seawisher Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 (edited) I am currently having issues with a 2 year relationship that all of a sudden went sour on a trivial matter but he refuses to think of anything other than "how angry he is" about me reading a card he got her for her bday. He says he still loves me but doesn't want to see me right now and doesn't think we'll be together "in his present state of mind". All I have are text messages to keep in touch with him. He says I destroyed his trust by reading the card even though I'd asked him prior if I could read it. And I told him when I read it. He jumps to stubborn "I am always right" anger all the time and it's so hard to wait out, deal with, not get shattered by. He can't see past his current knee jerk emotion and it's tearing me apart. Edited September 11, 2011 by seawisher spelling Link to post Share on other sites
So Very Confused Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 Geez does that sound familiar. My xMM went nuts because I had a dating profile (and he knew I was trying to start dating) and told me he doesn't want to see me anymore. Because he can't trust me. I guess that's a common theme. A MM who is cheating on his spouse can't trust us? HUH? What a load of BS. It's crazy and frustrating. It sucks when you get blamed for the relationship going south when it's over something so stupid. I have a feeling that it won't be the last we hear of them and if we were to jump back in the boat, they'd be throwing us overboard again over something equally trivial. It's a blessing though. It's an ending of something that should have never happened and won't ever be what we deserve. Please don't feel guilty. You didn't do anything wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
SBC Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 In your first line you said it went south all of a sudden, but further down in your paragraph you said "He jumps to stubborn "I am always right" anger all the time" I am thinking this is not sudden, but is how he is, and if you cannot deal with it now, how would you deal with it in full time relationship? Cuz it is not likely he will change too much without recognition of the problem, some introspection and a great deal of effort on his part. In evaluating a potential mate, even in situations such as ours (OW) we have to look at behavior patterns to determine if this is something we could live with on a regular basis. I personally would not find this desirable in a mate. Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 In your first line you said it went south all of a sudden, but further down in your paragraph you said "He jumps to stubborn "I am always right" anger all the time" I am thinking this is not sudden, but is how he is, and if you cannot deal with it now, how would you deal with it in full time relationship? Cuz it is not likely he will change too much without recognition of the problem, some introspection and a great deal of effort on his part. In evaluating a potential mate, even in situations such as ours (OW) we have to look at behavior patterns to determine if this is something we could live with on a regular basis. I personally would not find this desirable in a mate. Agreed. Seems like your saying this is his typical behavior. If not, I would say there would have to be something more to this, than you reading a card that he got and allowed you to read. But, if it isn't anything more than just that.... he sounds like he has about the emotional fortitude of a 4 year old, that is throwing a temper tantrum. I'm sorry your dealing with this. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 I am currently having issues with a 2 year relationship that all of a sudden went sour on a trivial matter but he refuses to think of anything other than "how angry he is" about me reading a card he got her for her bday. He says he still loves me but doesn't want to see me right now and doesn't think we'll be together "in his present state of mind". All I have are text messages to keep in touch with him. He says I destroyed his trust by reading the card even though I'd asked him prior if I could read it. And I told him when I read it. He jumps to stubborn "I am always right" anger all the time and it's so hard to wait out, deal with, not get shattered by. He can't see past his current knee jerk emotion and it's tearing me apart. By reading the card he had for his wife, you blurred the lines between his real life and the life with you. You have heard the phrase...."never the two shall meet"? Well it seems he is trying to keep his two lives from meeting. He is trying to keep one from muddying the other. Typical asshat behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
wannabdone Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 You reading his wifes card merged the reality of his world right now. He can not compartmentalize his wife from you. He will know when he gives wife the card thet you the girlfriend read it. Fantasy shattered. Two worlds blended and intermixed. Uh oh not good. He got scared. oh yes KS... the MF's will go to any lengths to keep those two worlds seperated. My question is...why did he allow her to read it? Link to post Share on other sites
phillyfan Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 I am currently having issues with a 2 year relationship that all of a sudden went sour on a trivial matter but he refuses to think of anything other than "how angry he is" about me reading a card he got her for her bday. He says he still loves me but doesn't want to see me right now and doesn't think we'll be together "in his present state of mind". All I have are text messages to keep in touch with him. He says I destroyed his trust by reading the card even though I'd asked him prior if I could read it. And I told him when I read it. He jumps to stubborn "I am always right" anger all the time and it's so hard to wait out, deal with, not get shattered by. He can't see past his current knee jerk emotion and it's tearing me apart. Dude he aint gona like u steppin outta ur little 'fantasy girl who gives me wat i want' fantasy box - u r steppin in2 his real life by reading his wifes card. He aint gona like that, u have ur place and it aint in his real life. U oversteppd the mark and he hated it. And he is scared sh*tless that u will somehow enter his regular life n risk him losin his wife, n also wantd 2 protect the privste thngs he has between him n his wife, theyre private, he wants 2 keep his affair n his marriage totaly seperate. Now dude, u love him, ud do anythin for him, u put up with all this sh*t 4 him, and he treats u like dogsh*t. Man he knows u aint done nothin bad - HES the one cheatin on his wife, hes puttin all his nasty guilt on u. U CAN DO SO MUCH BETTA. He knows hes bein a pr*ck 2 u but he dont care he likes bein in control n takin all his guilt out on u. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 I am currently having issues with a 2 year relationship that all of a sudden went sour on a trivial matter but he refuses to think of anything other than "how angry he is" about me reading a card he got her for her bday. He says he still loves me but doesn't want to see me right now and doesn't think we'll be together "in his present state of mind". All I have are text messages to keep in touch with him. He says I destroyed his trust by reading the card even though I'd asked him prior if I could read it. And I told him when I read it. He jumps to stubborn "I am always right" anger all the time and it's so hard to wait out, deal with, not get shattered by. He can't see past his current knee jerk emotion and it's tearing me apart. ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) Hang in there girl and no matter how much it hurts, let him have what he wants. I would encourage you to let him go for now. You know what, there are MANY fish in the sea and you really don't need this. Turn these tables girl! Link to post Share on other sites
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