Anyone actually have success in a second chance?

[maylis]

There are so many bad and sad situations, has anyone had something positive happen?

[benB]

My ex and I broke up last August and I struggled for months afterwards, in January of this year we got back together and by this August she was right back to the behavior that ended us last August. I broke up with her last week for the same things she did last year and now I am back on LS. I thought breaking up with her would make her realize she needed to change and she basically said she won't change and doesn't want to talk to me. So second chances suck, now I am right where I was last year, but even worse.

[Orianne]

Yes...we broke up for approximately a four month period and got back together. Three months later we got married (we were engaged before the breakup) and a few months after that we bought our first house together.

 

Our biggest problem was communication--I always expected that he would be able to know something was bothering me without me telling him and vice-versa. Once we figured that out, everything changed.

[maylis]

Congratulations, it is nice to hear the good things too!

[Kamila]

A dear friend of mine actually got back together with her boyfriend, now husband and father of their 2 children.

 

She told me that they were broken up for almost a year. The reason was the lack of commitment of her boyfriend at that time. So she pulled the plug and went on low contact. He kept contacting her during a year and they sort of worked it out together.

 

So in that case, low contact actually worked for them.

[Maverick1983]

I posted here over a year ago when I broke up with my ex.I broke up with her a few times but felt like I needed her back so went through all the pain of thinking that I needed her in my life.I met someone randomly a few weeks later on a night out and I'm still with this girl and couldn't be happier.I put my ex on a pedestal and when I look at it now over a year down the line I know that I made the right choice by walking away and that it would never work with my ex.Life does well and truly go on after an ex and in my case I found better

[visualbasicide]

My dog ran away and came back, does that count?

[Leigh 87]

I broke up with my boyfriend a few days ago, because I wanted to fix myself, so that I could be a healthy enough person, to be in a close relationship.

 

That lasted on day; I was too heartbroken to live without him, and we decided that, as long as I change for the better, and try to better myself, that I can fix my issues WHILE still having him, at the end of the day, to come home to every night.

 

We have been happy most of the time since, albiet a few last minute, final discussions over un resolved issues.

 

With my boyfriend, we had to literally start again; we have a special bond, and we both want the same things in life, however; I had too many issues before, that hindered us being the best we could be.

 

I am working a LOT on my personal issues, and he decided to start fresh, and get to know each other all over again, and folrget the past.

 

 

Broke up a few days ago, and so far so good now......

[andrew-bkk]

My ex and I broke up last August and I struggled for months afterwards, in January of this year we got back together and by this August she was right back to the behavior that ended us last August. I broke up with her last week for the same things she did last year and now I am back on LS. I thought breaking up with her would make her realize she needed to change and she basically said she won't change and doesn't want to talk to me. So second chances suck, now I am right where I was last year, but even worse.

 

You are the same as me. I broke up with my ex last August.

 

We had been together for more than ten years, and then she cheated. We got back together in January. But it only lasted about two months.

 

I've learned a lot from this.

 

1. if the woman cheats ........ the relationship is dead

2. if the woman is intrinsically dishonest ....... the relationship is dead

3. if the woman has a controlling nature ..... the relationship is dead

 

A desire for a second chance is usually nothing more than a fear of facing a new and uncertain future.

 

With the fullness of tme, you will understand and accept why the relationship failed. And then you'll get strong again. And then you'll move on.

 

It's called Life.

[The_Good_Me]

My sister and her fiance successfully reconciled. Basic jist was they were together for roughly 5 years, she met someone new that she liked at a time where she also felt her bf didn't care about her. She left her bf for the new guy. 3 or 4 months later she hears her ex is moving on and she went running back to him. It's been another 5.5 years since then and they are due to be married next year.

 

I think successfull reconciliation is extremely rare as it takes so much hard work from both parties.

 

 

From the dumpee point of view they have to...

• Forgive the dumper for the break up
  
• Forgive the dumper for what they did since the break up (usually being with someone else)
  
• Be willing on working on getting the trust back over a long period
  
• Put up with constant fear that the S.O could do it again at any given moment.
  

I think you have to be a certain type of person to willingly take all that on especially while in fear that they'll do it again.

 

From the dumper point of view they have to completely understand what the dumpee has to deal with and be patient with them because of it.

 

This is all on top of working on what went wrong in the relationship in the first place (in their case I believe it was communication and wanting more social life together)

 

My sisters fiance is a saint for going through what he has and my sister too as she has had to endure years of being in a relationship knowing she wasn't fully trusted and with someone who couldn't completely give himself over. They have stuck at it and worked on it very maturely for a long time and now they are the strongest couple I know today.

 

It's so rare for this to happen though and I don't advise anyone to cling onto hope that it'll happen. For it to happen, the dumper has to first realise they made a mistake, want you back and be willing to put their neck on the line to achieve it. There are a lot of cowards out there that won't return even if they want too.

 

I think this is what helped make me realise my ex will never come back looking for a second chance. I'm certain she hasn't even thought about coming back to me and I'm positive she is happy with her new life. Even if this isn't true, she realised she made a mistake and wanted me back, I know her too well. She is too much of a coward to face me after what she did (she didn't dump me in a nice way) and she would never look me in the eye after being with someone else. If she's happy she won't come back, if she's miserable she won't come back. That I can be sure of.

Edited September 13, 2011 by The_Good_Me

[SillyS]

My close friend and her boyfriend broke up, because he was not sure about the relationship and started to get cold feet as they were about to settle down. You have all seen the GIGS thread, but she ended things with him and told him basically try to find whatever was missing in his life. Fast-forward, a year and half later, he told her that he wants her in his life. And that he simply appreciated the time and space she gave him, and that he would be able to commit himself to her now that he had this time to grow as a person and really know what he wanted. She was heartbroken when he became distant, but he came back and after a lot of begging and pleading with her, they started to talk and they are now married.

 

I also know of another couple that ended things after bad timing, and had been apart for 4-5 years. They had the connection always, but you need a lot more than that, and after he found her again, they worked things out and are now married and welcoming their first child together. I think when second chances do occur, they give the couple a different level of strength. They experienced being without each other, and they were able to overcome and forgive each other. I respect that type of dedication. No one knows what the future holds, so its best if second chances aren't forced on people and come natural down the line if they do happen.

[Gdunkman]

I don't know whether I should call it success, but we are together for about half a year as for now, we haven't seen each other for 8 months before that, including 5 months total NC. At the moment I'm happy about our relations.

 

During the break up period I learned a lot about human behavior, such as GIGS, rebound relations and NC, I am really surprised how predictable peopl are, it looks like everyone follow the same rules

[ChelleBelle]

Hi,

 

I know three situations where second chances have worked: All three are factual and true. Second chances can and do work, so read on and take hope

 

One woman, went out with a guy, found out he cheated on her, finished the relationship, dated other guys, met up with her x, got back together with him and now is happily married with 2 kids. It is a very strong marriage too.

 

Another work colleague, dated a guy for 2 years when she was a teenager, split up with him as her family did not approve of him. She was devasted as he was her first love. She went on to marry another guy and have a child and the marriage broke down as her husband left her for another woman. By chance met up with her first love in the street, who was also married and divorced at this stage. They moved into gether with 2 months and are now happily married.

 

Another work colleague, was dating a guy, was out with girl friends at a night club, met a guy. Had a one night stand and fling with this guy. Never saw him again. Eventually finished with her BF. Bumped into the guy she had a fling with, slept with him again. Went out on a date with him and is now married to the guy she had a fling with and has 4 kids. Also a very strong marriage.

 

Yes, second chances can and do work.

[TheDovic]

Absolutely...

 

My aunt and uncle dated for 4 years, broke up only to get back together a year later. They have now been happily married for twenty years.

 

My best friend's fiancee broke up with him for one month prior to their wedding but got back together and are also happily married.

 

Another close friend (who happens to live in the same street as me and my best friend) and his gf broke up for three months a few years ago. Like the other couples they managed to reconcile and are also happily married.

 

Keep hope, that's what I'm doing