fwang Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 So this guy and I have been dating for 1 month, exclusive but not serious. He is in Las Vegas now, attending a friend's bachelor party. For the past three days, we haven't talked at all. No message, no call, no facebook. I don't initiate to text him because I don't want to be defined as needy or clingy. And I do trust him. But come on, at least I expect some drunk texts from him... He eve crossed the country to chase me and ask me to be his girlfriend. I didn't want to commit too much so I said let's be exclusive but not serious. Besides, we live 200 miles away from each other. And now the table is turned?Am I wrong on this? Do I expect too much? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 11, 2011 Share Posted September 11, 2011 He is in Las Vegas now, attending a friend's bachelor party. For the past three days, we haven't talked at all. No message, no call, no facebook. No FB to anyone or just to you? I'd say then that you are taking it way too personal. Especially after only a month. But come on, at least I expect some drunk texts from him... Why? . Am I wrong on this? Do I expect too much? I would say, yes. You are wrong and you expect too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 How often do you two typically talk/text? While some guys might not contact (and still be interested) I know I would have sent a text or two...but thats me...so some guys would have, it's hard to say...need a little back ground info on how much you two typically contact each other Link to post Share on other sites
Author fwang Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 No FB to anyone or just to you? I'd say then that you are taking it way too personal. Especially after only a month. His facebook has been checked in twice in the past three days. Don't know if he posted anything on anyone else's wall since we only have 6 friends in common. I don't know American dating culture very well since I am a foreigner here. In my culture, if your date/boyfriend is out of town for days and don't talk to you at all, you should just break it off..... Link to post Share on other sites
Pfiend101 Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 your expecting way too much. If I was in vegas at a bachelor party for my friend for a few days you probably wouldn't get a text from me either. You are reading into it too much. It's only been a month. You initiate if you would like to hear from him. He's just really busy. Rather then post on here just text him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fwang Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 How often do you two typically talk/text? While some guys might not contact (and still be interested) I know I would have sent a text or two...but thats me...so some guys would have, it's hard to say...need a little back ground info on how much you two typically contact each other We seldom talk on the phone. We exchange 2 or 3 pieces of text messages very day. He mentioned that sometimes, my messages were kind of too serious and formal. But when I texted him "wish you could watch the NFL with us. Miss ya!", he didn't even text me back... Instead, he just liked my check-in on facebook. (God, I hate facebook!) Normally, we spend the whole weekend together if we visit each other. Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 We seldom talk on the phone. We exchange 2 or 3 pieces of text messages very day. He mentioned that sometimes, my messages were kind of too serious and formal. But when I texted him "wish you could watch the NFL with us. Miss ya!", he didn't even text me back... Instead, he just liked my check-in on facebook. (God, I hate facebook!) Normally, we spend the whole weekend together if we visit each other. I wouldnt worry too much bout it....at least he liked your facebook post...so while not a really huge term of endearment, shows you are still somewhere in his mind...plus the guys may have made a pack to not contact any of their ladies... Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 So this guy and I have been dating for 1 month, exclusive but not serious. He is in Las Vegas now, attending a friend's bachelor party. For the past three days, we haven't talked at all. No message, no call, no facebook. I don't initiate to text him because I don't want to be defined as needy or clingy. And I do trust him. But come on, at least I expect some drunk texts from him... He eve crossed the country to chase me and ask me to be his girlfriend. I didn't want to commit too much so I said let's be exclusive but not serious. Besides, we live 200 miles away from each other. And now the table is turned?Am I wrong on this? Do I expect too much? I personally don't see anything wrong with someone going off with friends for a long weekend and I don't hear from them. I don't think it's such a big deal - they are probably having a lot of fun. Why don't you go out and have some fun. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 8 yrs ago I didn't have a cell phone or internet in hotel rooms. when I went away for the weekend my GF didn't hear from me until I got home on sunday took my constitutional & shower & maybe not even until after my nap. Guess what? Last summer I was dating someone & I had a cell phone & I still didn't contact her when I went on vaca with the guys. A whole 5 days!!! And this is how it will always be. OP you either don't trust him or you are high maint. Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 OP you either don't trust him or you are high maint. The OP is from a different culture and not use to the "American" way; I'd cut her some slack.... I wouldnt call her either...as I said, in that situation as a guy, I'd probably send a text or two, but that's it....but everyone is different. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fwang Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 The OP is from a different culture and not use to the "American" way; I'd cut her some slack.... I wouldnt call her either...as I said, in that situation as a guy, I'd probably send a text or two, but that's it....but everyone is different. I also think a text or two will be appropriate. Anyway, thanks for your input. Your comments make sense to me. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 The OP is from a different culture and not use to the "American" way; I'd cut her some slack.... I wouldnt call her either...as I said, in that situation as a guy, I'd probably send a text or two, but that's it....but everyone is different. oh. well in that case i'll just shut up. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 oh. well in that case i'll just shut up. LOL! Everyone is different and thats what makes dating exciting but also nerve racking in the beginning ! Link to post Share on other sites
thatone Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 I don't initiate to text him because I don't want to be defined as needy or clingy. And I do trust him. But come on, at least I expect some drunk texts from him... all of these needy/clingy labels are bullsh*t. disregard them. you can expect from others what you give to others. if you want to talk to him, call. if he doesn't answer, leave a message to call you back, he probably will. Link to post Share on other sites
Disenchantedly Yours Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Lets see..Las Vegas. Bachelor Party. Not calling to talk to you for three days. Yes, this is a bad combination. Look, I know it's all new-age and "cool" to tout how "trusting" we are when our mates are a inch way from licking another woman's breasts. But the truth is men that are trust worthy, engage in trust worthy behavior. People don't go to Las Vegas to have clean old fun. Men that go to Las Vegas for bachelor parties 8 times out of 10, are going more then to just gamble and drink. And there is a HUGE guy code where married men, single men and men with gf's alike will allow and encourage behavior among each other that disprespects the women at home that love them. This is importnat: Men that are trust worthy engage in trust worthy behavior. I am going to say it again because it's important to remember: Men that are trust worhty engage in trust worthy behavior. You're boyfriend is not engaging in trust worthy behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 I would expect a quick text at least once a day. That is not too much to ask, at all. It is not clingy. Sure he's having fun, sure you shouldn't expect an hour long convo. But a check-in type text once a day is NOT too much to expect. It's NOT high maintenance to want to at least hear from your boyfriend once per day, even if he is on vacation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author fwang Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 One more thing, when he checked in Las Vegas airport on facebook, I made a comment, "No missing tooth nor tatoo on the face please. " No response at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Dorie Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 A bachelor party is an exceptional thing. This is not a typical weekend away so some slack should be given. If this behavior continued during a weekend in town, that would give me pause. Link to post Share on other sites
sigurpol Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Well, when I was with my g/f, I was in Atlantic City for about three days for a bachelor party. Yea, I texted my g/f every now and again with some funny event.. or something worth saying. She would text me now and again, and I'd respond. I didn't have to put the whole show on hold while I texted or got in touch. If you really got on his case and called and bugged him for a text.. okay, then maybe. Had I sent something to my g/f about, "wishing you were here to watch the game" and didn't hear back, then yea, it kinda stings. But that's me. I really don't understand the whole, YOU'RE ASKING FOR TOO MUCH/BEING CLINGY/HIGH MAINTENANCE. Really? It's a text. It takes about 30 seconds to type, and it sends itself even faster. If that's asking too much, then what's a small favor? Although, I do agree, try to not fret over it too much while he's gone. Link to post Share on other sites
rafallus Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 I would expect a quick text at least once a day. That is not too much to ask, at all. It is not clingy. Sure he's having fun, sure you shouldn't expect an hour long convo. But a check-in type text once a day is NOT too much to expect. It's NOT high maintenance to want to at least hear from your boyfriend once per day, even if he is on vacation. I'm a guy and I agree with this. If he really doesn't contact you at all, AND is on a bachelor party, he's probably having fun with strippers, and you're a last thing on his mind. Kind of expected though, if you went this wishy-washy "exclusive, but not serious" thing. Link to post Share on other sites
oaks Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 So this guy and I have been dating for 1 month, exclusive but not serious. He eve crossed the country to chase me and ask me to be his girlfriend. I didn't want to commit too much so I said let's be exclusive but not serious. Besides, we live 200 miles away from each other. And now the table is turned?Am I wrong on this? Do I expect too much? So, he asked you to be his girlfriend but I'm not sure if you agreed to that because I'm not entirely sure what "exclusive but not serious" means. Maybe your relationship isn't "serious" enough for him to have an obligation to text you or for you to have a reasonable expectation for him to do that. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Lets see..Las Vegas. Bachelor Party. Not calling to talk to you for three days. Yes, this is a bad combination. Look, I know it's all new-age and "cool" to tout how "trusting" we are when our mates are a inch way from licking another woman's breasts. But the truth is men that are trust worthy, engage in trust worthy behavior. People don't go to Las Vegas to have clean old fun. Men that go to Las Vegas for bachelor parties 8 times out of 10, are going more then to just gamble and drink. And there is a HUGE guy code where married men, single men and men with gf's alike will allow and encourage behavior among each other that disprespects the women at home that love them. This is importnat: Men that are trust worthy engage in trust worthy behavior. I am going to say it again because it's important to remember: Men that are trust worhty engage in trust worthy behavior. You're boyfriend is not engaging in trust worthy behavior. 8 out of 10 thats pretty precise. Did you used to be an entertainer in LV What prompted me to respond to this, is that trust and reporting back to base are not the same. Txting back to the gf, 'hi having fun, except for hangover, won $50 on craps last nite, going to Cirque du soleil 2nite, luvya', doesn't suddenly change things as regards how trustworthy the guy is or erase whatever hijinks he might have got up to. I don't see how going to a strip club accounts for why he can't send a txt. Having fun will distract him from worrying about contacting his gf sure, but that does not necessarily mean he's been pinned to a seat by a lapdancer for all his waking hours. OP - feel free to send him a txt if it makes you feel better. Just a quick one to ask him does he have a hangover or did he win some $. Even getting a few words back from him imo does not make a heap of difference. An actual conversation would be better. For me though I think you are making too much of a deal out of this no communication for his 3 days away....but at the same time I can't argue that sending a few txts while he's waiting around somewhere is all that much of a chore. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 So, he asked you to be his girlfriend but I'm not sure if you agreed to that because I'm not entirely sure what "exclusive but not serious" means. Maybe your relationship isn't "serious" enough for him to have an obligation to text you or for you to have a reasonable expectation for him to do that. I agree. I think if I had only been dating a guy for 1 month and viewed us as not serious, I would feel rather needy to expect him to text me while on vacation with his friends. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 So, he asked you to be his girlfriend but I'm not sure if you agreed to that because I'm not entirely sure what "exclusive but not serious" means. Maybe your relationship isn't "serious" enough for him to have an obligation to text you or for you to have a reasonable expectation for him to do that. This was my thought as well. You can't really tell someone that you aren't serious about him and then complain that he doesn't text you everyday while he's on vacation. Link to post Share on other sites
grkBoy Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 So this guy and I have been dating for 1 month, exclusive but not serious. He is in Las Vegas now, attending a friend's bachelor party. For the past three days, we haven't talked at all. No message, no call, no facebook. I don't initiate to text him because I don't want to be defined as needy or clingy. And I do trust him. But come on, at least I expect some drunk texts from him... He eve crossed the country to chase me and ask me to be his girlfriend. I didn't want to commit too much so I said let's be exclusive but not serious. Besides, we live 200 miles away from each other. And now the table is turned?Am I wrong on this? Do I expect too much? I think you're overreacting. He's away on a vacation. I don't think he's banging random women, but you unfortunately are not deep enough with him that he will interrupt his weekend for you. Leave it alone. When you pass the 1-year mark then you can make a stink. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts