was just starting to feel better and then this

[k100danny]

me and my ex split around 4 week ago, the first week was hard obviously and i saw her the second week which set me back a bit. she changed her number nearly two weeks after we split for what she says was another reason but may have been down to us going over things again and again when in all fairness it was me who was unhappy in the relationship and never would have been but she ended it as it got too much something i should have probably done. anyway so after she changes her number she says she is finding it hard to forget about me in a message via facebook and she wants to but if we speak she finds herself checking her mail ect to see if i have messaged her. I understand this and we do chat via message for around another week, it did kind of become not too nice but not offending each other ect and in the end i realise i have a message from her a reply to mine on facebook but just decide not to look at it as it isnt doing either of us any good.

 

so another week later around 3 weeks after we split two of her female freinds were at my house, i own a business and to cut a long story short they do some work for me 1 day a week. I hear them talking about her, this is fine i expect it, they are talking about being out the night before and my ex was with a friend a guy i kind of knew she was friends with, for some reason this hurt although i didnt ask if it was a date and i really wish i hadnt heard anything mentioned at all. they were kind of mocking this guy she was with saying he was a bit weird ect but then i see some pictures of them on facebook, nto flirting , kissing ect just kind of night out pictures with friends and again i feel slightly hurt.

 

around a week prior when we had still been talking i had mentioned that her friends were coming over the week after and i still had some of her dvd's ect that i would pass on to her friend to return to her this was before it got a bit heated and wasnt very pleasant. but the same day her friends come over to my place to work i notice in my email i have another message from her on facebook (i had been trying not to go on facebook and hadnt been checking my messages) so i decide to take a look. it is quite a pleasant email asking if i had given her things to her friend (she could have asked her) she said she hoped i was well and asked what i had been doing lately ect and ended it with a kiss. I didnt reply right away i waited until the next day and just sent a message back saying sorry i did forget but i would remember next time and i hoped her uni work ect was going well. didnt ask any questions didnt want it to seem like i was trying to get her into conversation. then i get another message, saying no need to be sorry there is no rush and she is glad i am well and ends it by calling me honey but without a kiss.

 

Now i read into things too much im not sure if she was just trying to be friendly, decided to message me then kind of regretted and wished she hadnt. anyway now i feel quite upset again at this contact from her. i feel she has just been able to move on and i dont seem to be able to even though deep down i know we would have never worked i cant help but miss her. Its almost like when i start to feel ok she takes that power back, a week after we split when i saw her i was kind of ok when i saw her but she seemed not to be, she came to my house after and was telling me she love me still. this was right after i had seen her and at seeing her i felt better. then she went off and said she said it because she was drunk.

 

I do hope i can be friends with her in the future as we were so close friends for a lot longer time than we were together but im struggling to cope so any advice would be much appreciated. i think i will just have to do no contact until all of my feelings are gone but im not sure how long that will take. sorry this was more of a rant than a question but i just felt i had to get it out there.

[lymtal1]

k100,

 

so read your post and to be honest here is how i see it. first you are too fresh off the b/u to realize what is going on and that is very normal.

 

"she changed her number nearly two weeks after we split for what she says was another reason but may have been down to us going over things again and again" - you are right she did this because she was indeed tired of talking about it. it was something that she did not want to face over again if that was how it was playing out. when we are in that situation we believe if we talk about it to them we can somehow convince them of something that will change their mind. i did it. doesn't do anything except drive them away.

 

she says "she is finding it hard to forget about me in a message via facebook and she wants to" - read what you wrote, as they will find it hard to forget because that is normal but the telling part is her saying that she wants to. this is a red flag and as bad as it is to hear, this is a fact. you just don't want to see or believe the meaning.

 

 

"but then i see some pictures of them on facebook, into flirting , kissing ect just kind of night out pictures with friends" - this is what you think it is and your heart is trying to justify that it was not what it probably was. i know it is hard to see and also really hard to accept. i have been there, it is much easier to rationalize something else. your heart doesn't want to admit, but your head may know better. if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck there is a real good chance it is a duck.

 

"she said she hoped i was well and asked what i had been doing lately ect and ended it with a kiss" - in most instances they still do care even when they have moved on. also she may feel very guilty for possibly hurting you and she very much does not want to do that. i am sure she still has feelings for you, they always do and will. you just should not interpret these things in the way you may be doing. again, i have been there and all these little small breadcrumbs we interpret as much more than they are. they make us have hope and it is very tough to not go there. that is what we want and where we want them to be. in most cases they are not where we interpret they are.

 

i am sorry that you are hurting and are having to go through this. i read your post and i go right back to so many things that i thought as well. the fact that a week later she was still telling you she loved you probably does not have as much weight as you are placing on it. has she told you that since? i can tell you that the week after we broke up she was sleeping on my chest and telling me she loved me but i knew it was not right. whether male or female they do not want us to hurt if was a good relationship and ended ok in their minds. if you read the posts here you will see that this is a similar pattern.

 

you know i may be completely wrong about all of this. it is just my opinion and i hope other more experienced folks will give you their opinion. i hope i am wrong. i just want you to get to a better place. i agree with you, i do think you need to go no contact at this point as you have given her all the power and control. that is not where you want to be. you want to begin the process of getting clear on where things are in your head.

 

friends will come later when the time is right for YOU. i am sorry again, i related so much to your situation in myself. i really hoipe you get clarity and can begin feeling better and start to heal.