I cheated on my husband... How can I fix what I did?

[Feeling_hopeless]

Almost a year ago me and my husband mutually agreed to get a divorce and begin the process of separation. We split our joint accounts, got my own cell phone, and was about to sign a lease on a apt. My things were in boxes and I was sleeping on the couch. I was deeply depressed and alcohol was not working. I wanted badly to go into the room where my husband laid and hug him and tell him this not what I want. But my ego became my weakness and I stood firm. I went out with some friends in their attempt to cheer me up. They invited a person I kind of knew but had no interest. I had a few beers and was trying desperately to get my mind of my husband. Tears began to form and the person comforted me.

 

He gave me a hug and told me a few sweet things. I wanted badly for my husband to do the same with me but I was trying to cope with the process of divorce. He began to kiss me and one thing led to another. I didn't even want it. I was not even attracted to this person but I let it happen anyway.

 

A week later as I was moving out my husband gives me a letter. In my shock he mentioned how much he loved me and didn't want to end this marriage. He wrote many other things that made me feel so happy and relieved, then the guilt hit in. I cheated while he was home waiting for me. I kept this incident a secret and things between me and him were amazing and so happy. A few months later I'm pregnant.

 

I knew this baby was ours but my guilt kept building and I had a dream that our child was not his. I woke up and confessed every detail. He was shocked and so angry.

 

I realized my mistake and immediately bursted into tears. He said he loved me but could not be with me anymore. I was 3 months pregnant. I left and 2 days later he called me back home. I came in the door and he hugged me and said I was his and understood why I did what I did.

 

As things were getting back on track he will have his moments and become upset. He said he loves me but doesn't love me like that anymore. That how F****ed up I was. He doesn't see this marriage going anywhere. I cried and cried and asked for forgiveness. he said my mistake was unforgivable and wants nothing to do with me, he couldn't get out his head that I slept with someone else that I was still married and he could never trust me again. He said he was only nice to me because I'm having his baby and he wants to be around. I told him he still said he loved me and still have intimate nights together he responded and said who else am I going to sleep with. It was just sex. I cried and asked how he could say that... he said it didn't matter I slept with someone I hardly knew and thought I was a lady.

 

In complete pain I knew I deserved and I see and feel his anger I took off my ring. He is right, what I did was unforgivable. I gave it back to him... and said how sorry I was and wanted him in my life. I don't want anyone else... he responded with "get used to being alone then". I came home and put my ring back on and told him I wasn't giving up.

 

His ring is still on the dresser. I love this man... I will do anything to make it right and rid him of his pain. I am now 7 months pregnant and completely depressed and I show nothing but remorse. I try not to be selfish and understand he needs all the love and attention not me. I feel so so guilty, I wish he knows how sorry I am.

 

Any men who have gone through this please tell me what I can do... I want my daughter to have a father and mother. I'm a good wife I just had bad judgement.... I don't want a divorce.

[Darth Vader]

Your husband is correct, there is no excuse for cheating. Have you gotten a Paternity test for the child yet? I ask that because it's possible that it's not your husbands.

 

Have you considered getting IC for yourself? Have you suggested it to your husband so he can move on with his life?

[Tp101]

My wife cheated on me and I will never go back because the relationship will never be the same. I see her as a different person.