suz8781 Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 I feel so hurt. I have been married for 1 1/2 years. This all started because I am taking a trip to Las Vegas with 4 women from my office and my sister in law. We will be there less than 24 hours. My husband announced last night that he is going to see a colleague in Las Vegas and that it will be a boys weekend. The last time (2 years ago) he and his colleague did a boys weekend it almost broke us up. They went from one strip club (lap dancing) to another and my now husband really enjoyed himself. I told him I didn't mind if he went to a Strip Club but couldn't believe he got lap dances. I told him how much it upset me and asked him not to get anymore lap dances. He pretty much blew me off. Needless to say, we had several talks and he finally said he wouldn't. I was a wreak every time he had to go to Vegas for business. It has been 2 years and no mention of Strip Clubs until now. He said he should be able to because I'll be checking out guys in Las Vegas. I told him I have no need to check out guys because I am very happy with him. He insists I will check out guys and he wants to look at the strippers. Should I call it quits? Link to post Share on other sites
LILUIL Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 To me that is not right. He's been honest in telling you up front so you definitely have to use tact in replying. It's wrong if he told you just so he can force an understanding on you and have the expectation that you will be okay, SINCE HE TOLD. Your opinion is your opinion. Restricting to strongly could make him hide that from you next time he wants to go. I dont have strip clubs in my country, so enlighten me, cant women follow? If women are allowed to enter, I would follow this one time, after all, you both are travelling to Vegas together, arent cha? So what business does he have to leave you alone and go to a strip club of all things? Link to post Share on other sites
Author suz8781 Posted May 9, 2004 Author Share Posted May 9, 2004 SH2803geeDS Thank you for post. I I did go to a Strip Club with him 2 years ago. I was shocked what I saw. The women rub themselves all over the men for a lap dance. The women don't even dance on the stage. They just walk around. No, we aren't traveling together. I am going to Las Vegas in 2 weeks and he plans on going in July when his colleague wife and children are way in California. By the way, his friends wife kicked him out last fall because of his behavior. They just got back together a few months ago. I told my husband, I cant believe his friend would even think about going to a Strip Club when it would jepordize his marriage again. He left Friday night after the argument ( I did ask him to leave and told him I wanted to move back to my house) and I haven't seen him since. I love my husband and don't want us to divorce but I also don't want this to effect myself esteem as it did years ago. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 He's acting like a cheese ball. Link to post Share on other sites
DerangedAngel Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 Cheese ball. D*ck head. Something. Honestly, I wouldn't stand for this kind of behavior in any serious, exclusive relationship - especially a marriage! Best of luck to you on saving your marriage, or moving on. -Deranged Link to post Share on other sites
lana Posted May 15, 2004 Share Posted May 15, 2004 i cannot believe that you would call it quits with your husband because he goes to strip clubs. let me explain, he has been a good husband and he has not made a habit out of frequenting strip clubs. sure, this actions may leave a bitter taste in your mouth, but you don't have enough trust for your man after having been married for 1.5 years? do you know how many women complain because their husbands are abusive, emotionally absent, or not in love with them? not to invalidate your concern, but your problem is a non-problem. do you trust him when he goes to the grocery store, where many REAL single women looking for men frequent? do you trust him when he's at work where women work as well? strip clubs are really a non threat because, while things do go on, if you trust your man, then they are no different than him going to work or to the grocery store. sure, strippers are naked, but it's merely a visual for him, just as porn is. and you mentioned he's going with his buddy and that it's just a boys night out. i wouldn't be worried about it, every relationship is about trust. the man i don't trust is going to not have my trust regardless if he's going to the grocery store or to a strip club. be happy you have a wonderful partner, and good luck to you! ps. strip clubs are part of the fantasy. it's the OTHERness, and not the USness that is part of the fantasy. i hate to say it, but most men's fantasies are of what they don't have, but these are merely fantasies, and your husband isn't the type to act out on them. even if you never allow a man to frequent another strip clubs, his fantasies are still there, and unless you want to play thought police, they don't go away. Link to post Share on other sites
midwestconfusion Posted May 15, 2004 Share Posted May 15, 2004 My husband wanted to go to a strip club and I told him "okay, when should we go?". I took him. I sat at the bar and he did his thing watching the near naked women. I then paid for 4 lap dances for him. What the heck, I'm taking him home! Even selected the most gorgeous woman of the lot! Didn't bother me. I'm comfortable enough with my sexuality, with my sexual abilities and even if he wanted to get nasty with the woman, it's not permitted anyway and these women don't look at these guys as potential companions or mates...they're nothing but a wallet with a penis. If I were you, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, let him have his boys night and realize that you can have your girls nights too if you wanted. If you don't feel you "have to" look at other men, good for you, that's your choice. But remember, let him have the fantasy and he won't have to stray. Before he goes, give him a little lap dance yourself so he knows what he's leaving behind and what he's going to come home to! Link to post Share on other sites
Author suz8781 Posted May 16, 2004 Author Share Posted May 16, 2004 I think Iv'e solved the problem. I asked if him if he opposed me taking off to San Diego so I can bump and grind with a few Marines and Navy guys with hard-on's or go to the bars in the Gas Lamp district so I can check out their hard bodies. He responded with "Do whatever you want with Marines and Navy guys. Or anyone for that matter. You are a free person. You know the limits responsibility places on free conduct." I think the subject is closed. I thank everyone for their advice. Link to post Share on other sites
deesgirl Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 To me, lap dances are cheating. What do you plan to do if he goes and does this knowing how you feel about it? Is he mad because you are going to LV, or using this as an excuse to do what he wants? I think he told you to do what you want because he knows (or thinks) that you won't do it. Link to post Share on other sites
supermom Posted May 17, 2004 Share Posted May 17, 2004 My husband and I make a policy to not conduct ourselves in a way that would bother us if we saw the other do the same thing. thats how we trust each other. My husband even drove me and my mom to one (I was preg though and was just there to watch). Trust is so important, that without it the marriage isn't fullfilling. good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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