Can relationship with newly divorced man make it?

[InLimbo2]

Been reading a bit. Here is the scenario. Me and this guy have been dating for six months. We met online, was supposed to be casual seeing one another and FWB type thing. The chemistry and attraction and connection were like lightening bolts right away. He was just out of a marriage that ended even though he didn't want it to end. I have been single 8 years with a few LTR's thrown in there. The relationship itself was great, we got along great in all respects and had no "issues" really – really enjoyed the time we spent together. We have helped each other through some pretty rough times, stood by one another through things. He admires my dedication to my children although he has none and doesn’t want any of his own. He admires my willingness to stick it out through tough times (his wife didn’t do that, gave up to easy in his eyes). We quickly moved into a exclusive relationship. We are very different people with different lifestyles, but we got along so well and it was just so “right” for both of us. A few times I was way ahead of him and we worked it out by talking it out - my goal is a serious LTR exclusive relationship. He just asked for time to heal and get over his failed marriage - he wasn't ready to be anyone's life partner yet.

 

Six months seems to be a magic number. I was having some insecure feelings and we discussed them and over and over he told me he was not letting me leave and asked if I was pushing him away.

 

He went out of town to a family wedding and it brought back up a lot of feelings over the end of his marriage. While he was away I was house-sitting and found some online flirtings he'd done and told him via phone that we were done. What upset him was that I was leaving him, and w/o any discussion (his wife did that) He still called me when he was on his way back and we talked them over when he got home and stayed together. Knowing what I know now, it was subconscious expression of needing some freedom. Again last week I found something that upset me, I confronted him, he needs to be single for awhile, I blew up - went and exchanged stuff etc. I am a bit of a hothead - he's the quiet contemplative type.

 

He has kept track of me online (away msgs etc), let me know his schedule, and asked mutual friends how I'm doing etc. Asked me for the name of a doc I'd recommended etc. I talked to him Friday night. I told him that if he had no romantic feelings for me at all, that was ok and I'd walk away. But that if he had some romantic feelings for me then that determined where we'd head. He said he couldn't say he didn't, but also couldn't say that I was the love of his life - he was leaning towards I'm not but that could just be from the turmoil of last week (his words). He said he wasn't really interested in chasing other women, just wasn't ready for that level of commitment yet. He has a new motorcycle after wanting one for 20 years and really needs some freedom to indulge in that hobby too – and solo since he’s not experienced enough yet to be comfy with a passenger.

 

I suggested that we see one another next Sunday (will make it 2 weeks since the blowup) for brunch – give us both time to think, talk about what we both want/expect. I suggested that we both have our freedom to explore other options, but date, and see where it takes us. In relating the convo to a mutual friend his words were "we are going to be friends, date occasionally, get to know one another again, work up to sex, and see where it goes with the hope that things work out and if they don’t no one gets hurt”

 

I have taken a look at me and what I did wrong, and a clear picture of where he is at and where the relationship was. I am going to work on me and I admit I still hope that with some freedom and pressure off that he and I will work out since the commitment issue was the only real issue between us.

 

So I am going to play it cool this week until I see him Sunday, I already know what he wants/needs (no commitment/no pressure) and although he will talk about his feelings when asked, he doesn’t relish the idea or look for the chance. So I think Sunday I will just suggest a fun activity and have a fun date day and see if we can recapture the magic that made us want to be together in first place.

 

Since the only real issue was commitment, if I give him time, think it has a chance?

[littlemissomg]

Hi there... I'm afraid I didn't get chance to read all of the post as it's manic Sunday here at the moment! I would say though, as with any relationship, there is no guarantee that it will work out... you can't ask for that before taking the chance. You know whether you have a good or bad feeling here, and you have to decide whether this guy is worth you taking the risk that it won't work out.

 

Good Luck!