ludovico Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Question... Judging by many of the posts on here, and my own situation, I've noticed that a lot of dumpees seem to suffer from low self-esteem... Is this because they were dumped? Or they had low self-esteem during the relationship? In my case, I knew I had low self-esteem during a large portion of my relationship and I believe it was a major factor in why my ex left... Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
ScienceGal Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I don't have low self-esteem Did I make mistakes in the relationship? Could I have handled things better? Did I do some self-blaming immediately after the breakup? Yes to all. But, did I ruin the relationship? No. He did by being consumed by his own ego. That has nothing to do with me, in fact, several people have mentioned that they didn't understand why I dated him anyway. His issues prevented the relationship from moving forward. I'll be just fine... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ludovico Posted September 11, 2011 Author Share Posted September 11, 2011 thanks for your insight guys Link to post Share on other sites
antinko Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Low self esteem can come and go in waves. If you read my journal (in sig), you'll see that being dumped affected me and did knock my confidence, but I had enough self esteem to start pulling myself out of the rut. Now I'm dating a far nicer girl and long may it continue... Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 for me it was a little of both. my self-esteem has never really been the greatest and given the way my ex treated me, said self-esteem dropped to particularly extreme lows - -especially when he dumped me. but six months on, my self-esteem has never been better! i admit i still have a ways to go. but if anything being dumped forced me to really tackle my self-esteem in a way i never had before. my self-esteem definitely played a role in the souring and eventual end of things. but i refuse to take responsibility for the accusations he threw at me towards the end. i can't take responsibilities for issues he never addressed; gave no examples or explanations for and simply expected me to "know" i've taken responsibility for my issues. but i know for a fact he will never take responsibility for his. and neither will i. Link to post Share on other sites
SillyS Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 I'm the same way, I don't think I have focused on my self esteem greatly in the past but that being dumped brought me much lower. It just hurt to think that the person I loved and let in more than anyone felt all the worst things about me. The accusations and really the idea that I hurt him by being myself was a bit hard to take after the break up. But I realize now that I have some things that I would like to focus on to protect my heart in the future, and that I need to become the type of person I would want for myself. Thus it's been more of a self-discovery process, and for me, the hardest thing will be to not change everything. That this individual's opinion is just that, an opinion. I will love again someday, and I will try to see the good in people regardless of what he did to me or how he made me feel in the end. Being dumped can also be just what an individual needs to get their self-esteem in order. The focus is back on me, and I can change myself for myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Besmy Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 I certainly do not have any low self-esteem, in fact I think that when my ex dumped me (via sms! what a gentleman!) it was his loss, not mine. I'm angry for the lack of manners, but then, what shall I expect from such a person? Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 i'd say don't fail to recognize the opposite. the dumpers that are running off due to GIGS are often seeking attention...meaning they are the ones that likely have esteem issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ludovico Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 i'd say don't fail to recognize the opposite. the dumpers that are running off due to GIGS are often seeking attention...meaning they are the ones that likely have esteem issues.i agree with this 100%... however, usually we date people that we have much in common with so if they had esteem-issues wouldn't it stand to reason that we do too? in my experience, it was like that... it's funny, I'm reading this e-Book - No More Mr. Nice Guy - and it's really opened my eyes as to why I have such poor self-esteem and how it affected my last relationship... i would recommend anyone who brands themselves a "nice guy" to read it Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 i agree with this 100%... however, usually we date people that we have much in common with so if they had esteem-issues wouldn't it stand to reason that we do too? in my experience, it was like that... it's funny, I'm reading this e-Book - No More Mr. Nice Guy - and it's really opened my eyes as to why I have such poor self-esteem and how it affected my last relationship... i would recommend anyone who brands themselves a "nice guy" to read it well, im more into "opposites" in girls, but it is a valid idea that the two share similar traits. Link to post Share on other sites
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