What would you say?

[jthorne]

Out of my entire post, that is what you pulled out of it? Oh geez!

 

Interesting terms often give clues as to who people really are. Same with the response.

Just an observation...

 

PS: Sorry for the TJ, FO.

Edited September 13, 2011 by jthorne

[SBC]

Interesting terms often give clues as to who people really are. Same with the response.

Just an observation...

 

To each his own. Have a good day!

[wannabdone]

There's an easy solution if you are indeed through with him: block him on FB, block his number, block his email.

But your statement that you felt victory that he contacted you, and upset at his silence says that you want to leave the door open.

 

 

That isnt necessarily true. I have blocked my xMM from my email, and fb. It doesn't stop them from creating new accounts that they aren't blocked from. I have decided it does not matter if I block him or not, if he wants to get ahold of me, he will. It is up to me and how I decide to deal with it.

 

Just because TT, responded and stuck to her guns and then got hurt that he stopped responding, doesn't mean anything more than she probably still loves him. For whatever reason, and when that happens, it brings up all of the old feelings and hurts. It doesn't mean she is keeping the door open, etc. My opinion is if she was, she would have left her comments open, which she didn't. This just looks like from my perspective, that she is still grieving, and that is normal.

[SBC]

That isnt necessarily true. I have blocked my xMM from my email, and fb. It doesn't stop them from creating new accounts that they aren't blocked from. I have decided it does not matter if I block him or not, if he wants to get ahold of me, he will. It is up to me and how I decide to deal with it.

 

Just because TT, responded and stuck to her guns and then got hurt that he stopped responding, doesn't mean anything more than she probably still loves him. For whatever reason, and when that happens, it brings up all of the old feelings and hurts. It doesn't mean she is keeping the door open, etc. My opinion is if she was, she would have left her comments open, which she didn't. This just looks like from my perspective, that she is still grieving, and that is normal.

 

I totally agree. I started a thread about this very thing just as you were posting your reply....

[wannabdone]

I totally agree. I started a thread about this very thing just as you were posting your reply....

 

 

lol... I just saw that and posted on it.

[So Very Confused]

Ok...does my rant have to b about xMM?...i'm having a ****ty night and it has nothing to do with xMM?...

 

My narsaccistic abusive mother (FOO issue poster child) is in visiting from OOT...I hate her...she just got finished talking to me about her and her and her and oh yeah her...and how I should have a kinder heart so that I could pretend to be happy in a miserable M...so that we (me, H, and 3 kids) could all b one big happy family...oh yeah...then some more her...and I should stay miserable so everyone else gets what they want...who cares about me...I hate her..."me and your dad stayed married when we shouldn't have or didn't want to bc we said vows at the alter"...blah, blah, and go f*ck yourself mom...that's why I'm so f*cked up!!!...that's why I'm in this situation!!!...strangely enough she knows nothing about xMM or how miserable my M is...so who knows why she pulled this shyte tonight...I'm sure it benefited her in some way...it sucks to not have a mother u can depend on, a H you can't depend on, and no friends bc no one wants to b around my H...life is good!!!

 

There's not too many people I don't hate right now...except my kids...but I guess one day they'll hate me too...unless of course I forego my happiness then everything will b A ok right?...mom thinks so, so must be true...

 

And just to not TJ...I still hate xMM too...and all other men for that matter...I hope xMM rots in hell...again...since he's already there...ha...

 

LinD

 

You can rant about anything you want. I'm sorry you had a bad night. I hope today is better.

 

I can relate to having a mother like that. Mine talks about her, her, her and her some more. Then she'll ask how I am and interrupt to talk some more about her. It's a wonder I'm not in worse shape than I am.

 

I can also relate to hating the xMM and all other men because I think I've said something very similar and thought it a million times in the last few days.

[So Very Confused]

Well....Xmm broke contact yesterday! Sent me a message on FB. Says something about something *I* sent him. I broke down and wrote him back saying I didnt send you anything! I also wrote back to him saying that nothing has changed, we still cant be friends. He changed his tune quickly and he stopped responding. And here I am, again, crying over this POS jerkface.

 

It makes me mad that I responded. What makes it even worse is that I feel like he just contacted me to sniff me out! He just wanted to see if I was still around. I so want to write to him and call him out once and for all. I want him to know he can NEVER have someone like me. He has tried twice ( once in HS and now) and failed!

 

I feel like this whole mess has made me bi-polar. I felt victory that he was contacting me...and I got to say Im moving on from this....to being upset that he's gone silent.

 

When is this ever going to end?

 

(sorry I can't figure out how to quote multiple people)

 

I can relate to this as well. I had a near break down yesterday over a stupid email exchange because he sent a couple of emails and then went silent. Then after I re-grouped, he called from a new number. I feel like a crazy person. On one hand, I'm used to the frequent contact and I want to KNOW he's suffering as much as I am (I guess) so it makes me cry that I don't hear from him. Then when I do hear from him, I get all upset again and feel like I'm starting all over from the beginning.

 

One of these days it won't matter. He will be just another person with words on a screen or on the phone.

[TurningTables]

SBC,WBD and SVC: Thank you for your kind words. I am feeling so much better this morning. Ive had a huge breakthrough! I think Ive gotten over that huge mountain Ive been climbing! I think Im finally starting to be free.

 

 

You guys are going through the worst of it right now, but I promise, something will click and you will take your power back. Its going to come to each of you soon. Just keep walking ahead.

[half_ofa_heart]

(sorry I can't figure out how to quote multiple people)

 

I can relate to this as well. I had a near break down yesterday over a stupid email exchange because he sent a couple of emails and then went silent. Then after I re-grouped, he called from a new number. I feel like a crazy person. On one hand, I'm used to the frequent contact and I want to KNOW he's suffering as much as I am (I guess) so it makes me cry that I don't hear from him. Then when I do hear from him, I get all upset again and feel like I'm starting all over from the beginning.

 

One of these days it won't matter. He will be just another person with words on a screen or on the phone.

 

I can hardly wait for that day to get here

 

I am in the same boat... I almost feel better knowing he is hurting as much as I am but then again, hate the fact that I hurt at all.

 

I too am used to the daily/hourly contact from MM and the withdrawal from that seems to be the hardest to get around. I cry when he doesn't try to contact me and I cry when he does... when will I ever be normal again?

[fooled once]

That isnt necessarily true. I have blocked my xMM from my email, and fb. It doesn't stop them from creating new accounts that they aren't blocked from. I have decided it does not matter if I block him or not, if he wants to get ahold of me, he will. It is up to me and how I decide to deal with it.

 

Just because TT, responded and stuck to her guns and then got hurt that he stopped responding, doesn't mean anything more than she probably still loves him. For whatever reason, and when that happens, it brings up all of the old feelings and hurts. It doesn't mean she is keeping the door open, etc. My opinion is if she was, she would have left her comments open, which she didn't. This just looks like from my perspective, that she is still grieving, and that is normal.

 

So what if an x makes a new FB account. If someone has their profile set to friends only, then the x can't see anything besides the picture. If someone is blocked, they cannot even FIND you on facebook; they cannot see who you post to, they can't see posts from you on friends walls, etc. You do not exist to the person you have blocked.

 

As we see on here; sometimes it takes the smallest thing and the person who wants NC breaks it just to 'say their peace' or "its rude to not respond". And when the person doesn't respond, it sends them back to 'stage 1' almost. So while SOME may think blocking FB or having emails to directly to the trash isn't the answer, it HAS BEEN the answer for many who are having problems with will power.

 

Some people are stronger than others. Some will say NO and mean NO. Some say no and then say maybe. I think people should do what THEY feel is best for them.

[wannabdone]

Hi you...

 

Remember me? I'm the person you loved more than anything, the one you promised to give everything to, the one you swore you would never hurt. Well, I'm quite sure I wasn't the ONLY one you said that too, being that you aren't original at all, and seem to say the same things to her that you do to me.

 

But, I have to tell you..... I feel so, I dunno... weird, I guess. Can't really explain it. I haven't cried, I don't feel anger.... I just am non emotional right now. Which is nice. I can think of you and not get huge waves of emotion one way or another.

 

But, I just wanted to tell you for whatever its worth, I miss you. I don't know why. I will never figure that out. I just do. And I love you, again can't figure that one out. My feelings are more than a little hurt that you don't seem to miss me, i'm not going to lie. I can't imagine that you are feeling a burning or stinging, but your not. You don't chek your email to even see if I have msg'd you. You just really don't care, do you??? That is a hard pill to swallow. You are were you belong, and were you want to be. You never loved me, never wanted me, and you never will.

 

I still want you to hurt. I know I probably shouldn't, but I do. I want you to lose at everything, and lose everything in general. I want you to be penniless, tired, fat and miserable. Oh and I want your wife to get fat too... just throwing that in there for good measure. But more than any of that, I just want you to miss me. I just want to feel like I was worth something in your world.

 

You have hurt me so badly, and you know that and you don't care. You are just heartless. Plain and simple. I would like my thousands of dollars I spent, my dignity, my clarity, my sanity and the last ten years of my life back, please.

 

I hope you rot in hell, your an evil, evil man.

 

Signed,

babydoll #2

[Severely Unamused]

I'm not really in NC and this isn't much of a vent, so I apologise for not following the rules.

 

I wouldn't say anything to any of my xMMs. Either when I went NC years ago, or now. They aren't worth my attention.

 

You can get there.

Edited September 14, 2011 by Severely Unamused
I need a new keyboard.

[lilmiss]

I started a blog about me deciding to walk away after his wife found out. I sent him the link one drunken night, so he has probably read everything I want to say to him.

[all3sides]

I just want to feel like I was worth something in your world.

 

Hey, Jackass -

 

Is that too much to ask?

[wannabdone]

So what if an x makes a new FB account. If someone has their profile set to friends only, then the x can't see anything besides the picture. If someone is blocked, they cannot even FIND you on facebook; they cannot see who you post to, they can't see posts from you on friends walls, etc. You do not exist to the person you have blocked.

 

As we see on here; sometimes it takes the smallest thing and the person who wants NC breaks it just to 'say their peace' or "its rude to not respond". And when the person doesn't respond, it sends them back to 'stage 1' almost. So while SOME may think blocking FB or having emails to directly to the trash isn't the answer, it HAS BEEN the answer for many who are having problems with will power.

 

Some people are stronger than others. Some will say NO and mean NO. Some say no and then say maybe. I think people should do what THEY feel is best for them.

 

 

FO... Youre right about the FB, it does block everyone if you want it to.

 

And I hope you didn't take what I was saying is that how it works for everyone. On the other post about this subject, I put I think its a term I use in my work...VBR....varies by region. What might work for me, might not work for others. Its whats best for that person.

And I totally agree that it only takes one little time, that so happens to be on that one day and that one hour of that day that you are feeling down...and BOOM, sucked back in.

 

I'm not saying I disagree with blocking, if it works for someone...great. Just that there are ways for them to get around it. Evil Bastards. And we have to prepare ourselves for that.

 

But, I totally agree with what your saying.

[issohard]

Dear xMM,

 

I still cannot understand your actions. Yesterday my friend colleague said to me that during the meeting you were keep looking at me all the time like you still had the feelings for me. I cannot understand why you haven't arrange the internal transfer when I was asking you to do so to the point of treating you that I will disclose everything to the company and your wife. You still took a risk and never help me to arrange internal transfer.

I cannot understand that.

 

I also cannot understand why you made me feel that it was all my fault...maybe it was.. Maybe yours was too why it all finished.

 

I have never had such a feelings for my husband I have had for you..

 

Sometimes I hate you, sometimes I still love you and sometimes I don't remember or don't want to remember anything.

 

You never gave me the closure, you never said it's over. I thought I deserve that...

 

I know you still love me and you don't know how much I wish it was enough.

 

You are only married because your wife was pregnant and you took responsibility for that.

 

You love so much your kids and it's the only thing that keeps you in your marriage.

 

And last thing I want to say to you that you are coward because you decided to stay with your fat wife just not to loose your house and financial stability.

 

I guarantee you that one day you wake up and say what the f...k have I done.

[fooled once]

I'm not really in NC and this isn't much of a vent, so I apologise for not following the rules.

 

I wouldn't say anything to any of my xMMs. Either when I went NC years ago, or now. They aren't worth my attention.

 

You can get there.

 

But were you in love with any of the xMM's? Where you content being the mistress? Many of the OW here are hurting and they need to vent. They need to get it out. They need to feel as if ANYONE gives a crap. I want them to know that many of US to give a crap and MANY of us want them to break free of the hold the MM has on them.

 

FO... Youre right about the FB, it does block everyone if you want it to.

 

And I hope you didn't take what I was saying is that how it works for everyone. On the other post about this subject, I put I think its a term I use in my work...VBR....varies by region. What might work for me, might not work for others. Its whats best for that person.

And I totally agree that it only takes one little time, that so happens to be on that one day and that one hour of that day that you are feeling down...and BOOM, sucked back in.

 

I'm not saying I disagree with blocking, if it works for someone...great. Just that there are ways for them to get around it. Evil Bastards. And we have to prepare ourselves for that.

 

But, I totally agree with what your saying.

 

wanna ((hug)) I didn't take what you said negatively; I just want some to remember that NC does work for so many. And the only way around a blocked person is for a stranger to try to friend request you and who friends people they don't know!!

 

Some NEED the NC. They need that time to get themselves back to having 'control' over themselves. They need the break They need the distance. They need their TIME.

 

Sure, when some people are DONE, they are DONE. But many times that isn't the case and I just don't want others to imply they are weak or whatever because you (general you) were able to not do NC. NC isn't a bad thing. And if it works for some, YAY!!! Isn't that what we are all striving for from those that are hurting - balance, perspective and peace?

[Severely Unamused]

But were you in love with any of the xMM's? Where you content being the mistress? Many of the OW here are hurting and they need to vent. They need to get it out. They need to feel as if ANYONE gives a crap. I want them to know that many of US to give a crap and MANY of us want them to break free of the hold the MM has on them.

 

To the first question: Not really, except for one of them maybe. To the second: Yes.

 

I apologise if I seemed crass, fooled. That was not my intention. I can sympathise with anyone that is in pain (as long as they don't use that pain to lash out at others). And if they are willing to make a genuine improvement in their lives, I can understand that.

 

I just wanted these hurting OWs to know that if they work hard enough, they will eventually come to a point where if they don't want their MMs to be worth their attention, than they won't be. Where if they had the full attention of their xMMs, they wouldn't need to vent or say anything.

 

^ I can certainly relate to all of this...in areas beyond that of the OW.

 

I wish them all the best with whatever path they choose. I mean that.

Edited September 15, 2011 by Severely Unamused

[lilmiss]

You know Ive loved the MM for half my life now. Ill probably love him forever. He was my first love and I always go back, but I know he isnt worth my attention. I know Im worth more respect and more love then he can ever give me. Love is a funny thing. It can consume you, it can turn you into someone you hate, but at the end of the day, its something that no matter how much pain, its always worth it.

I wrote a poem when I was first involved with my MM 16 years ago, and it said a minute of love and happiness with him is worth a lifetime of pain. And I still feel them same. But Ive realised I dont just love him for him, I love him for how he makes me feel and for who I am when Im with him. Ive realised in my life I wear many masks, and with him I wear none. Ive never been more raw, more honest, more myself with anyone. But Ive also never been hurt by anyone like he has hurt me.

[wannabdone]

You know Ive loved the MM for half my life now. Ill probably love him forever. He was my first love and I always go back, but I know he isnt worth my attention. I know Im worth more respect and more love then he can ever give me. Love is a funny thing. It can consume you, it can turn you into someone you hate, but at the end of the day, its something that no matter how much pain, its always worth it.

I wrote a poem when I was first involved with my MM 16 years ago, and it said a minute of love and happiness with him is worth a lifetime of pain. And I still feel them same. But Ive realised I dont just love him for him, I love him for how he makes me feel and for who I am when Im with him. Ive realised in my life I wear many masks, and with him I wear none. Ive never been more raw, more honest, more myself with anyone. But Ive also never been hurt by anyone like he has hurt me.

 

 

I completely understand everything you are saying.

 

 

((((hugs)))))

[mzdolphin]

What happened to Steelers?

 

Because we both covered sports and he covers the NFL, I think that's when I miss him the most. We were always talking about the games. Otherwise I think I've said all I need to say to him.

[MissBee]

That is so sad. I think you need to love yourself more than you love him. Love should not be measured by pain.

 

I couldn't agree more.

[lilmiss]

Lots of things we love causes pain. I love my kids, but it hurts me what I am doing to our family. People die, people leave. Love often ends in pain. Its about holding on to the happiness for me.

Ive long accepted the fact I am madly in love with a man who I will never be with. There are so many obstacles in our way,and even if he was 100% available, I would be reluctant to commit because this is how we work. Who knows if we would ever work together? And I do value myself. I valued myself enough to walk away. I valued myself enough to say I cant do this anymore. It doesnt mean I still dont love him.