Question faithful married women

[betterdeal]

I never accused anybody here of being unfaithful but I am wondering if you feel the pressure to be.

 

Do you feel pressure to be unfaithful, Woggle?

Edited September 10, 2011 by betterdeal

[Woggle]

Many have but there are also many good men who treat their wives well and are good fathers and don't abuse or betray women. Men like this do exist. It's not fair to punish them for the actions of the bad ones.

 

I don't see how I am insulting women. I simply asked a question.

[xxoo]

Woggle, do you envy men who cheat? Is that why you believe these things?

 

Because there are men out there who have the same attitudes you stated in your original post. There are men who think that faithful men are whipped, and give them crap.

 

Still, I don't believe that happily married men envy those guys.

 

Try this:

 

Many have but there are also many good women who treat their husbands well and are good mothers and don't abuse or betray men. Women like this do exist. It's not fair to punish them for the actions of the bad ones.

[LittleTiger]

I don't see how I am insulting women. I simply asked a question.

 

The question itself is insulting Woggle!

 

If a woman started a thread suggesting that most men were violent and abusive towards their partners and that they spent considerable time and energy encouraging their non-violent and non-abusive friends to behave as badly as they do, how would you feel about that?

 

Even if you're one of the 'good guys' who treats women well, wouldn't you be just a little insulted that some woman on the internet was suggesting the rest of your gender is 'bad' and most of you enourage the others to behave badly and treat women like cr*p?

 

I don't know why I'm even asking the question, because I already know that you would be disgusted if someone started such a thread!

[betterdeal]

I don't see how I am insulting women. I simply asked a question.

 

Let's all play the simple question game. My go:

 

Do you ever, oh, I dunno, feel the urge to have sex with your mother?

[Woggle]

I just asked a question. I sometimes really believe that most women would betray a man in a heartbeat if given the chance but I try not to feel that way. I wake up every morning telling myself I won't hate women today but then I see something that confirms my views. I don't want to be this way.

[Woggle]

I never thought people would take this thread so personally. I didn't say all women were waiting to be indoctrinated but I just wanted to know the reaction happily married and faithful women get from other women. In the circles I have run in it seems like it's almost a sin for a woman to admit she is happy in her marriage. Maybe I need to find some new circles but I didn't intend this thread to be hateful towards all women.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Woggle, I am still waiting for you to answer EACH of the questions I asked you. Please.

[Woggle]

Of course it wouldn't be right for a person to hate an entire gender but no woman on here who was sexually, physically, emotionally and mentally abused by her father plus had her ex husband abuse her, cheat on her and then try to shoot her when she moved on plus on top of that had her father tell she deserved would be blamed for hating men. Nobody would give her any grief for her hatred and any man who took offense would be accused of not being sensitive.

 

I don't believe you hate men but I do believe you would much more understanding of a woman in that situation.

 

I will move past this when I can learn how to without becoming a doormat like my father and like how I was in my first marriage. I will never ever be a victim again.

[sweetjasmine]

I will never ever be a victim again.

 

You turn yourself into a victim every day whenever you seek out garbage on the internet that pushes all of your buttons. Then you come on here and help spread more garbage around, garbage which probably pushes the buttons of people who are in your shoes. And around and around we go.

 

Seriously, it's as ridiculous as me reading Stormfront every morning and going to another website to ask white people if they're all racist nutjobs. If I did it every single day, it'd get old fast.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Of course it wouldn't be right for a person to hate an entire gender but no woman on here who was sexually, physically, emotionally and mentally abused by her father plus had her ex husband abuse her, cheat on her and then try to shoot her when she moved on plus on top of that had her father tell she deserved would be blamed for hating men. Nobody would give her any grief for her hatred and any man who took offense would be accused of not being sensitive.

 

I don't believe you hate men but I do believe you would much more understanding of a woman in that situation.

 

You are wrong.

 

I don't bother discriminating amongst abuse victims because of their gender. Or their race, or religion, for that matter. Like, I don't feel sorrier for white abuse victims than black ones because I happen to be white.

 

That seems to be YOUR special area of expertise. From your perspective, only men who have been abused by women get to wallow fully and absolutely in their victimhood, and get to be excused for completely trashing whole populations of people.

 

Guess what. You are in the company of many people who have learned how to overcome victimhood. You could learn from them. But you won't, because you are completely wrapped up in your own identity as a victim. You love it so.

 

I will move past this when I can learn how to without becoming a doormat like my father and like how I was in my first marriage. I will never ever be a victim again.

 

Whatever. That would take some work, and a profound commitment to change YOURSELF, which you have no interest or intention to do.

 

Anyway, you ARE a victim. Kind of seems like an avocation of yours. Your choice, at this stage of your life. All your choice.

 

All I can say is, it's really too bad that you married again while you are still so very actively carrying the flame of your victimhood and your hatred of women. Since your wife is one, and all. Your behavior is surely ruining your marriage, and when it's finally completely trashed ... voila! You'll have another golden opportunity to blame a woman (and all other women by extension) for your unhappiness.

 

Fun.

[quankanne]

Do your friends ever make fun of you because you are faithful? no ... even the ones who are unhappy or even divorced respect my marriage, because that's what friends do

 

Do they ever call you a stepford wife because you don't cheat on your husband? HAAAAHAHAHAHA ... no. I think if anything, they wonder how such a down-to-earth country boy handles having such a high-spirited wifey But, I've had a very close friend of ours tell me that he admired our strong marriage, that comment came at a point when we were going through a very stressful time and I honestly didn't think we'd come out of it alive.

 

Do you look at women who cheat and get envious because they are having all the fun? not really – there's a time and a place for being wild and sowing your seeds, it's called college. I went into this knowing what I would and wouldn't be doing, and it's not a hardship. If anything, I feel kind of bad for those women because they're looking for answers in places they're not going to find them ... until they figure out who they are and learn to be happy in their own skin, they'll keep searching for "highs" they get by screwing around indiscriminately. And then there's the whole venereal disease thing *shudders* ... nope, not envious at all.

[Woggle]

I have heard some of the things you went through and I guess if you can get past that pain without hating all men maybe I can finally get past my hatred.

 

The simple fact of the matter is that I don't know how to do it. I feel like this is my suit of armor that protects me from getting hurt again. The sad fact is that I feel strong when I am hating women and week when I am not. After I became a misogynist after my divorce is the first time in my life I felt strong and I did not feel like a victim anymore.

 

 

It really is like a drug I don't know how to function without anymore. This past year has been my longest period of sobriety yet from the hatred and I admit I was way happier because of it but once I see something gets me angry I take a hit again.

 

Maybe I am hopeless. That is why I say I give up. Chances are I will always be this way.

[KR10N]

Let's all play the simple question game. My go:

 

Do you ever, oh, I dunno, feel the urge to have sex with your mother?

:lmao::lmao::lmao: I hate you for making me laugh so hard.

[betterdeal]

I just asked a question.

 

Me too. Mdm Chaucer even asked you a series of pertinent ones, which you evaded.

 

I sometimes really believe that most women would betray a man in a heartbeat if given the chance but I try not to feel that way. I wake up every morning telling myself I won't hate women today but then I see something that confirms my views. I don't want to be this way.

 

We all know this. It's tired. You say it all the time. It's a typical abusive pattern: you have a bug up your ass about something unrelated - maybe you have an in-growing toe-nail - and you make your passive aggressive verbal assaults on women here. Then you deny you're being abusive. Then you apologise and show us all your wound. Again and again.

 

People do bad things. You do bad things. This verbal abuse is one of those bad things and the reason you feel remorse is because people here stand up to your abuse, point the mirror at you and you don't like what you see. If you don't want to feel a like a dick, stop being a dick. Take your grievances with your mother to your mother. Write her a letter. Stop kicking puppies just because you were bitten by a dog.

Edited September 11, 2011 by betterdeal

[Woggle]

I don't feel like I am being abusive towards anybody. I am brutally honest about what I feel in my heart but it is never my intention to hurt anybody or bully anybody.

[betterdeal]

I have no doubt your mother didn't feel like she was abusing anyone and was being brutally honest about what she really felt was in her heart. You are abusive in the same way she was for much the same reasons no doubt.

 

Come on! Some of this stuff must be seeping in by now.

 

If you want to play the simple questions game, answer mine:

 

Ever fancied boning your mum?

 

Or are you above answering simple questions? Maybe you suspect there's some malice in my motive? And what about you motive? People replied, you disbelieved. You don't look for proof of the goodness of human beings. You positively dismiss it. Why? Because then you'd have to accept that actually, you're a nasty, abusive scumbag whose been abusing women verbally for years and that you need to sort your sh*t out.

Edited September 11, 2011 by betterdeal

[Woggle]

I have no doubt your mother didn't feel like she was abusing anyone and was being brutally honest about what she really felt was in her heart. You are abusive in the same way she was for much the same reasons no doubt.

 

Come on! Some of this stuff must be seeping in by now.

 

If you want to play the simple questions game, answer mine:

 

Ever fancied boning your mum?

 

No way in hell. I don't practice incest. If I were physically and sexually abusing people on their forum and threatening to mutilate their parts then you can compare me to my mother.

 

Anyway I know I need to get past this hatred and I have two appointments with my therapist scheduled this week instead of one. It is just really hard when you have been abused for a good portion of your life by people who happen to the opposite sex not to lash out when you feel that same hatred against you even by people on the internet.

[betterdeal]

Then stop dishing out the hatred and people who have been abused will stop lashing out back at you. Get it?

[LittleTiger]

I don't feel like I am being abusive towards anybody. I am brutally honest about what I feel in my heart but it is never my intention to hurt anybody or bully anybody.

 

Woggle, I don't believe you're being 'abusive' to anyone on this thread, but you are being insulting to women.

 

Insulting women on LS is a rather bad habit of yours and, although most of the regulars know why you feel this way, it doesn't make it right that you continue to do it.

 

Those of us who love men and especially our own men, and who treat those men with the utmost respect, care and kindness are the ones you are continually asking these insulting questions. Surely you know enough about most of us from our posts alone to know that we don't think the way you suggest and don't mix with other women who think the way you suggest.

 

Your own wife is, I have no doubt, also a good woman who treats you with kindness and respect. Surely you don't suspect her of wanting to be unfaithful and of having friends who encourage her to do so?

 

You have made some improvements in your thinking over the past couple of years, for which you deserve credit. Your problem seems to be that you want to hold on to the old beliefs about women and you go searching for evidence to prove that we're all bad. When you find that evidence you throw up your hands and say 'Ah ha! I knew it!'. How about searching for evidence of good women on the internet instead of bad?

 

I myself have reason enough to dislike men based on my personal history which I have never chosen to share on LS, but I will not tar all men with the same brush as those who have hurt me in the past. Being a man doesn't make you like every other man, and being a woman doesn't make you like every other woman. We should all judge one another as individuals because that's what we are.

 

People, all people, men and women, are inherently good and moral. Science has shown that the vast majority of human beings are genetically programmed to want to behave kindly to others. Society does throws us all off course at times and we all make mistakes, but that doesn't make us bad people.

 

Please start to look for the good in women, Woggle. If you look for it you will find it ..... and the more you find it the more you will learn to like women.

[xxoo]

I don't feel like I am being abusive towards anybody. I am brutally honest about what I feel in my heart but it is never my intention to hurt anybody or bully anybody.

 

Many abusers and bullies are reacting to their own insecurities and fears.

 

I don't feel that you are abusing anyone here at LS, because you are not in a position of power over us. We can block you if we wish.

 

But if you were raising a daughter, and she heard you be this honest about what you feel in your heart many times over the years, you would, in fact, be abusing her. You would have become a mirror of your mother.

 

Can you see that? Can you see the cycle, and your place in it?

[angie2443]

No way in hell. I don't practice incest. If I were physically and sexually abusing people on their forum and threatening to mutilate their parts then you can compare me to my mother.

 

Anyway I know I need to get past this hatred and I have two appointments with my therapist scheduled this week instead of one. It is just really hard when you have been abused for a good portion of your life by people who happen to the opposite sex not to lash out when you feel that same hatred against you even by people on the internet.

 

 

Woggle, I've been a member on here for quite a while. This is the first time that someone's post made me cry. I've read some of your other threads. I knew that you were hurt by your ex wife, but missed the part about your mother.

 

My father was an abusive man. I know what is to be beaten down by one of the two people who are supposed to love and protect you no matter what. I know what it is to watch one parent slowly die inside because they are bieng abused by the one person they thought would love and protect them and be their soft place to fall when the rest of the world gets nasty.

 

For the longest time, part of me thought all men were cruel and perverted. Part of me knew better. I had friends whose fathers treated them and their moms with love and warmth. It's just something I could feel when went to their homes. For me, this was incredibaly painful. It was almost worse to know that there were good men out there who loved their children then to think that all men were just evil azz*****. It took me years to acknowledge the painful truth that my father chose to hurt us. He wasn't doing it because he was a man. He was doing it because he was cruel, and bieng cruel and the ugly truth is that bieng cruel to those who trust and love you can sometimes benifit you (general you).

 

Woggle, I have four beautiful children. Three of them are boys. I never knew you could love something so much (I love my husband. it'sjust a differant type of love) and feel such a strong desire to care for anyone untill my first son was born. I believe most moms love their children this way. Yours didn't. I believe that most people at least want to make their marriages work and don't treat their spouses like $###. Your first wife wasn't one of the good people I guess.

 

Your threads often make me angry. Life is to dang short to be living this hell of thinking that half of the world is like the one who harmed you. You don't want to be this way. If you did, you wouldn't be making these threads all the time asking if women are really "that" bad. This is the part that will lead you to getting rid of this anger and fear of women. Your wife sounds like a sweet person. That's a beautiful thing to have. Don't waste your years living in the past and dwelling on the people who crapped on you. Love the people who love you now. I wish you well.

[whichwayisup]

You have never been told any of those things? I have been around a few women who thought that faithful women were stupid stepford wives.

 

I'm not sure what's in the drinking water where you live, but I've never heard of anybody saying stuff like that!

[rafallus]

You have never been told any of those things? I have been around a few women who thought that faithful women were stupid stepford wives.

No offense, but where do you meet them?

 

Are you a prison guard?

 

Or janitor/male nurse in a mental institution?

 

Or... hell, I'm out of ideas now.

[Eve]

Anyway I know I need to get past this hatred and I have two appointments with my therapist scheduled this week instead of one. It is just really hard when you have been abused for a good portion of your life by people who happen to the opposite sex not to lash out when you feel that same hatred against you even by people on the internet.

 

Glad you have considered seeing your therapist more than once this week. Hope you can really let go of the mask and show her how troubled you are.

 

As for the initial questions, (crap, I can't scroll back now to remember what they were) I think all but the final question are a 'no'. I do know someone who is in a long term affair and thinks it is great. I am gentle with her because she is pretty ****ed up. Plus she is a relative of my Husband, so blood is thicker than water and all that abides in that scenario.

 

Being one who had a difficult start I can only advise that you consider that there are aspects to your character and psyche that have not been nurtured in a timely fashion and it may be that the rawness being experienced is an aspect of what is essentially a teen (or even pre teen fixation) that you are still experiencing. In total, when you have a problem you regress. Taking ownership of this aspect of yourself will not begin until you let someone else fully see you in that state.

 

Currrently I suspect that your friends have reinforced this aspect of yourself, (after the long standing incidents with your Mum and then ex). I would put good money on this.

 

Sadly you remind me of my ex in that regard.

 

Your therapist will help you develop a new level of reasoning where you will eventually be able to defend what you do know deep down but can't defend.

 

Basically, it is time to grow up and leave this behind. It is a pointless cycle, which even your Dad has overcome .. and he was the one who probably took the brunt of things... probably in a twisted way for you so you would have a family.

 

I would suggest that ask your therapist to include your Dad within a session or two also.

 

That is my most hopeful comment on this situation.

 

I hope you don't lose your wife. My ex never got over me and to this day I do think of him as a twat for his imaginings.

 

All the best,

Take care,

Eve x

Edited September 11, 2011 by Eve