dicky_fish Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I've been really thinking over this one and it boils down to what I know is going to happen because I've seen it happen before, and I'm fighting for it not to because it really will crush me. There's a point that's going to come where I am going to be in so much pain from all this I'm going to resent her for even being in my life to begin with because I'll hate that she caused me to feel this way. I will actively wish those good times and feelings to have never happened. Then she will truly be gone, forever. She'd never make the effort to be my friend, why would she? We'd not have an excuse to see each other, and that would be it. Forever consigned to a distant memory with me leading some kind of secondary life I didn't ask for, always lurking in the back of my mind "why wasn't I good enough?" "what did I do to deserve that treatment?" and the big "what if?" There's only person who's ever survived this process in my life has been my first ever girlfriend, and that's because she did make the effort, and that was from being stupid kids. Sorry, but I can't, or at least don't want to, accept that for someone who has done and given me so much, and means the whole world to me. It's totally f*cked up and a stupid way of thinking, but acting all emo about it is all I've got on this one because right now I don't want a life without her. Link to post Share on other sites
Dark Phoenix Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I understand where you are coming from and vividly remember those feelings. Try reversing the roles and start asking yourself "why wasn't she good enough?". Obviously she's not your dream girl... unless you've fantasized about your dream girl ever dumping you. Now ask yourself all of the reasons why she didn't fit into this dream girl fantasy of yours, including the fact that she dumped you. One day you're going to look back at all of this, then look at the girl you are with at that time and wonder why you wasted so much time with your ex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Really missing her right now. I'm home alone at a time where she'd usually be here. Got officially made redundant at the weekend and could really do with her company. She always knew exactly how to cheer me up in tough times. Just want a cuddle more than anything Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 That's really sad dude. Have you friends and / or family to speak to? That's how I'm getting by! It's so difficult even with that though... Life really sucks sometimes!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Family's on holiday, hence why I'm home alone. We'd always use this as an oppertunity for some proper "us" time and I loved it so much. Friends just don't want to listen anymore, none answer their phones or reply to facebook. Truly finding what alone actually feels like again. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Must be so much harder when it hits a special time like that. I haven't had to experience any dates that meant anything to me and my ex yet but I'm sure it's gonna kill! How long has it been since the breakup? Did she give you any kind of reason? Link to post Share on other sites
PositiveNegative Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I don't know your story but I know how you're feeling. Right now I can only imagine my ex having so much fun with her friends and laughing and smiling. Barely missing me. I need to FORCE myself to hang out with my friends. At any given point I will stop eating because ONE THOUGHT of her can kill my appetite. If we were still together I would be so incredibly happy and so ready to tackle this school year. At any given hint of sadness she would've walked all the way over to my house, she is now the cause of all of my sadness. She was my rock, I loved her so much and could never believe the luck I had to have her as my girlfriend. The school year just started and I'm already suffering grade-wise... and yes... I wish that I had never met her right now. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 ps, You said your friends were fed up listening... wat about goin to ur GP and asking to be referred to a counsellor. That's wat I did and it really helped. Other than that phone the Samaritans. They're totally helpful and nice to speak to Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 I've been in counselling for 2 months and it's doing nothing, in fact it seems to be doing more harm than good. As for thinking about her having a good time - thanks, really needed that thought. And it's not like I have the luxury of school or anything like that, been out of the education system for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDovic Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Nightmare, maybe you're depressed! I've been on anti-depressants for the past three weeks and my mood is really starting to improve. Up til then I was sobbing everyday, making plans to top myself and couldn't eat or sleep. Still sad and miss my ex so much but can manage the feelings now without feeling like I'm gonna go insane Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Been really low tonight cause it's the time of year where my parents go on holiday for 2 weeks for their wedding anniversary. Every year my girlfriend would come and stay with me and this is the first time in 4 years she hasn't and I miss her like hell. I'm on my own cause my sister is staying with her best friend, the weather here is starting to turn crap and all I want is to cuddle up with her either on the couch or in bed. I went shopping earlier on, I missed her doing that with me. Got home and cooked myself a meal and wished she was hanging around the kitchen having a giggle like we used to. And sometimes I just cannot get the thought of us having a night of amazing sex out of my head and it drives me nuts! Been broken up nearly 4 months with the reasoning being "I've changed" - This being a week after she asked me to move in with her. GIGS basically. These hurdles keep coming, was her birthday last month, I've just got back from a trip to the city she's from where we used to spend loads of time, but the worst is still to come - our anniversary (or what would have been) is in the first week of October. I dunno - towards the end she revealed she'd cheated and had treated me like crap, but all I want is just to have that amazing, goofy, bouncy and sexy girl to be stood in my kitchen while I'm cooking and snuggled up in my bed ready to give me a cuddle. God I want a cuggle! :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Portisphish Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Man up! Stop being a pu33y. Want me to come kick your ass? Make your own happiness. You know you are stronger than this. My friends don't want to hear it anymore either. I finally just realized that life is too short to waste it on negative thoughts. You can choose how you feel, when you let it go. Good luck, bro! Link to post Share on other sites
MelissaJae Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 College Made Simple offers free strategies to help pay for college... Your Family's Single Source For College Admissions & Financial Aid Planning and Free college funding. Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Contrary to what the above poster typed, this is the place you can come and pour your heart. We have all been there and knows what it feels like. I came here and cried, and ranted for months. I thought my world was coming to an end. 8 months later, I'm fine now. Anyone telling you to man up forgets what it was like when he felt what you are feeling. I hope that you do not take that to heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Portisphish Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I'm sorry, but that's what I needed to hear myself. Why can't it be good for someone else to hear? I don't want to be pathetic. I have been. Control your behavior even if you can't control your emotions. Right? Link to post Share on other sites
intigo Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 What really helped me was getting closure and stop fighting the pain. My girl doesnt want to be with me, everyday was a living hell i couldnt stop thinking whys and ifs and the biggest question will she ever come back...when she told me that there is no chance for us in the future it was like something snapped inside me, i wasnt sad anymore i didnt feel anything. I was in love with a girl that was living her life and didnt care about me, she was so cold , a total stranger. Its so difficult to understand this but it will get better, i was a wreck emotionaly devastated (i still am) but i feel stronger. time wont heal anything yourself will only help you. i was thinking that i will never get better and in 5 days time i feel a new person not tottaly healed but on the right track Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 Thanks Shayla, you've got the right attitude about this one. I've had to put on a brave face and try to keep myself in check for ages and this little fantasy world on here is the kind of place I need to vent from people who do understand what I'm going through. My best friend has officially given up on me because she's fed up of me turning to her when I do into my downs. This friend I've known for 10 years and have stuck with through every drama-filled break up she's ever had. So people on here giving me a tough time and "man-up" speeches is not exactly what I'm looking for. Although oddly enough today has been a fairly good day, apart from the argument with the friend and my last shift ever at work. Think so many things are going on in my head that I'm shutting down and running on auto. Link to post Share on other sites
appletini Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I won't give you a man up speech. I know how you feel completely, even though my breakup is still pretty fresh (few days). The hardest part for me, too, is being completely alone in times that he used to be around. I moved to this city and met him almost immediately, so he and his friends and family really became my social life. So I don't have too many people in the area to turn to (although there have been lots of phone calls). I'll go about my day - commuting, work, seeing the friends I do have - and I feel ok, sometimes even good. But I'll be home eating dinner alone or looking at where he used to sit on the couch watching movies with me... and I'll totally crack. Last night I made too much pasta out of habit and when I realized what I had done I just started bawling in the kitchen. Not cute. Anyway, "sucking it up" isn't always the best option, because it sets you up to fail. I suck it up during the day and then freak out at night anyway. The best thing for me has been to write in a journal for hours (again, breakup just happened) and rehash everything in my brain, cry, and feel agonized... allow myself to cry in the bathroom stalls... because to be honest, I'm already slowly starting to get bored of it. You can only re-think something through so many angles and re-envison so many moments before it is just too redundant to continue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted September 17, 2011 Author Share Posted September 17, 2011 Not having the best of days. Came hurtling into a down on Thursday when I met up with one of our mutual friends who's just moved to my city. Feels really odd spending time with this friend who is very similar to my ex, and is living in a very similar place to where she used to live when she was here. It's a bit weird in some ways it's like re-living those old memories but really not the same at all. It's all pushing me again, and I've got the added pressure of being a support pillar for one of my oldest friends who has depression and become addicted to self-harming, and the rest of my old work mates are calling on me for help in sorting out all our shared problems. Such a long way from this time last year when my ex was looking for a flat close to where I live and I was browsing jewellery shops for engagement rings. These last few days have felt so close to normal it brings me crashing when I realise it's not. I miss her so much right now, and once again all I want is a damn cuddle from her just to feel a little secure again! Love. Such a painful emotion! I just want to crawl into a dark hole to get away from everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Lis007 Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 What I have found that really helps is getting out and doing things. I noticed because I was sad and feeling alone I felt I was alone but in reality I had lots of friends I just needed to make the effort to organise a catch up. I think you will always feel the pain but you have to make yourself do other things. I know what you mean about friends and family getting tired of listening to your woes... In fact I had my sister say we are so sick of hearing about your problems which was heart breaking for me. So save talking about how sad you are for a select few that really care about you nobody wants to be around someone who is always down in the dumps so sometimes you have to put on a cheerful face. Take care of yourself and don't forget the small blessings... its so easy to become overwhelmed but sometimes it helps to step back and be appreciative for the things you do have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted September 19, 2011 Author Share Posted September 19, 2011 Well I've just finished doing what most of the people on here end up doing and that's watching 500 Days of Summer. Very depressing because it hit seriously close to home but at least it's given me something to think about. Also found out why my friend exploeded at me the way she did a few days ago. She dumped her boyfriend yesterday. My guess being she's been thinking about it for a while (the dumper's disengaging period) and hearing me behaving the way I have knowing she'll have to face the same thing from her now ex was probably a sticking point for her. I messaged her today just to let her know I understand and that I was sorry. The really odd thing is I've known the guy she was with for the entire time they were together and always thought he was a massive douchebag, but now I know what he'll be going through I can feel nothing but sympathy for him. And all the while my ex is still lurking in my mind regardless of all activities I do to distract. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted September 27, 2011 Author Share Posted September 27, 2011 Things just aren't getting any better! It's the build up to what would have been our 4th anniversary (Oct 6th) and all the memories of better times keep coming in floods. This time of year was always really special for us anyway, this time 2 years ago we were on a holiday together just the two of us having an amazing time followed by a romantic weekend in expensive hotels for our anniversary, then this time last year I had just been promoted to my dream job and we were about to get a flat together. Whilst she was speaking with letting agents I was secretly browsing round jewellery shops for engagement rings. Fast forward to this year and I'm dumped and lost my job due to the company going bust. Today I had that sickening moment where I had to sign for job-seekers benefit (something I promised myself I would never do again). It hurts so much thinking that this time last year I had everything I'd ever wanted and worked for, I knew who I was, and for the first time in my life I was actually god-damn happy! Tears just keep feeling, dead memories keep resurfacing, and once again all I want is to hear her giggle and give me a cuddle to cheer me up! Link to post Share on other sites
mike588 Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 I know exactly how you feel. I guess we all look back on the good times,,, a year ago this week we did this,, 3 months ago we did that. I do the same thing. I kept a detailed diary during my relationship and kept looking at it and thinking the same thing. I finally had to quit looking at it cause it brought back to many happy times and depressed me to read it. You will get thru this. We all do. Hang in there,, believe me, you are not alone! Link to post Share on other sites
Diogenes Posted September 27, 2011 Share Posted September 27, 2011 I've got 24 years of that to dredge up, some here have more, and yet we will survive. The best thing you can do is allow yourself to grieve the death of your relationship and start working on "You" as soon as you can. It's going to take a while, stuff will pop up and smack you along side the head right out of the blue, a woman across the street with the same hair color as your Ex, and old love letter from them in the back of your dresser drawer, a friend who you haven't seen in awhile and didn't know about the split inviting you and the wife to dinner, etc. It does get better, you just have to get out and about doing what you love, don't bother looking for love again and it will appear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dicky_fish Posted October 17, 2011 Author Share Posted October 17, 2011 Argh! It's starting to happen! And I really don't want it to! I wish I could put into words how I'm feeling right now but I can't, just aside from the fact that I miss her like hell. And that is missing HER, not just missing the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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