Some ideas for the forum.....what do you think????

[wannabdone]

I've been on this forum for just a couple of weeks now. It has offered me so much insight and support, I have said, and I stand firm with I can not thank everyone enough.

 

As I have read others posts, it just breaks my heart that so many beautiful people are hurting. So many of them have taken something far less than what they deserve and most of us can honestly say that before this we would have NEVER put up with the s*** that we have during these A's.

 

I have seen a common trend of what MM say, how they act, etc. We have joked as if there must be classes, or books out that the read and attend that tells them how to act and what to say while having an affair.

 

I thought when I got on here, how it might be more helpful to have specific places with in the forum that have certain places that people post different things. So newbies as they can come in and read. Such as maybe a thread of the Life after a MM..... a place where people can go on and put their stories, so ppl can see they will survive NC. And possibly a place where it shows lines or actions used, that we see as common through out the stories..... there for again, the newbies coming in that have deluded themselves into thinking their story is unique and different, that it isn't. And maybe some other threads. This way, we don't lose the ability to help everyone. I can just see how someone might come on here, see all the different stories and read a couple, and say "oh that doesn't pertain to me" and continue on with their life.

 

I really don't want to lose the chance us helping anyone we can.

 

So what are your thoughts? Are there any other threads you find that might be helpful. Someone joked as to starting a thread of things we could shove up the xMM's asses. LOL.

 

I just wanted to see what you guys thought.

[jj33]

That is really up to the moderators. I would strongly encourage you to speak to them about these things.

[wannabdone]

That is really up to the moderators. I would strongly encourage you to speak to them about these things.

 

 

I agree, just wanted to get what everyone's thoughts were and if they would find it valuable before I did so. also, to get suggestions for what might need to be on there so I can present it to them;

 

Thanks!

[jj33]

The set up of this forum is that everyone is allowed to respond to everything. I dont think its meant to be that compartmentalized. But its not my forum so again I would urge you to speak to the moderators before going further with your survey

 

I've been on this forum for just a couple of weeks now. It has offered me so much insight and support, I have said, and I stand firm with I can not thank everyone enough.

 

As I have read others posts, it just breaks my heart that so many beautiful people are hurting. So many of them have taken something far less than what they deserve and most of us can honestly say that before this we would have NEVER put up with the s*** that we have during these A's.

 

I have seen a common trend of what MM say, how they act, etc. We have joked as if there must be classes, or books out that the read and attend that tells them how to act and what to say while having an affair.

 

I thought when I got on here, how it might be more helpful to have specific places with in the forum that have certain places that people post different things. So newbies as they can come in and read. Such as maybe a thread of the Life after a MM..... a place where people can go on and put their stories, so ppl can see they will survive NC. And possibly a place where it shows lines or actions used, that we see as common through out the stories..... there for again, the newbies coming in that have deluded themselves into thinking their story is unique and different, that it isn't. And maybe some other threads. This way, we don't lose the ability to help everyone. I can just see how someone might come on here, see all the different stories and read a couple, and say "oh that doesn't pertain to me" and continue on with their life.

 

I really don't want to lose the chance us helping anyone we can.

 

So what are your thoughts? Are there any other threads you find that might be helpful. Someone joked as to starting a thread of things we could shove up the xMM's asses. LOL.

 

I just wanted to see what you guys thought.

[Silly_Girl]

You can start threads on anything, and resurrect/bump them as and when. Might be a good way to trial?

[SoMovinOn]

I have seen a common trend of what MM say, how they act, etc. We have joked as if there must be classes, or books out that the read and attend that tells them how to act and what to say while having an affair.

 

That describes one type of A, with one type of MM. Although it is very commonly discussed here on LS (likely for a number of reasons), it is not everything about A's, so there should be some caution in labeling all A's under this single umbrella.

 

 

I thought when I got on here, how it might be more helpful to have specific places with in the forum that have certain places that people post different things.

 

I think allowing BS's to post in an OW/OM section, and allowing OW/OM to post in a BS section is probably a recipe for disaster. I think there should be sections for each, and, for those who want to tangle it up, or get a perspective from the other side, a section where anyone and everyone can go.

 

 

Such as maybe a thread of the Life after a MM..... a place where people can go on and put their stories, so ppl can see they will survive NC. And possibly a place where it shows lines or actions used, that we see as common through out the stories.....

 

That could be handle with Stickies. There would just need to be an appropriately titled thread started, and it would need to be strictly policed to be sure each post was on topic, perhaps by one or two volunteer mods for just that thread (or for just the stickies in that section).

 

 

...there for again, the newbies coming in that have deluded themselves into thinking their story is unique and different, that it isn't.

 

Don't be fooled... no matter how similar two stories may be, every person is unique, as is every A and every other R. Probably the worst thing to do with someone new is to assume you know everything about them based on some label or category to which you think they should be assigned. The key to being truly helpful is in understanding their unique personality, desires, needs, experience and situation, and providing relevant advice, sharing relevant stories, so they might make up their own mind in regard to what they need to do and how they might best go about doing it.

 

 

This way, we don't lose the ability to help everyone. I can just see how someone might come on here, see all the different stories and read a couple, and say "oh that doesn't pertain to me" and continue on with their life.

 

People in need are pretty persistent. I think most are likely to continue reading until they find what they feel is relevant. I think the most likely case in which they would quit reading would be if they simply feel they are being attacked.

[seren]

I like the site just the way it is, the proposed site sounds very like SI, which I have never found helpful. I find it very one sided, depending which forum one is on, I have had support from BS and OW/OM and while debates can get heated, they usually balance out. There are the inevitable posters who add nothing to discussions and aren't able to separate the topic from their own situation, on both sides. There are snidey, hurtful posters who don't seem able to differentiate between hurt and giving support and only able to their 'side of the camp', which is never helpful and there are point scorers aplenty.

 

However, in amongst all that, there are often lessons we learn from each other in our experience as people first, A role later, which I feel is missing from many BS/OW/OM sites. In the main, the dynamic of the site changes as new posters arrive, old posters leave or those who have left lurk and pop in now and again, but ultimately it finds it's rhythym again.

 

I like it as it is and hope is doesn't change.