my soulmate broke my heart

[czarek]

Hi Everyone

 

I found out that my girlfriend was with another man when I was away

 

We were together for 2 years. The best 2 years of our lives. Nobody ever loved me the way she did. I never loved anyone like this before. With her i felt like i was in heaven. She is the LOVE OF My LIFE. I had to leave to my home country, but I couldn't go back to US. She cried for two weeks. I cried to.

She applied for fiance visa and I was so happy that she wants to be with be me, that she will not move on and that she truly loves me. I felt like we deserve second chance. We were on the skype all the time. After a month she came over to visit me, we were so happy and so full of hopes.

She started new job.

After few months my visa was approved.

We didn't talk that much as before.

Sometimes for a few days not even one word. She explained that she feels empty and busy at work. "OK D, i understand. I love u and miss u." i said.

I went for interview to embassy I got fiance visa to marry her in USA. She didn't feel so exited about that. I bought one way ticket.

I packed my bags and arrived week ago on September 2nd. She wasn't home when i arrived. I was waiting on steps for 20 min. Finally she arrived. She just went to get some dog food for her dog. We went for dinner but felt kinda disconnected. I just wanted to go home and hold her whole night. She turned her back and didn't let me hold her, not even her hand. next morning she slept till 12. She woke up and said she is going with her girlfriend for a day. I was upset. I waited so long and she just wanna hand with her friend. I asked WTF? Then she said she don't wanna deal with this shi* !!!! She doesn't feel what she did months ago. She never cried once after I left she said. We had a little fight she said she wants me out.

I had to call my brother so he could pick me up, I asked to use her phone. She gave it to me. I checked her text msg. Her girlfriend said " don't tell him about Jon "

Whose JON? She said she met a guy who is her coworker couple of times, had sex. She said she can't forgive herself for what she did and she knows that we could never be like we were before. I said that I'm gonna go. I said "I forgive You cuz I love U" She cried that I'm the sweetest guy she ever met and blaa blaa blaa.

I went to stay at my friend place for a night. Me and my friend we went same night for drinks. I got drunk.

WE were texting each other all the time that we miss each other. I couldn't hold much longer

I went to her place and we had sex.

Next day I called her. I was afraid that if she was with another guy she might have some STD. She said that shes OK. Well I started to ask her for details, like if she used protection with the guy? She said "Czar u will never talk to me again after what I will tell U" She told me that she had an abortion like 5 months ago. I was devastated.

I saw her once more 2 days ago. We went for dinner but she didn't really wanted to talk. I said I could forgive her cuz my whole world collapsed. I can't live without her.

She kept me unaware for half year. I was asking her if she was faithful and she always was saying that she did. I wouldn't come if I knew, but instead I was living with hope for 6 months that I'm gonna start new life with her.

My life SUCKS!!!! I hate myself for being naive. I trusted her and I was faithful to her. She betrayed me and fuc*ed up my whole life.

I was always saying to her: "D if we survive this, we survive everything". It was us against whole world. Now it's just me who is life looser.

 

I don't know what to do.

I know shi* happens and people make mistakes. I want her back.

I want to fight for her but it looks like I'm alone it this fight.

She mentioned that maybe we should try counseling

 

I will just add that she was adopted. Shes originally from S.Korea. Her parents didn't gave her much love. And biological mother abandoned her.

 

Now I have only almost 3 months to fix things and after that time I have to go back to my home country...

 

Things will newer be the same. How can I recover from such thing?

 

HELP what should I do?

Edited September 9, 2011 by czarek

[Janesays]

I'm sorry, dude. I know this hurts. A lot of people are going to post and tell you what you should and shouldn't do and judge you, her, and the entire situation through their own eyes. But the bottom line is: you have to follow your heart and do what you want to do. I'm not saying everything is going to turn out OK, but sometimes people need to take their lumps in order to learn and grow as individuals.

 

My only advice is, no matter what you decide to do, try to do it with grace and dignity. Try to behave in such a way that you can look back on this moment later in life and be proud of how you acted.

 

Good luck; I'm totally rooting for you!

[dasein]

Not much you can do now other than pound some thoughts into your head at this point.

 

1. You do not want to be with a cheater. You are still in shock and denial. This person is not worthy of you. The pain you are feeling has put you into panic mode. You will find a better person.

 

2. Do not reward bad behavior by forgiving a cheater who hasn't gone through hell and high water to get you back, and then, do not forgive a cheater still. When she says "you are the sweetest guy on earth" for forgiving her, she is really losing all respect for you as a man. In fact, she had already lost respect in the act of cheating. Do you want to be with someone who does not respect you? People absolutely do not cheat on those they love and respect.

 

3. Concepts like "soul mate" are meaningless empty phrases, and for a man, literal poison. The fastest way to lose a woman is to start going on about "soul mate this and soul mate that."

 

Very sorry you are going through this. Go NO CONTACT for many months with this person while you heal, and after several months, continue the NO CONTACT for the rest of your life.

[czarek]

You gave me an answer I was waiting for a long time, before even all this has happened. I guess I didn't see the signs before, and now as much as it is painful, it's a relief for me.

Thanks Dasein

[czarek]

Thanks

Kind Regards

[dasein]

It will be hard, maybe even for a few months. Improve yourself physically and mentally, start right now. Do not be idle or sit around and feel bad. Think of the freedom you have just received and start using it now to better your life.

 

You will come out of this a better man, and will end up with a better woman because of it!