Luvmy2babies Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I don't even know where to begin. My husband and I have been married coming up on 7 years here in a few months. We have 2 young children, who are my pride and joy. A little over a year ago my husband started acting strange, he would come home from work, park his work truck and take our only car and leave without coming in the house to see the kids or I, knowing I had dinner made, house cleaned, etc. Most time he would be hone till midnight or so. If I called he usually said he was at his cousins house hanging out.( which most of the time he would stop by there at some point in the evening to make an appearance). It didn't bother me that he would be at his cousins house cuz they are good people and have 5 kids, close age to mine. This behaviour of his continued on for months. And hot worse. He began to lie and distance himself from both the kids and I, buy mainly me. When he was home he spent every waking second on the Internet. ((avoiding the kids and i)) Doing who knows what. He would hide from me and not allow me to see what he was doing. If I asked it was like I just acussed him of murder. He began to dress up all the time outside of work clothes. He began to wear cologne, started working out again. He spent more time looking in the mirror then I have in my entire life. He started hiding his phone from me,he would get phone calls and text and leave the room/ house, and wod fell me who was on the phone or where he was going. During this time his father ( his best friend) passed away. In a matter of days hi cousin and I prepared him financially and physically to travel over seas to be with his family and burry his beloved father. Before he was out of the country he called us few times to see how we were, like a concerned loving husband and father would. I knew once he was out of the country he would be busy with his family and would have alot I'd time to talk but still figured he would contact us of his arrival and the events for the funeral. 2 days passed after his expected arrival to his home land. He finally calls, but not to see how we are or fill me in on his family or anything, but to demand that I contact his boss/ friend and barrow $3000. From him and send it ASAP. I was hesitant as I'm not as close to his boss as he is tho he was a family friend for years. (plus he left here with about $4000. Cash in his pocket, which is nearly double in his home land)I was upset due to the fact that $4000 was enough for the kids and I to go to the funeral, too. But he wanted the money instead of us to be there. Plus he hadn't called when he arrived. So a few hours past and he called again, wanting the western union info. I hadnt called his boss yet. He then threatened to sell MY car, our only car, and everything we own if I dont do this.( where we live your dead if you don't own a car, I.e. Very cold winters) so I sucked it up Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 If you're asking what's going on with him, well he's having an affair at the very least. I'm really not sure why you needed us to tell you that though. Was there another question? Link to post Share on other sites
TigerCub Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 What's your question? Do I think your husband is cheating on you - yes Do I think you should have sent him the money - NO, not without knowing what it was for. Do I think you should let your husband threaten you and control you - No, but that really just comes down to what you're willing to live with. I'm really not sure what your question is though. Really, for the money issue - maybe expenses and stuff came up with your father's passing - but as a couple, you 2 should have open lines of communication, and you should be able to ask him the simple questions of "what's goin on? what do you need the money for? Is everything ok?" Link to post Share on other sites
Afishwithabike Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I'm also not sure what your question is. Perhaps it got buried in the narrative. Are you asking us if we think he's having an affair? If so, my answer is "YES", if what you've stated is accurate. Your husband has all the classic signs of someone who is having an affair (the new cologne, working out more often, being secretive, hiding his phone, unexplained absences, lack of interest in things that interested him previously, lying, getting defensive, verbally attacking you as a means to deflect attention from his own behavior) Link to post Share on other sites
bijounk Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 This is NOT healthy for your children. For their sake, you either need to address this problem directly with your husband and a counselor or you need to them and yourself from this extremely toxic environment. Children know a LOT more about what's going on than people care to admit (as a child whose parents finally divorced when I was 4, I can attest to this). Please, if you don't care enough about yourself to fix this situation, think about how this will affect your children over time. If you have boys, you will be demonstrating to them that how your husband treats you is acceptable behaviour which they will eventually mimick in their adult lives, or you if you have girls, you'll be demonstrating to them that it is ok to compromise your own happiness and health for a man's. Your husband is either having an affair/affairs or has a SERIOUS gambling problem or both. In any event, this needs to end for the sake of your children. Good luck, I hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
sweetypielovely Posted September 15, 2011 Share Posted September 15, 2011 Please, if you don't care enough about yourself to fix this situation, think about how this will affect your children over time. If you have boys, you will be demonstrating to them that how your husband treats you is acceptable behaviour which they will eventually mimick in their adult lives, or you if you have girls, you'll be demonstrating to them that it is ok to compromise your own happiness and health for a man's. Your husband is either having an affair/affairs or has a SERIOUS gambling problem or both. In any event, this needs to end for the sake of your children. Good luck, I hope this helps. Great advice. Hes definitely cheating online and met someone or a few someones. As for the money maybe hes trying to bring someone here from over seas he met or something. It could be gambling but i doubt it. I dont know but either way hes distanced himself from you. Id be prepared for anything really and dont let him threaten you. Your married and have rights. Id get an attorney. Wish I could help more. Link to post Share on other sites
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