Sugarkane Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I know I should do "the right thing", but he didn't care when he dumped and insulted me by text after a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted September 10, 2011 Author Share Posted September 10, 2011 I want to tell I've met someone else. Someone that doesn't treat people like **** and dump them by text. Someone that doesn't get off on hurting people. Someone that doesn't cheat and lie. Link to post Share on other sites
LuluinAZ Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I don't mind dumping or being dumped by text, there is no yelling or tears involved and leaves you with some dignity, but hey, that's just me. I don't get that some people find this disrespectful. Why put anyone through this agony in person? I would not tell him/her, just hold your head up high if you see them, smile, turn around and walk away. It will make them wonder if you're up to something better than them. Link to post Share on other sites
LelouchIsZero Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I don't mind dumping or being dumped by text, there is no yelling or tears involved and leaves you with some dignity, but hey, that's just me. I don't get that some people find this disrespectful. Why put anyone through this agony in person? I would not tell him/her, just hold your head up high if you see them, smile, turn around and walk away. It will make them wonder if you're up to something better than them. What do you mean there's no yelling or tears involved? just because you don't actually get to see their tears or hear them yelling, doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. I definitely don't think you get left with dignity either, as it suggests that the person you're with doesn't care enough to say it to your face & that they don't want to deal with you in person, as it'd be troublesome. Either way you're still going to be putting them through the said "agony", so you mine as well be respectful enough to do it in person. Link to post Share on other sites
LuluinAZ Posted September 10, 2011 Share Posted September 10, 2011 I just don't see it this way, and it's not because I am disrespectful, so I see your view as valid for you. I am older, have done it both ways .. if someone wrote me a text to break up with me I would not find it disrespectful. I would know he was doing it the best way he knew how under the circumstances. It's not personal. It's how people can cope. We're all different. Link to post Share on other sites
LelouchIsZero Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 (edited) I just don't see it this way, and it's not because I am disrespectful, so I see your view as valid for you. I am older, have done it both ways .. if someone wrote me a text to break up with me I would not find it disrespectful. I would know he was doing it the best way he knew how under the circumstances. It's not personal. It's how people can cope. We're all different. Each to their own - Just so you know, I wasn't attempting to have a go at you. Edited September 11, 2011 by LelouchIsZero Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I don't mind dumping or being dumped by text, there is no yelling or tears involved and leaves you with some dignity, but hey, that's just me. I don't get that some people find this disrespectful. Why put anyone through this agony in person? I would not tell him/her, just hold your head up high if you see them, smile, turn around and walk away. It will make them wonder if you're up to something better than them. I disagree. Being left with dignity would mean the ex would at least have the guts to face you and tell you it's over. Having someone do it via text means they don't even see you as a human being. Doing it over text is something only gutless humans do. It gives spineless a bad name. Of course, I also think texting and messaging have left most of society a bunch social retards who have no idea how to act in front of a real person. We'd rather look at words rather than hear them. But back to Sugarkane, if you do see him in public. Simply nod hello, or say Hi and continue to walk in the other direction. Don't stop, don't brag, don't talk anymore than Hello. Leaving him wondering what you're up to and why you're in a cheery mood will drive him bonkers more than a lie about how awesome your doing. That line is a see through as grandma's undies. Everyone claims that to an ex, and every ex knows it's a line. Link to post Share on other sites
fiat500 Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I don't mind dumping or being dumped by text, there is no yelling or tears involved and leaves you with some dignity, but hey, that's just me. I don't get that some people find this disrespectful. Why put anyone through this agony in person? I would not tell him/her, just hold your head up high if you see them, smile, turn around and walk away. It will make them wonder if you're up to something better than them. But there ARE tears and pain. You just don't have to see them if you dump someone through text. SURE. I understand the concept works on paper but dumping someone via a few sentences is VERY DAMAGING to the other person's sense of worth and a major blow to the feelings. Humans are designed to respond to emotional stimuli such as tears and facial expressions. By taking that away from a dumpee just because you think you are saving face is completely false. You are not saving the dignity of a dumpee since the dumper's opinion of them doesn't change regardless of face to face or through the internet. You're stripping dignity away and sending a clear message that all they've been to you is just a time killer and not even good enough to be considered on the level of friendship tier. "got what i needed from you and you're not fun anymore. back to the herd with you, swine. i got friends to hang out with. and talk to. and argue with. and share hurt feelings with. face to face. have a great life." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LuluinAZ Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 We come here to learn and thank you all for teaching me this... It is making me understand.. Link to post Share on other sites
esteem-jam Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 What fiat500 said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 I doubt I would nod and say hello, what's the point? Why should I give the prick the time of day? No doubt he'll be with his next "flavour of the month"/ victim before he screws her over and dumps her by text too. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sugarkane Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 However I would like to insult him in public, just like he did to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Besmy Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 I also got dumped by my ex via txt and out of the blue on top of that, so that I do not really know why. I think it is not acceptable, people can decide to end a relationship but they should have the decency to communicate that at least over the phone and if possible provide an explanation. Now, coming to that sloth of my ex, I believe he did it via txt because he didn't have the guts to talk to me and he didn't want to hear any sad / angry answer from my side. He's a coward. As for meeting your ex, avoid it if you can. If you cannot just ignore him. Insulting in public....not a good idea, eh! It will make YOU look BAD, not him. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 "got what i needed from you and you're not fun anymore. back to the herd with you, swine. i got friends to hang out with. and talk to. and argue with. and share hurt feelings with. face to face. have a great life." this is exactly what someone is saying when they dump you via text. or even e-mail. the ex sent me an incredibly harsh, nasty e-mail telling me to move on. then he went right back to hanging out with his friends (mostly female) on a face to face basis. in fact, he and i hadn't even spent time together in the same space in months! which is what led to the fight that led to that email in the first place. because i dared to point out that he was spending more face to face time (and we're talking several times a week) with a group of individuals who live five mins from me while i was lucky if i laid eyes on him once a month! so to be dumped like that over email just made me feel even more like a discarded piece of trash. and then the f**ker had the nerve to send me a follow up text the next day saying "no hard feelings. still friends ?" grrr Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 this is exactly what someone is saying when they dump you via text. or even e-mail. the ex sent me an incredibly harsh, nasty e-mail telling me to move on. then he went right back to hanging out with his friends (mostly female) on a face to face basis. in fact, he and i hadn't even spent time together in the same space in months! which is what led to the fight that led to that email in the first place. because i dared to point out that he was spending more face to face time (and we're talking several times a week) with a group of individuals who live five mins from me while i was lucky if i laid eyes on him once a month! so to be dumped like that over email just made me feel even more like a discarded piece of trash. and then the f**ker had the nerve to send me a follow up text the next day saying "no hard feelings. still friends ?" grrr WOW! I cant believe he texted you and said that. As someone who has been dumped by phone more than once, I get SO heated with txt/email/phone breaksups...it is pathetic (unless ur literally incapable of being face to face, aka extreme distance)..have some decency, geesh! My ex who dumped me via phone giving me no reason, when I asked if we could talk about things he said something along the lines of "..everything is fine, we're friends"...And after reading above, it got me annoyed...I mean my ex had all this time to hang out, nap, go to the bar, etc....but he didnt have the decency to take the time to breakup with me to my face. Piece of sh*t!! Link to post Share on other sites
fiat500 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 don't you love it when they word it in such a way where they're ending everything on their terms? because they have to be in control. it's unbelievably bratty and unreasonable. lol. everything is fine. the hell it is you spoiled brat. one could only guess that what goes around, comes around one day. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 WOW! I cant believe he texted you and said that. As someone who has been dumped by phone more than once, I get SO heated with txt/email/phone breaksups...it is pathetic (unless ur literally incapable of being face to face, aka extreme distance)..have some decency, geesh! My ex who dumped me via phone giving me no reason, when I asked if we could talk about things he said something along the lines of "..everything is fine, we're friends"...And after reading above, it got me annoyed...I mean my ex had all this time to hang out, nap, go to the bar, etc....but he didnt have the decency to take the time to breakup with me to my face. Piece of sh*t!! yup. he did. he was all about sending mixed signals. i wish i could say i didn't reply to that lame text but i did but eventually i came to my senses and cut him out of my life altogether. but yeah - - he was the same as your ex - -he could always find the time to hang out with other friends, go to drum and bass shows, work on his car and take pictures. but if i asked him to hang out he was too busy; and if i pointed out the above i was being too demanding and pushy and made him feel like he couldn't be himself it's like fiat said, everything had to be on his terms and if it's not then. it's really is very passive aggressive childish behavior. if i hadnt been at the receiving end of it i probably would have felt sorry for him. but then again - - maybe not - -for crying out loud he's 36 years old! it's time to grow up... Link to post Share on other sites
shortee143 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 don't you love it when they word it in such a way where they're ending everything on their terms? because they have to be in control. it's unbelievably bratty and unreasonable. lol. everything is fine. the hell it is you spoiled brat. one could only guess that what goes around, comes around one day. Exactly- they seem to only see it on their terms and forgot, oh hey, there is another person on the other side of this relationship. It is like once they no longer want to be with you, poof, there goes any respect towards us. I sure hope what goes around comes around! Call me mildly immature, and despite that deep down I really dont want my ex anymore, I sure hope he get's burned! Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I sure hope what goes around comes around! Call me mildly immature, and despite that deep down I really dont want my ex anymore, I sure hope he get's burned! there are times when i still feel like this as well. but my ex is so self-absorbed that i doubt he would see the parallels between what was done to him to how he treated me. knowing him he'd insist it wasn't the same thing; he's not thinking along those lines, blah blah blah. Link to post Share on other sites
esteem-jam Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) If I run into my ex who dumped me by text? I have been thinking about this a lot, cause this is a small town. I actually saw her 2 times in the store, I was checking out at cash desk and she was coming in. Whooh, lucky, I think she almost didnt notice me, and there was no space or need for communication. As the chaces of running-into one another is high in this particular store, which I regard as neutral territory, and some other, of course I need a scenario how to act. If we run into one another, I will try to avoid it, change the isle, walk left/right direction on the street... but if it happened, I guess I will say nothing in that moment. Cause if I say "Hi" and I get no response or a weird mimic, this will spiral me down in my healing. Cause I will be thinking "I dont even deserve a hello response". So it will be her that has to say it. If she says it, I will respong oh, hi / hello / oh, you. If she says nothing, I say nothing, but this also sets the mood/terms for further run-ins, which implies neither says hi. Im pretty OK with that. In comparison- I have run into my school teachers in stores and I never said Hello to some of them, Would be weird out of the blue to greet them. Better scenario than saying hi, not getting a response, and saying nothing in all further run-ins. And I am avoiding her part of the town, cause if we run into there, she could come up with "what are you doing here", and that would be pretty wrecking. I could expand to some her areas, but only if Im walking with a friend or something, not alone. Also in case on run-in, I want to keep everything short, because I know why it didnt work out, and nothing major has changed (my looks can and did, but not inside). So nothing can work out from trying to reconcile, and everything will end like it ended before. This quote holds much truth: Men are more visual creatures in general, so if they see the ex and she's lost weight and looks sexier and more confident, he will think twice. Women are both visual and emotional, so even if you show up like Brad Pitt and are still the needy, weak, non committal boy they left, the most you can hope for is "ex sex". Edited September 13, 2011 by esteem-jam quote Link to post Share on other sites
shayla Posted October 24, 2011 Share Posted October 24, 2011 (edited) I was dumped by an email full of lies (the other woman reads all his mail) and he had to support the lies he had told her. In the past, every time I tried to leave him, he'd plead, cry and beg me to meet him in public, like a fool I would, and like a fool I always took him back. He begged me to tell him if I ever met someone else because he couldn't stand the pain of finding out that I had met someone behind his back and cheated on him....but then he ended up doing the same exact thing to me. I have seen him once and I have ignored him. I just don't feel that he is worthy to breathe the same air I do, let alone elicit any kind of response from me...good, bad, or indifferent. When he first married the other woman, they would try to show up at places where they knew I'd be, in order to try to grind my face in what they had done. When that didn't work, they tried getting on FB doing the facebook happy thing. That did not work either. The next big appearance I'm expecting from them is basketball season. It's the college team where I work and attend. I have a season ticket that puts me a stones throw from the court, and I fully expect them to try to harrass me there. But they better be ready to gietas well as they give. Edited October 24, 2011 by shayla Link to post Share on other sites
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