Karala Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I'm sure you know what I mean (that is, if you've reached that stage yet). Not that it doesn't hurt anymore or that you don't think about them anymore, but just that it doesn't feel like it happened yesterday anymore. When the relationship is starting to feel like a thing of the past instead of hot news, and they're not instinctively the first thing you think about when you wake up. I've just reached this milestone, it's taken me 6 months of being broken up, last 3 months of them NC. Quite a long time, but unfortunately I tend to dwell on the past and have a hard time letting go of attachment. That is, I used to be that way until recently, but maybe I'm redefining myself lately. Hopefully this experience will finally turn me into someone who know how to live in the now and let things go :] Link to post Share on other sites
Nohbody Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 "Fresh" as in heart not on fire and bleeding simultaneously? About a month of NC. Starting to re-engage with life... about 4 months. Very long time, I hope not so bad for others. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 (edited) I'm sure you know what I mean (that is, if you've reached that stage yet). Not that it doesn't hurt anymore or that you don't think about them anymore, but just that it doesn't feel like it happened yesterday anymore. When the relationship is starting to feel like a thing of the past instead of hot news, and they're not instinctively the first thing you think about when you wake up. I've just reached this milestone, it's taken me 6 months of being broken up, last 3 months of them NC. Quite a long time, but unfortunately I tend to dwell on the past and have a hard time letting go of attachment. That is, I used to be that way until recently, but maybe I'm redefining myself lately. Hopefully this experience will finally turn me into someone who know how to live in the now and let things go :] I could eat after 4-5 days. I still don't always sleep well though. I think of him all day every day. It will be 3 months in a few days and I am not there yet. I'm crying right now actually. I am a dweller and a hopeless romantic. I am trying my best to be strong and move on, but it really hurts. I hate loving someone that will never love me back. It's the worst. I am giving myself another 3 months. I hope that I am not still crying over him by then. I don't really know what I will do if I am, it's just a goal. I really want something better than this. So lousy right now. Edited September 9, 2011 by ScienceGal Link to post Share on other sites
Author Karala Posted September 9, 2011 Author Share Posted September 9, 2011 I am giving myself another 3 months. I hope that I am not still crying over him by then. I don't really know what I will do if I am, it's just a goal. I really want something better than this. So lousy right now. I think giving yourself a deadline is a good idea. I did it, worked for me. I gave myself the whole summer to indulge, wallow, pine, long, obsess etc and then I told myself I needed to start moving on with the new school year. And actually I didn't have to force myself to snap out of it, because I genuinely grew tired of living in the past. The past is dead, it's a boring place, nothing new ever happens there. I am a dweller and hopeless romantic as well but believe me, if you love yourself even just one bit, after some time you get tired of being in pain all the time. And if you don't love yourself enough... you know what you need to do :] Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I think giving yourself a deadline is a good idea. I did it, worked for me. I gave myself the whole summer to indulge, wallow, pine, long, obsess etc and then I told myself I needed to start moving on with the new school year. And actually I didn't have to force myself to snap out of it, because I genuinely grew tired of living in the past. The past is dead, it's a boring place, nothing new ever happens there. I am a dweller and hopeless romantic as well but believe me, if you love yourself even just one bit, after some time you get tired of being in pain all the time. And if you don't love yourself enough... you know what you need to do :] I am definitely tired of it already. I am such a loving person, moments like this just kill me. Why am I crying? Why am I staying in on a Friday night? Why do I just want to ball up and watch movies? Ugh. I am not conceited at all, but I do love myself and all that I have to offer. I only see my life getting better and better. But, I do worry about finding someone that cares as much as I do. Dates are no problem, but finding someone to make a deep and lasting connection with seems unlikely at times. I don't want to settle Just gonna keep on keepin' on! Link to post Share on other sites
Surfer Girl Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 After 4 months. It had been 6 months NC... 2 weeks ago triggered a rough spot when I surfed our home break and he wasn't there. And then last weekend at a charity event I turned around ( he had no idea he was behind me as I cut my long hair short) and was face to face and he was with someone else that it was like starting over fresh again....I don't think it will take as long now but it hurt badly for the next 4 days.... Link to post Share on other sites
Buttercup84 Posted September 9, 2011 Share Posted September 9, 2011 I am definitely tired of it already. I am such a loving person, moments like this just kill me. Why am I crying? Why am I staying in on a Friday night? Why do I just want to ball up and watch movies? Ugh. I am not conceited at all, but I do love myself and all that I have to offer. I only see my life getting better and better. But, I do worry about finding someone that cares as much as I do. Dates are no problem, but finding someone to make a deep and lasting connection with seems unlikely at times. I don't want to settle Just gonna keep on keepin' on! I feel you ! Its been three months for me too and I'm so romantic and a dweller . Finding that deep connection is hard Link to post Share on other sites
D-Lish Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 Took about 4 1/2 months for me (recently). I am still not over him, but I don't dwell as much now that I am approaching 5 months. Link to post Share on other sites
lymtal1 Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 It has been three months and I tell myself that I am making progress because I have heard it enough on here that you have to fake it to make it. Well I am not making it. I too am that hopeless romantic. I know that she is not going to come rushing back to me in that fairytale ending. But you know, that is all I keep thinking about. The thing that drives me crazy is the false hope. The thing that keeps me going is hearing how you guys are doing and knowing that at some point I will become indifferent to her. I don't think I will ever stop loving her. I created my complete fantasy and I think I will always want it back no matter who I am with. That makes me sad. Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 The first month was awful...ah i get a pit in my stomach just thinking of it. I never went NC (ex in same social crew), so that for sure effected my healing as i knew way to much about his love/sex life, not to mention seeing him, him not giving a hoot etc...all hindered things. But alas, I have been moving on...I would say about 5 months before I just woke up one day, and felt very differently. I still hurt, afterall, he hurt me worse than any human on the planet has, not to mention I "hang" with him and his new gf...so it has been a slow process, but I blame a lot of that on him being in my life, and not caring at all how this effected me. But once you get past the AWFUL part (u kno, not eating, crying, not sleeping, anxiety, etc), it doesnt feel nearly has bad- however the pain doesnt just get erased (ah If only!). The only hope I think most of us can lend is that is does get better. Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 It has been three months and I tell myself that I am making progress because I have heard it enough on here that you have to fake it to make it. Well I am not making it. I too am that hopeless romantic. I know that she is not going to come rushing back to me in that fairytale ending. But you know, that is all I keep thinking about. The thing that drives me crazy is the false hope. The thing that keeps me going is hearing how you guys are doing and knowing that at some point I will become indifferent to her. I don't think I will ever stop loving her. I created my complete fantasy and I think I will always want it back no matter who I am with. That makes me sad. It's been 3 months for me too. I caught myself daydreaming today about him showing up at my door, coming inside and telling me everything I wish he'd realize. He'd cry and say he feels like such a fool for treating me so poorly. He would tell me how he has completely changed his line of thinking and that he is no longer controlled by his ego. I'd listen, straight faced. I hate that I think about him at all, but that's where I am at. ugh. Link to post Share on other sites
lucylou71 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 It's only been 2 months since my soon to be ex husband left me and still have dreams of us together. This mornings' dream involved him looking at me with a sad look on his face,telling me he was wrong and would I take him back. As a result I've been on the verge of tears all day. Actually I had one breakdown at home. I can't wait for the day that when I think of him I won't feel anymore pain. Link to post Share on other sites
MisterB Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Three months and I was feeling good , overall happy again. This month makes it five months , but I took steps back. Because she contacted me for a week straight the first days of august. And that lead to us talking for a month and me think we were going to get back together. So I took a couple steps back because how she upruptly ended it again. But I know I'll feel ok again in a few weeks or so. Link to post Share on other sites
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