" decision now for the rest of your life Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 I dont have a an issue with relationships..... but I do strongly question making a "permanent" decision now for the rest of your life I keep going back to parenting--but that is the FAR more "permanent" decision. Marry someone, and you can divorce. You can never speak to them, or of them, again. Have a child with someone, and, whether you marry them or not, you are bonded for generations. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Its because of delusional people and selfish people, coupled with the fact that love isn't quantifiable that I just don't like that saying. I don't like the saying either, and think it is an unwise way to approach relationships. But it is really a fact that love isn't quantifiable? You have not experienced loving more, and less? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TigerCub Posted September 15, 2011 Author Share Posted September 15, 2011 I don't like the saying either, and think it is an unwise way to approach relationships. But it is really a fact that love isn't quantifiable? You have not experienced loving more, and less? Is it? How do you then measure who loves who more? Who's to say that the nice things I do for my boyfriend and the way I show him love can be measured to show the I love him more than he loves me, or that he loves me more? how do you put a value or a measure on love? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Who's to say that the nice things I do for my boyfriend and the way I show him love can be measured to show the I love him more than he loves me, or that he loves me more? The people in the relationship are to say. I'm not talking about splitting hairs (We each love each other SO much, but who loves more?? ). I'm talking about couples where there is a significant gap. I see a lot of people (here, and in real life) convincing themselves that the partner who treats them as a lesser priority really does love them a whole lot, and just doesn't show it. I call bull on that. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 But it is really a fact that love isn't quantifiable? You have not experienced loving more, and less? C'mon xxoo .... quantifiable - being able to precisely measure and benchmark numerically.. black and white What you are talking about are opinions....which are fine but they vary even within the relationship. You cannot precisely measure opinions because they range in shades of grey Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 What about long term situation, when one day it's probably in one's favor, another day is in another's favor, in the end it roughly balances out, but nobody cares, if it balances out to the iota, because they are happy the way they are? Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 C'mon xxoo .... quantifiable - being able to precisely measure and benchmark numerically.. black and white What you are talking about are opinions....which are fine but they vary even within the relationship. You cannot precisely measure opinions because they range in shades of grey I'm having trouble with "quantifiable", and I'm not sure that is the word I would choose....but I KNOW that I have loved more and less, and experienced love growing. I know that more and less exist, even if I can not objectively quantify them. But does objective matter? What matters beyond the opinions of the two people in the relationship? If one feels they are giving more love than they are getting, that should matter to their partner. If it does not, they are probably right. Link to post Share on other sites
East7 Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Hi everyone, I've heard this said before - that its better to marry someone that loves you more than you love them. As first reaction I would say, Oh yes! But truly marriage is more then just loving, is more about compatibility, looking at the same direction. There are people that love each-other a lot but they are not compatible. And there are others who's love isn't in sky-high but they are very compatible, which makes them a good match for a marriage. Love+compatibility = good marriage. Love is the foundation. Compatibility is all the rest up to the roof. I see compatibility not as being exactly the same but more being in completion. For example someone very energetic and restless makes a good couple with someone more quiet and cautious. For some reason, when the foundation is good (Love) it is more easy to develop the compatibility (walls). In my previous LTR, first my xGF had very different tastes than I had, then with years we found a lot of things converging to same tastes and mindset which made our compatibility grow. When love fades or dies, all the compatibility becomes pointless and collapses with fights, avoidance or resentments. Ideally, I would hope that the 2 people getting married love each other a lot, but I've also heard that its never equal. One person will love the other more. I don't quite know why, but something about that saying bothers me. It just comes off as using someone, I can't really explain why it does, but to me, it kind of does. I would want to love the man I marry (if I ever marry) with all my heart, I want to love them fully, and I really wouldn't marry someone that I just "kinda loved" because they loved me more. What do you guys think? Ideally yes. But in reality, as someone said here, there is a Lover and a Beloved. In some way they complete each-other as the Lover enjoys loving and the Beloved enjoys feeling loved. It is a good vicious circle: I love you because you love me, and you love me because I love you. That's why, the roles may change with time : the Beloved becomes Lover and vice-versa. Kind of spinning wheel. Link to post Share on other sites
Richard Friedman Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Men are chaser and women are choosers. Most men feel lucky to be with their woman, like she did him soe kind of favor by choosing him from all her options. Women otoh don't often get their ideal(the handsome, rich, intelligent .....guy) for a ltr. The vast majority settle for a more stable, safe guy than the best theyve ever had. Link to post Share on other sites
StoneCold Posted September 16, 2011 Share Posted September 16, 2011 Most men feel lucky to be with their woman, like she did him soe kind of favor by choosing him from all her options. This is why many men arent in th driver's seat of the relationship and end up with the sh*t end of the stick... Men need to change this mentality because there is actually an advantage of being a "hunter". If you elevate your game you could almost be the chooser yourself. But the difference is you decide what your targets will be...If you keep shooting at the various targets...you'll hit...and the more you shoot..the better you become....the higher "hit" rate. Women only choose from what presents itself and if the pickings are slim they are SOL.... Link to post Share on other sites
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