[Tips] Doing the right thing

[Thierro]

What are the things you do to keep your mind off your ex? How do YOU get over them?

 

Maybe it's a good idea to share some of your ideas that work for you so others can try it out for themselves. It's a -fun- little journey we all go through, so let's hear it.

[Thierro]

I'll start...

 

The music-

After my break-up I would lock myself up in my room and listen to tons of break-up songs. R.E.M- Everybody hurts is a classic example. After 16 (or so) months it cracks me up knowing that I did that. This is one of the biggest mistakes people can do. Do NOT do this. It’s self damaging. Listen to upbeat and happy songs instead. Avoid the romantic stuff for a while.

 

Your favorite show-

I love the show The Office. I used AoA Audio extractor to rip the audio of all the videos and put them on my Mp3 player so I could listen to it at night and throughout the day. Watch as many comedies as you can. Watch and listen to anything that makes you laugh; audio, video, pictures.

 

Put negative energy into positive energy-

I used the break-up to become better as a person. I used my time for introspection and self-evaluation. Analyze why you do the things you do and think the things you do. Make sure you are rational about the outcome and don’t hate yourself for it. See it as an opportunity to change and evolve yourself into a wiser, empathetic and more powerful person. Observe yourself, your behavior, get to know yourself.

 

Read some books-

The following books; ‘The art of happiness’- Dalai Lama, ‘How to make friends and influence people’-Dale Carnegie, ‘The power of now’- Eckhart Tolle, were a fun read and very insightful. I don’t believe in a higher being (God) myself, but I really appreciate the way Buddhism approaches life. Very serene, empathetic and the art of cultivating inner peace, love and connectedness. Within yourself and the world.

NC or LC… Friends?-

Find things out on your own. LS doesn’t hold the secret answers to reconciliation. Learn from every situation that life presents you. Life isn’t about finding a significant other. It’s about you. Be happy on your own and share that happiness with others. Help and be good to other people but don’t expect other people to be nice to you if you are nice to them. Don’t make it about covert contracts. Never take something personally, just listen to what people have to say. It doesn’t matter if it’s negative or positive. You can always learn from it.

 

You are beautiful, be proud-

You have it good. You are able to make choices in life. A lot of people don’t. Thinking you are ugly doesn’t come from within you. It is something that people said to you and it changed your inner dialogue. You echo through what other people once told you and you take it as the truth. Why did they tell you you are ugly? Healthy human beings don’t intentionally hurt other people. When they do, it tells something about them, not you. Their life’s are not what it needs to be. People that call you names or yell at you are insecure. Fact. People that have a strong sense of self (maturity) and the world will never show this childish behavior. Sure, some people will think you are ugly, but a lot will think you are amazingly hot. People like different things, so be it.

 

Don’t hate the opposite sex

There’s a lot of the ‘sweet guy/girl finish last’ attitude going around on LS. It makes the dating scene a bitter place. Don’t put too much emphasis on the stereotypical behaviors of men and women. We are all different. Sure, a huge part of society has a basic blueprint; all very predictable, but even if the stereotypical stuff is true, why care? We don’t know what life is about. DO the thing you like to do, live your own set of values. Have a healthy sense of self-being and admire the complexity of life. You will never find out the truth. If YOU feel good about a certain act (without hurting other people or make them feel uncomfortable) then do so. In the dating forums here you’ll find a lot of posts asking ‘Should I, Could I, Am I too…’ Don’t be so damn insecure! If the opposite sex disapproves of your actions, really, what does it even matter? It often matters because you need validation, you need your expectations to be real.

Don’t hate your ex.

Just don’t. You can use this energy more productively. Pick up a hobby. Start playing guitar, read stuff, go see the world. The exes have their own life’s to worry about. They too make choices and cutting you out of their life’s isn’t a choice you are happy about. They are not living a perfect life without you. They will get hurt throughout life. We all will. It’s their journey and they want to set sail without you. Let them be who they want to be. You can let them go if you have cultivated the right basis of your human existence. If not and it’s too hard on you, maybe your body and mind is telling you to have a good luck at yourself and become the person you need to be.

Edited September 10, 2011 by Thierro

[LelouchIsZero]

Good post.

 

When I was a bit down I just read books & listened to music, though recently I haven't been attempting to preoccupy myself for the sake of not thinking about my ex. I've came to a stage where I've just been doing things, for the purpose of doing something, which of course, I still think about her from time to time, but I now just let my thoughts & feelings flow through me without too much worry about them.

 

As far as I know though, time is the only thing that's going to allow me to "get over" her.

Edited September 10, 2011 by LelouchIsZero

[Queen of Hearts 10]

I'm trying to confront the pain ! Tell the pain to go away ! It comes in waves,

I can be shopping at the store and all of a sudden it over comes me.

A memory, or a visual of him. I so love his face. I will not get to see him

any more !!!!!!!! Hurt, hurt and more hurt.

 

My Ex left a year ago. I saw him a month ago. but now he has a new GF.

 

But I will always love him. He was a perfect fit I can't replace !

I have hobbies, kids, friends, work, and school. I can fill in all the time with

living etc. Nothing will ever stop the wanting of him. He touched my soul.

 

I think trying to find another unique person to discover will move my EX out

of the way. Someday !

 

Queen of Hearts 10

[Dark Phoenix]

Whenever a thought of my ex does come to mind I try not to hold an opinion on that thought. I don't try to fight it or preoccupy myself in order for that thought to go away. I just let the thought be in my mind, don't hold an opinion, and let the thought pass through without any resistance on my end. If the thought is hurting me I try to shift the hurt into something good or neutral, like thinking to myself "those were good times" or "I had fun that day" if the thought was a memory. If it's not a memory I still try to not have any opinion associated on it and let it leave my mind on it's own.

 

If I'm in a private place I fully embrace the hurt, acknowledge that I am hurting, and feel it out. Otherwise that same thought might come back later on and hurt me again. I find that facing those hurtful emotions immediately decreases the likelihood of that thought hurting you twice.

 

 

I picked up playing guitar, working out, and I just started college again last week. It fills my time up almost completely but those stray thoughts and memories still come back every so often. I'm 5.5 months out of my breakup and I've handled the bad emotions, memories, and thoughts this way since about 2 months after the breakup. Tackle them early on and they won't harm you as much down the road, I've definitely noticed a difference when I started handling my emotions this way.

[Nohbody]

My music listening right after the breakup involved a disproportionate amount of both the 'Go Gos' and 'The Bangles'.

 

I spent 30 days in a survival school - sleeping outdoors and learning to make fire by rubbing sticks together. That was pretty awesome, in spite of the damage it inflicted on me.