Closure

[Thierro]

Last week was difficult because it was my ex her birthday. My colleagues at work and me started talking about relationships. Before I knew it they were reading the e-mails I send to my ex months ago as a reply to the 12 months NC that she broke. They put a seed of doubt in my mind, with saying: “She wants you back, I don’t believe she contacted three people around you just to know how you were doing.” People on LS stated clearly that her backtracking had nothing to do with reconciliation. Just the usual stuff; breadcrumbs etc. I agreed with this completely. However, I also knew that the thoughts of her still lingers in my body even after all the NC. I figured I needed a different approach to fully healing. I knew the doubts would not stop nagging at me with NC.

 

I send her an email explaining that I still loved her. The funny thing is that it didn’t feel if I was telling her the truth. The old person she was with me is long gone. But my heart needs to keep up with this reality too.

 

I feel better now. I found some closure by pushing her away. A lot of doubts disappeared into nothingness. I do believe I will never here from her again.

 

We all need to find our own personal way of dealing with things. Try figuring out what’s the best for you. The advice you get here on LS is great, but the best way for you to learn is going through it yourself. Make "mistakes", learn from them and react. Make your own choices. In this case there is no right or wrong.

 

Our first love changes us for life. A few doors will always stay shut when our first love dissapears.

Edited September 10, 2011 by Thierro

[Thierro]

I wanted to do another update without opening a new thread.

 

A week ago something unexpected happen. I forgot all about my ex. It was as if she never existed. It was the first time in 16 months that I didn't think about her for several hours. It was a very weird experience. It’s actually becoming more common as we speak. In a way I am glad but a bit sad at the same time. I realize that I am forgetting her and that my feelings for her are gone. I believe it has something to do with me contacting her and reading her reply to it.

 

Yesterday I had a dinner with a few of my coworkers. I was waiting at the train station because I needed to know the time and I was early. It was very warm and I needed some water. So I picked out a bottle of water out of my bag, but as soon as it reached my mouth I dropped it. There was a girl sitting next to me on a bench. She made a funny remark about it and after that we had a little conversation. I already saw her train coming so I decided to give her my E-mail. Before all of this, I picked up a few daisies along the way so I could give them to my female coworkers (just for fun). Without realizing what I did I gave her one on the flowers.

 

She mailed me last night asking how my diner was. You know, I stopped caring what other people think of me. I don’t care anymore. I like who I am. If someone doesn’t want to be with me; so be it. I wouldn’t have felt this way without the experience of the break-up.

 

A break-up has a lot of opportunities.

[mickleb]

Hey Thierro.

 

It sounds as though you practised NC for as long as you needed to: until you had healed.

 

I can relate to your story of contact being what created closure: I had difficulty getting over my first love and had created a fantasy which remained for 5 years, until a mutual friend arranged an unexpected meet-up. The reality really didn't match up, and what a relief that was!

 

The space you took was essential, though. NC doesn't have to be forever but it does need to be long enough. The length it needs to be is difficult to judge. But it's important that people get past the stage where they're hoping that NC will get their ex back, that people invest fully in improving their lives, for their own sake and that they - eventually - understand that their own happiness is a conscious choice. After this has all become clear, an unplanned exchange with the ex isn't going to shatter anyone's foundations. You realised all of this a long time ago, and so your healing was inevitable. You've done extremely well.

 

I wish you all the best with the latest chance encounter and know you will find all you seek.

 

Take care.

 

x

[Thierro]

Thank you for your kind words, mickleb. I am confident about closing this chapter of my life for good. I have never expected to feel this way as I do now.

 

I just wish people didn’t have to go through the hurt of a break-up. It makes me sad knowing that new threads pop up every single day with basically the same stories over and over but with an unique character to it. We learn, we change, we get over it.. eventually.

 

I really appreciate your replies to my posts. Thanks again. I hope life is treating you well. You had some big plans and I hope it all works out for you. If you need any advice or just want to talk, slip me a PM.

 

I’ve set a date with the girl I was talking about. It’s been a few years since I actually did something with a girl, but I am looking forward to have a new friend in my life after all the months of healing and finding true indifference.

 

All the best.

[broken-and-lost]

I wanted to do another update without opening a new thread.

 

A week ago something unexpected happen. I forgot all about my ex. It was as if she never existed. It was the first time in 16 months that I didn't think about her for several hours. It was a very weird experience. It’s actually becoming more common as we speak. In a way I am glad but a bit sad at the same time. I realize that I am forgetting her and that my feelings for her are gone. I believe it has something to do with me contacting her and reading her reply to it.

 

Yesterday I had a dinner with a few of my coworkers. I was waiting at the train station because I needed to know the time and I was early. It was very warm and I needed some water. So I picked out a bottle of water out of my bag, but as soon as it reached my mouth I dropped it. There was a girl sitting next to me on a bench. She made a funny remark about it and after that we had a little conversation. I already saw her train coming so I decided to give her my E-mail. Before all of this, I picked up a few daisies along the way so I could give them to my female coworkers (just for fun). Without realizing what I did I gave her one on the flowers.

 

She mailed me last night asking how my diner was. You know, I stopped caring what other people think of me. I don’t care anymore. I like who I am. If someone doesn’t want to be with me; so be it. I wouldn’t have felt this way without the experience of the break-up.

 

A break-up has a lot of opportunities.

 

Hey thierro

 

That's brilliant news really happy you've finally reached that point and sharing your experience about it here, i'm about 1 year down the line still think about her so i'm hoping i'll have a moment like you at some point

 

best of luck to your and i hope you chance meeting works out

Edited October 2, 2011 by broken-and-lost