Separated guy...he wasn't supposed to be a MM!

[SunsetRed]

"Legally, the STBX is still his W, until she isn't."

 

NoI Didnt is right.

 

I remember being so angry at who I called his "self serving, using, bi-tch wife" She didnt want him at all and humiliated him in front of so many of his co workers and family members during the initial divorce proceedings.

 

She didnt want him at all until she realized that once the divorce was final, he was going to be with me permanently and thats when she turned and wanted him back. She also created financial drama by quitting her job, refusing to work and making it difficult for him to meet his financial responsibilities unless he moved back in. I was so angry at her for being so self serving. He had put her through 4 years of college while being a high school drop out himself. So she rewards his gift of a college eduation by not working?? I kept thinking of how evil she was and wanted karma to bite her in the butt.

 

THEN..I realized. Legally, she's still his wife and legally she can have whatever rights she wants from him, esp if he's not fighting her. She is using him but he wants to be where he is, or he'd fight it.

 

I couldnt fight a wife. She has legal matters, a history with him and kids to use against me. So I gave up the battle but even now, a year after the break up, the unfairness of it all eats at me. Somehow I think its unfair that The Universe/God allowed her to be his legal wife and not me, as she is using him and I'd love him, but thats the way it is. I've sort of found a combination of acceptance with a touch of sadness and bitterness and thats where I'm at today.

 

I hope your situation isnt too harsh on you. Take care of yourself and God Bless.

[Spark1111]

He may be simply mourning the end of his marriage. There is a long history together and it wasn't all bad.

 

Remember that. It's normal no matter what the reasons for the divorce are.

 

IF I were you, I would be more concerned about his distancing. He should be sharing these feelings with you. Encourage that.

 

As for all the drama I have seen IRL among separated people?

 

You are not separated until the courts say so, no matter what the two spouses say. I would advise any of my single friends to tread very carefully when dating a separated person.

 

In fact, recently I encourage a single friend of mine to meet the wife to be assured that she did in fact endorse, not only the separation heading towards divorce, but that he was also dating as he claimed his wife was.

 

IF THAT WERE TRUE, it shouldn't be a problem now, would it?

[MissBee]

I met my sweetheart almost a year ago. He was separated, I was cautious, but all his friends knew he was almost divorced and we were never ever hidden. In fact, STBXW has seen us together which was a little uncomfortable but she knew they were divircing and that he had moved on. There were a few meetings with the STBXW (I hope my acronyms are correct as I am trying to learn them!) and they were all about agreeing on final D papers. All he has to fo now is wait for the final draft from his STBXW's lawyer and then sign them.

 

But he shared with me that she broke down during her last meeting with him and begged and pleaded to save the marriage at all costs. After 5 years of separation I can't fathom why she would pull this now. What if he doesn't sign? Would i then be an OW?

 

I never had this concern until now. Thank you for any support on this matter.

 

Him not signing doesn't automatically relinquish you to the role of OW....unless you want to stay around

 

If he decides to give his marriage a fair shot, then rightfully he'd have to break it off with you, so you wouldn't be the OW. If he decides to not divorce and pretend he is saving his marriage while still dating you and trying to appease his wife....then you may become the OW, if you still agree to be with him.

 

I don't think dating a separated, freshly divorced, married or freshly broken up person is a good idea, as it most often is a very turbulent time for that person, where the dust hasn't settled and they, much less you, don't know what things will really look like once things settle down.

 

Hopefully you guys can keep the line of communication open between you two so that you know where his mind is, what he's planning to do and where your relationship stands and can make the choice for yourself about whether or not you like where things seem to be going.Good luck!

[Love Me Tender]

I think that your best bet, honestly, is to let things take the course they're meant to take...and in order to do that, I think it might be best for you to tell him that he needs to take the time to sort out his business fully and without you having to sit by and be hurt and feel scared in the process.

 

At the very end of the day, you only want him in your life IF he is truly 100% over his ex and is wanting to continuing proceeding with the divorce. You don't want to influence him in any way because then you'll always worry that he remained with you because of that.

 

Divorce is very hard for a lot of people and even if they think they want it or are ready for it, when it comes close to the final papers being signed, it can hit them like a ton of bricks that things are really over for good. Perhaps his ex wife always held out hope that things would work out. If they have kids together, there's quite a significant history together.

 

I would tell him that all of this has made you somewhat uncomfortable and you can't continue to invest time and love until you're 100% certain that he's 100% certain and at this point you get the impression that her reaction has maybe confused him a little in terms of what he wants....and that he needs to sort out his business and figure out what he wants.

 

Do you know why they've been separated for so long? 5 years seems to be a very long time. Who was it that initiated the actual divorce?

His W actually initiated the D and she also tried turning the kids against him which hurt him immensely, but he was able to win his girl over (the other child didnt fall for it) and them convince his W that wasn't the way to go. She is the one who insisted on separate bedrooms 5 years ago and him finally moving out of their house. He moved out, lost weight and got healthy and quit trying to work things out with her and she must have become mad at this and wants him back now.

 

I don't know how a man can forgive a woman who caused them to lose 5 years when he tried so hard all along. Who goes back after that?

[Love Me Tender]

Love Me Tender,

 

I hate to break this to you and say this-but-they are not going to file for a divorce.

 

my 2 cents

 

Thank you for your two cents but how can you predict the future?

[Love Me Tender]

You won't be an OW if you don't have an affair!! if he chooses to go back to his wife and give his marriage one last go I would hope you'd not have an affair with him, rise above it and not be with someone who chooses to stay married.

 

Did he tell you how he reacted? Is he considering giving their marriage another chance?

 

He said he let her cry on his shoulder in the car after the restaurant and she also kept walking in circles in the parking lot just crying. He was confused and didn't see this coming so he just stuck around and held her when she needed it. How does somebody stuff these feelings down for 5 years?

 

He said nothing about giving her another chance but I do think he is stumped. We went out last night and he was less distant but still distant if you know what I mean.

[wannabdone]

Thank you for your two cents but how can you predict the future?

 

 

I think probably just based off of statisitics. They usually don't. That doesn't mean that there aren't one off's where they do.

 

What i'm worried about is if she was the one who intiated the D, and he tried for years to win her back, and she wouldn't. As soon as she saw him get healthy and see that he had actually moved on, she thought "Oh, S***"..... and then broke down saying she wants him. If he had tried for years to win back her affection, he might be vulnerable to return. Remember that when you have years of history with someone, good or bad, its a tie. And when they have children, etc. That will be used and will play in his head while he ways his options. I've learned that no matter how strong of a love for someone else, no matter how much they want to be with you, if they have history and kids, even if its bad history, its very difficult for a man to leave that.

 

I think the best thing for you to do here is the good old saying of "prepare for the worst, and hope for the best." I hope the best for you. But think you just need to prepare your self for the other.

 

Good luck!

[Love Me Tender]

Hi LMT. I truly didnt mean to sound so harsh. The truth of the matter is he is still married and you are the OW in this situtation. It would really bother me that they've been separated for 5 years and just now are getting around to the Big D. Something somewhere must have held them together not to follow thru. I wanted to caution you because now is the time for him to act. He is going to make a decision. You must prepare youself for the worst possiable outcome. He may go back. You only have what he has told you, and trust me, even when the OW get their man, there still has been some kind of lies involved somewhere.

 

My advice to you is the same: You need to talk to your MM and ask him what he is going to do. Trust you gut and start making plans for it to go either way. Again, I wish you the best of luck.

 

Thank you turning tables, and it's okay cause sometimes the blunt reality is what we need.

[Love Me Tender]

It sounds like you have a good compassionate man there.

 

It will be okay. They've been seperated long enough and you have been there. You are not the other. It's nice he can be caring through the divorce. It speaks well of him.

 

Thank you kristismiles. Yes, his behaviour does speak well of him. He is a great guy.

[Love Me Tender]

In real life you wouldn't be called TOW or 'his mistress', you're the one in his life and she is not, so unless his marital status eats at you, don't sweat it.

 

Silly_girl that's the way it has always felt. I am the woman in his life...his kids know us as a couple, his work, his dad, our friends, it's us us us everywhere we go. I know he sees it this way to ...until this latest meeting over asset division. Gosh I hope this doesn't bother him too long.

[Love Me Tender]

I think probably just based off of statisitics. They usually don't. That doesn't mean that there aren't one off's where they do.

 

What i'm worried about is if she was the one who intiated the D, and he tried for years to win her back, and she wouldn't. As soon as she saw him get healthy and see that he had actually moved on, she thought "Oh, S***"..... and then broke down saying she wants him. If he had tried for years to win back her affection, he might be vulnerable to return. Remember that when you have years of history with someone, good or bad, its a tie. And when they have children, etc. That will be used and will play in his head while he ways his options. I've learned that no matter how strong of a love for someone else, no matter how much they want to be with you, if they have history and kids, even if its bad history, its very difficult for a man to leave that.

 

I think the best thing for you to do here is the good old saying of "prepare for the worst, and hope for the best." I hope the best for you. But think you just need to prepare your self for the other.

 

Good luck!

 

Thank you wannabedone. He does really live his kids. He's such a great guy.

 

They're in college, do men really feel the need to go back and save a M for the kids at this point in their lives?

[wannabdone]

Thank you wannabedone. He does really live his kids. He's such a great guy.

 

They're in college, do men really feel the need to go back and save a M for the kids at this point in their lives?

 

 

I think so. But, I don't think it is really for the kids as much as it is their selves. They don't want to look bad or down on for not being their if they can. I'm sure he loves his kids, and I'm sure he loves you. If he choices to stay in the M, I'm sure it will be a tough decision, but it is his decision. He is probably really confused right now. The woman he fought to get back with for yeas is now coming to him and wanting him.

 

I think the best advise for you is if he does chose that, let him have it. And stick to your guns. Let him go back into the loveelss, tired R with her. She will evidentually go back to her old ways, once the honey moon phase wears off. Then possibly when he see's she is still the same old person she always was, maybe he will rethink his decision. HOWEVER, IF YOU STAY AND CONTINUE TO BE THE OW.....HE WILL NEVER LEAVE. He will not have a reason to. He will have the ability to be in his M, not look like the bad guy and have all the love and relationship from you. Make sense? you have got to show him that if he in fact wants it, he loses you and you don't help him stay married to her. Because if you do stay with him and carry on as the OW, you will in fact help him stay with her. It won't be were it hurts their relationship, as we all delude ourselves into thinking.

 

So, if he choices that....do you think you can walk?

[So Very Confused]

I think so. But, I don't think it is really for the kids as much as it is their selves. They don't want to look bad or down on for not being their if they can. I'm sure he loves his kids, and I'm sure he loves you. If he choices to stay in the M, I'm sure it will be a tough decision, but it is his decision. He is probably really confused right now. The woman he fought to get back with for yeas is now coming to him and wanting him.

 

I think the best advise for you is if he does chose that, let him have it. And stick to your guns. Let him go back into the loveelss, tired R with her. She will evidentually go back to her old ways, once the honey moon phase wears off. Then possibly when he see's she is still the same old person she always was, maybe he will rethink his decision. HOWEVER, IF YOU STAY AND CONTINUE TO BE THE OW.....HE WILL NEVER LEAVE. He will not have a reason to. He will have the ability to be in his M, not look like the bad guy and have all the love and relationship from you. Make sense? you have got to show him that if he in fact wants it, he loses you and you don't help him stay married to her. Because if you do stay with him and carry on as the OW, you will in fact help him stay with her. It won't be were it hurts their relationship, as we all delude ourselves into thinking.

 

So, if he choices that....do you think you can walk?

 

I completely agree with the bolded.

 

I hope I'm not giving you false hope, but I really think there's a good chance the divorce will be final and they'll both go their seperate ways. Even though my divorce hurt when it was final, and the scared weak side of me would have gone back, the strong, healthy side of me wouldn't. It wouldn't take more than an hour of being with my ex to remind me of how unhealthy our M was. I just hope you stay strong and don't put yourself through any more pain while the decision is made. Let the two of them sort it out while you do what you need to do to get strong and healthy. Don't be a crutch. Be his friend. But don't soften the blow for him at your expense.

 

Your MM sounds like a compassionate person. You can't fault him for that. He's also been honest with you so he's got that going for him too.

 

I kind of think using the kids as a reason to stay is BS. They're in college. They're adults. They'll be okay.

[Love Me Tender]

 

So, if he choices that....do you think you can walk?

I have to walk if he chooses to go back. I will be gutted but I won't cling to someone who clearly doesn't want me. I don't think he would ask me to remain as an other woman he would either choose one or the other if I know him like I think I do.

[Love Me Tender]

I completely agree with the bolded.

 

I hope I'm not giving you false hope, but I really think there's a good chance the divorce will be final and they'll both go their seperate ways. Even though my divorce hurt when it was final, and the scared weak side of me would have gone back, the strong, healthy side of me wouldn't. It wouldn't take more than an hour of being with my ex to remind me of how unhealthy our M was. I just hope you stay strong and don't put yourself through any more pain while the decision is made. Let the two of them sort it out while you do what you need to do to get strong and healthy. Don't be a crutch. Be his friend. But don't soften the blow for him at your expense.

 

Your MM sounds like a compassionate person. You can't fault him for that. He's also been honest with you so he's got that going for him too.

 

I kind of think using the kids as a reason to stay is BS. They're in college. They're adults. They'll be okay.

 

Thanks soveryconfused. I think it's ridiculous as well to stay M for adult kids but from what I've read on this forum it seems that a lot of men feel life is just easier if families remain intact.

 

Yes, he is very honest and forthright with me, and I am grateful for that. Let's see if that will carry us through.

[wannabdone]

Thanks soveryconfused. I think it's ridiculous as well to stay M for adult kids but from what I've read on this forum it seems that a lot of men feel life is just easier if families remain intact.

 

Yes, he is very honest and forthright with me, and I am grateful for that. Let's see if that will carry us through.

 

Hate to barge in on you two's convo, but just want to give my two cents. I think its ridiculous for anyone to stay M for children of any age. I just don't see why they think it is better. So their children can grow up and not know the meaning of a real and loving relationship? So they will have a false impression of love? Its just absurb that so many people use this as an excuse. And I think its just an excuse, really. My MM has SEVERAL children, and yes I see how it would be hard to be divorced with that many, but it is doable. He watched his mom and dad have a bad M for years. His father was very much in love with OW and had a 20+ year affair. His mom and dad too had multiple kids, and those kids watched a love less M. And guess what....EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE KIDS, GREW UP, MARRIED, WAS MISERABLE AND ARE OR HAVE HAD A.

Why would they not want to break the cycle for their children? I see staying for the children a lot more harmful than not. And I am really saying that NOT coming from the place of the OW.

[Seraph1]

Love Me Tender, thats how it happened with me. My bf was separated for 3 years but when it was time to get serious about signing the divorce papers and she knew someone else would have him, she begged him back.

 

The thing is, he went back. I've heard is said on here that when people want to get divorced, they get divorced. His STBXW had completely ruined him body heart and soul and let him down when he needed her the most and yet he still went back and kicked me to the curb.

 

Thats the thing, our guys chose to go back. It doesnt matter how or why what matters is that they did.

 

Now we must stand strong on our own and not be pulled into their drama.

 

As for myself, I will never again date a separated man. If he's not getting divorced, its because he doesnt want to. Men who want to be married get/stay married and men who want to get divorced, get divorced. Staying separated and hanging in limbo means they want to stay married.

Thats what I'm telling myself anyway.

 

I found myself in this situation very briefly (1 month) and it happened exactly like this...except she had cheated on him for 2 years prior to the separation and was already living with another different man in a different city. It was only when she fell pregnant to the new man (who kicked her to the curb) that she decided that she didn't want to divorce and begged him back.

 

He went back after withdrawing from me and acting confused. I stepped away and told him 'good luck'. I didn't want any of that trainwreck! He still wanted me around as his 'back-up' plan in case she hadn't changed. Loser.

 

As for your situation... give it some space and if it appears that he is backing away from you and tells you that he is confused...RUN! There is little you can do in this situation since it is between him and her. Stupid thing is that he is playing with YOUR life while he works this out when it should already have been worked out long before he got involved with you!

 

Yes, divorce becomes real when you sign the papers (been there and done that) but if you have really accepted the situation you are scared and sad... not wondering if you should try to fix things.

 

I hope that things work out well for you. A year is a long time for him to steal from you.

[fooled once]

Hi LMT. I truly didnt mean to sound so harsh. The truth of the matter is he is still married and you are the OW in this situtation. It would really bother me that they've been separated for 5 years and just now are getting around to the Big D. Something somewhere must have held them together not to follow thru. I wanted to caution you because now is the time for him to act. He is going to make a decision. You must prepare youself for the worst possiable outcome. He may go back. You only have what he has told you, and trust me, even when the OW get their man, there still has been some kind of lies involved somewhere.

 

My advice to you is the same: You need to talk to your MM and ask him what he is going to do. Trust you gut and start making plans for it to go either way. Again, I wish you the best of luck.

 

Great post and I agree.

 

ask him point blank what his intent is!

 

you need to know! is he even THINKING of going back - PROBABLY since he's been distant.

 

and 5 years pass - and he's just now moving forward? sheez, IF he wanted to have it FINAL - he would have.

 

either way - you need to know - because even if he has THOUGHT of going back - you need to leave. you don't want to be second string!

 

and stop dating him until it's FINAL! yes, you CHOSE to date him while he's still married... this is OFTEN very hurtful - mainly because many men go back to the marriage. you can also choose to leave him now and make you the priority. he's somber because he's rethinking things = that sucks!

 

 

look out for you - no one else is going to do that for you.

 

Agree.

 

Silly_girl that's the way it has always felt. I am the woman in his life...his kids know us as a couple, his work, his dad, our friends, it's us us us everywhere we go. I know he sees it this way to ...until this latest meeting over asset division. Gosh I hope this doesn't bother him too long.

 

So he never initiated the divorce, his wife did. Interesting...in 5 years he has never pushed for the divorce.

 

If he were in an accident today, his wife would be making the decisions, not you. His wife would be the one planning a funeral, not you. His wife would be the widow, not you.

 

So for a year, you have dated a married man who lives in a different location than his wife. Did it ever bother you that he was not getting a divorce; as in not pushing the divorce.

 

I divorced my ex. We were officially divorced 15 months after I filed. I had to wait a year to file with the court; mandatory 1 year waiting period due to having a young child. As soon as the one year was up, the signed papers were submitted to the court and a court date was assigned.

 

I would be bothered by the fact that he hasn't initiated anything. Why is that?

 

As for what his wife did or didn't do, you have no first hand knowledge of this do you? Before throwing stones at his wife, remember this guy never initiated pushing the divorce through. That should have been a huge red flag, IMHO.

 

So he hasn't said a single word about what he plans to do? Another huge red flag, IMHO.

 

Be careful, because it sounds like this guy has no real desire to be divorced since he has not done anything to get the divorce done. I see you being hurt in the future; because it doesn't sound like he is emotionally ready to leave his wife. The fact that he comforted her, hugged her and all that --- HUGE red flag....especially after 5 years.

[Love Me Tender]

Great post and I agree.

 

 

 

Agree.

 

 

 

So he never initiated the divorce, his wife did. Interesting...in 5 years he has never pushed for the divorce.

 

If he were in an accident today, his wife would be making the decisions, not you. His wife would be the one planning a funeral, not you. His wife would be the widow, not you.

 

So for a year, you have dated a married man who lives in a different location than his wife. Did it ever bother you that he was not getting a divorce; as in not pushing the divorce.

 

I divorced my ex. We were officially divorced 15 months after I filed. I had to wait a year to file with the court; mandatory 1 year waiting period due to having a young child. As soon as the one year was up, the signed papers were submitted to the court and a court date was assigned.

 

I would be bothered by the fact that he hasn't initiated anything. Why is that?

 

As for what his wife did or didn't do, you have no first hand knowledge of this do you? Before throwing stones at his wife, remember this guy never initiated pushing the divorce through. That should have been a huge red flag, IMHO.

 

So he hasn't said a single word about what he plans to do? Another huge red flag, IMHO.

 

Be careful, because it sounds like this guy has no real desire to be divorced since he has not done anything to get the divorce done. I see you being hurt in the future; because it doesn't sound like he is emotionally ready to leave his wife. The fact that he comforted her, hugged her and all that --- HUGE red flag....especially after 5 years.

Thank you Fooled ounce but I think you have read into this a little bit. His W did file the initial pprwork a long time ago but then she lollygagged and he got tired of it. He has since pushed very every meeting on assets and has retained his own lawyer. In the end they want to go uncontested even though they have both spent lots of money but only on advice and her initial filing of separation--they are legally separated which means some assets are already determined and child support is already being paid.

 

 

We spent a wonderful Sunday together and he seems back to his normal and loving self. He has been very reassuring, but the initial jolt sure scared me. I began to wonder if I would be asked to step back and maybe even be the ow and as much as I shudder the thought I love him so much I know it would be very hard to walk away.

 

I asked him what the future holds for them and what he thinks will happen. He told me what he wants is for a clean break and for her not to be hurt. And he sees me in his future.

[White Flower]

Hey LMT just wanted to encourage you a bit, not that I can predict your future or anything. During a long breakup with MM I saw a SG (separated guy/single guy) and it was a little cause for concern for me, only I was still deeply in love with MM even if I was trying to stuff it all down and give a new guy a shot.

 

 

Anyway, when I realized I still loved MM and he wanted to reconcile I had a talk with the SG and we decided to end our R. He was also separated a very long time and when I read your story I saw so many similarities. He is now divorced and quite happily engaged already, so it does and can happen. I'm really not sure how a couple goes 5 years without daily bonding, talking, sex, holidays, and so on without doing some major damage to the R--the intimacy would be killed and hardly revivable.

 

 

Hope this helps a little. Hang in there.

[carhill]

OP, IMO, if he is indeed legally separated (confirmed with the courts, as in you've seen the case summary independently) and has been living separately, you have taken a reasonable risk and have been a dating partner/girlfriend.

 

In Cali, a legal separation is essentially the same as a divorce, except the parties are not free to re-marry legally until formally divorced. Substantially, settlement is concluded and the court has issued orders of custody and child support, with only minor issues remaining to settle before the final decree of divorce is entered.

 

I'd be more confident in a positive outcome if they were both using mediation to finalize their settlement and his wife was emotionally neutral about proceeding. Of course, unless you have talked with her independently or listened in on their conversations, you have no idea what was said or how she feels. Anything he tells you is hearsay.

 

Next steps? I personally wouldn't invest in him further emotionally, remaining neutral until their final divorce has been concluded. That position would be mitigated by current actions/words of his wife to you directly which supported your relationship with him.

 

As an example of an alternative path, I'm a MM who proactively ended his M and we settled an uncontested D legally over about 18 months. My exW had a live-in BF prior to our final divorce decree being filed and I was fine with that. I hope things work out for her. I have no contact with exW except regarding mutual friends and no contact with fOW/MW.

 

Each situation is different. Decide your boundaries and enforce them. Good luck

[awkward]

I asked him what the future holds for them and what he thinks will happen. He told me what he wants is for a clean break and for her not to be hurt. And he sees me in his future.

 

This is promising.

 

I'd ask him a couple more questions, for peace of mind. What if she is hurt? What if she wants to try again?

[Love Me Tender]

OP, IMO, if he is indeed legally separated (confirmed with the courts, as in you've seen the case summary independently) and has been living separately, you have taken a reasonable risk and have been a dating partner/girlfriend.

 

In Cali, a legal separation is essentially the same as a divorce, except the parties are not free to re-marry legally until formally divorced. Substantially, settlement is concluded and the court has issued orders of custody and child support, with only minor issues remaining to settle before the final decree of divorce is entered.

 

I'd be more confident in a positive outcome if they were both using mediation to finalize their settlement and his wife was emotionally neutral about proceeding. Of course, unless you have talked with her independently or listened in on their conversations, you have no idea what was said or how she feels. Anything he tells you is hearsay.

 

Next steps? I personally wouldn't invest in him further emotionally, remaining neutral until their final divorce has been concluded. That position would be mitigated by current actions/words of his wife to you directly which supported your relationship with him.

 

As an example of an alternative path, I'm a MM who proactively ended his M and we settled an uncontested D legally over about 18 months. My exW had a live-in BF prior to our final divorce decree being filed and I was fine with that. I hope things work out for her. I have no contact with exW except regarding mutual friends and no contact with fOW/MW.

 

Each situation is different. Decide your boundaries and enforce them. Good luck

Thank you carhill. I felt that it was a reasonable risk.

 

I have not spoken to his W personally but I have overheard conversations and he has shown me texts and asked my opinion about them. I have always had a strong sense that it was over between them and that's why such the strong jolt after the last meeting.

 

Good news is they are leaning toward dropping one of the lawyers and going the mediation route. I'm going to read your rules of NC just in case I need it though.

 

This is promising.

 

I'd ask him a couple more questions, for peace of mind. What if she is hurt? What if she wants to try again?

Excellent plan awkward, I will do that. Edited September 13, 2011 by Love Me Tender

[SunsetRed]

Not to be negative, but doesnt mediation imply they are working things out to be together?

 

Mediation is used to assist people with working out their issues without involving the courts. BUT to get an actual divorce, you NEED the courts and an official legal document to end the marriage.

 

Not trying to rain on your parade, but just hoping you'll protect your heart.

 

Hugs to you, keep us posted.

[carhill]

In our jurisdiction, mediation is a generally non-adversarial process of reaching an amicable settlement, which is then reduced to legal language and becomes the basis of the judgment the court essentially 'rubber stamps', presuming legal requirements are met. It's one pathway to divorce. It can be used during either a contested or uncontested divorce. We went uncontested to save on filing fees and service fees and lawyer's fees since, for us, the process was predominantly amicable.