weird breakup situation

[stevefrench]

OK well I'm 23 years old and i never had a serious relationship before. I've head a few month long ones that just fizzled out but none of those really effected me. I met this girl, we liked each other, fell in love, you know the whole bit. the relationship started getting weird around 5 months in, after 8 months we broke up, but on good terms. I really wanted her back and i tried to talk to her for the first few days. Things started to make sense to me and i realized what i was doing wrong. When we would hangout it normally would be us at my house or hers, watching a movie, me asking for sex, and then us going to bed. We didn't go out and do much and i was weird about having out with her friends. It just got to her and made her very unhappy, but she never told me and i didn't understand what was going wrong. After 8 months we broke up. It was on good terms and we both still loved each other. I never treated her wrong or did anything bad, i just messed up a few things and it snowballed out of control. so she said if their was any chance of being together again we needed to breakup now before we started to become hateful towards each other, so i agreed.

 

After a few days everything started to make sense to me and I felt so stupid. We both loved and trusted each other but the friendship part of the relationship was on ice. During the first few days i tried to talk to her but she didn't want to and needed space. After a week of no contact i called her and asked if she wanted to hangout. I went to her house for a mutual friends birthday party and we got along really really well. I took her to the other room and told her i knew what i did wrong and i wanted to change things. I knew words only meant so much so i wanted to take the time to hangout and show her. Well we hung out a few times but i really wanted to get back with her. We would talk every so often but not really hangout for about two weeks. Then we started to hangout again. she would come over and cuddle, rub my back, fall asleep, but wouldn't kiss me or hold my hand. After a week of this i asked her where we stood and she said that she loves me but cant be in a relationship right now because so much is going on with her life right now and she cant handle the extra stress. I told her if that was the case then we cant cuddle or sleep together, its not fair to me. During this time I was reading relation rescue by dr. phil and I asked her if she would read it when I was done and she said yes. When we got home i gave her the book. She still hasn't read it.

 

One week later she asked if i wanted to hangout but i couldn't because i was studying for my coast guard ASVAB test. She said she was getting off work in about an hour so i said sure I should be done by then. She comes over and jumps in my bed and we start making out. A few things go down and after it all I ask whats going on. She said she still isn't ready to date so I ask if we were "talking" and she said yes. So I'm pretty excited at this point and i fall asleep next to her with a smile on my face. Two days later hurricane irene hit us and we both stayed at this girls house she has become close with. We are having a bunch of fun, kissing, cuddling, laughing, etc. Her friend falls asleep and we ended up having sex. At this point i was convinced that everything was going to work out fine. The next day we were texting because she was at work and i asked if she wanted to hangout and she said no. I wasn't bothered by this and just let it go. She went home ans was watching the mtv music video awards, which i thought was silly. I was about to go to bed and said goodnight to her via text. Then I figured i should be cute and call her, she didn't pick up. She texted me goodnight so i called her again, nothing. She texted saying "what?!" I responded "I just wanted to call and say goodnight". She said i was being rude and she was watching tv. I was pretty upset about this and it turned into a little argument. Well she turned off her phone that night and i sent her an apology text for her to read in the morning.

 

A few days later i call her and she said she was over it but didn't want to keep "talking" because the fight reminded her of the bad stuff in our relationship. I was boggled and tried to tell her it was just a small fight and didn't mean anything. I figured id take it slow again and try to work my way back up. She invites me to the same friends house we stayed at during the hurricane to hangout again. She wouldn't kiss me or anything and i told her i couldn't deal with this going back and forth and left. When i got home she called me and said she didn't want us to be on a bad note and that she is just depressed. I'm the only person she feels safe opening up to. i told her it was fine and if she needed to talk about anything i was there.

 

Her living situation sucks and she has been staying at her parents but her mom is very controlling and it stresses her out. I let her stay with me for about a week. She would get off work late at night and i would make her dinner and we would just hangout at my house because it was too late to do anything else. We made plans to go out and do stuff that week on one of the days we both had off work so we could get out of the house. One night she goes to her friends house after work, same friend, and she asks me if i could pick her up and take her to her car. I agree and come over. She goes into the other room and her friend tells me it she doesn't think its fair what she is doing to me. Hanging out with me, staying at my house, but wont try to get back together. She said she was being selfish. I told her i agreed and i wasn't going to be able to take too much of it. Kinda weird that a girl that has been good friends with my ex for a few months, and i have only been around a few times, tells me this.

 

Next morning i tell her i cant deal with it anymore and i cant be around her for a while. I keep pushing for her to kiss me and it hurts every time she says no. I said that i need some time to collect myself and come back as just a friend. If i keep doing this it will just push her away and make her more stressed out. She told me she didn't understand that if i valued our friendship so much how come i couldn't be around her if she didn't want to date. I had a few girl friends of mine coach me through this and they all told me that she was being selfish and not being fair to me. Even two of her best friends told me this. So i feel like I'm doing the right thing, maybe this will knock some sense into her. My plan was after about two weeks i ask her out to lunch and try to slowly rebuild. Well it was been two days since then and she hung out with a mutual friend our ours last night. Our friend told me this morning that she feels like i want nothing to do with her because she doesn't want to date me. that it the farthest thing from the truth. i even told her if she needed someone to talk to she could call me, i just couldn't be around her.

 

I don't know what i should do. She means a lot to me and i want to be there for her but being around her like that tears me apart. I want to get back together and if she would just let go of the past i know it will all work out. We have been practically dating minus the sex and title. She means the world to me and i know she loves me too. How do i break down her barrier? Should i stay the course and not talk to her for a week or to? or something else?