DazedAndConfused68 Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 I've been in the friend zone with a girl for awhile. We recently started spending more time together and I'm not sure if she is just trying to remain friends or is playing hard to get. Before we started spending time together, she would call me, since then I seem to be the one who calls her or make plans. We were together a couple of weeks ago and we seemed to enjoy each others company. We flirted, hugged, laughed. I've been trying to play things cool just in case she only wants to be friends. She always would pick up the phone when I call but suddenly she doesn't. The last time we talked, last Tuesday, we had a nice conversation and I told her how much I appreciated that she was actually thinking about my diabetes when I was at her place and said what a "great friend" she was. She said "well, I hope you would do the same for me, because diabetes runs in my family too.." I responded that of course I would. Anyway, I didn't make any plans with her for the coming weekend and usually call her every 4-5 days and she usually answers but again, the past two weeks she didn't answer my call. I don't know if she thinks I'm not interested in her, or if she is upset that I only call her once a week OR if she may have someone else in her life. I tried calling her Sunday night but she didn't answer. She could have been busy, she could have had a guy over or she could be playing hard to get. What do you think and should I wait 2-3 days to call her again or see if she returns my call? If she doesn't return my call in 2-3 days, should I call her? I really enjoy our friendship and would like to see it grow into something more if possible but am wondering if my aloofness is causing her to think I'm not interested. Any suggestions would be appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Well when you tell someone what a "great friend" they are, you pretty much put yourself in the friendzone. When you use terms like "hang out" rather than date, you put yourself in the friendzone. Sorry buddy, but you are squarely locked in. If you tell her now, it'll be World War 3. But thanks to your inaction, you can't stay around either. Not with those monumental feelings you are dragging around. Just wait until she starts dating someone and starts using you as her "My boyfriend makes me so mad, help me feel better so I can go back and have great make-up sex with him"." So you've got a choice. Tell her, and shoot for the stars knowing that your rocket will fail or back away. The worst thing you can do is continue to do nothing at all and let yourself steep deeper into this. Next time, when a girl is actually calling you make sure you don't go all friendly with her. That was her way of saying, "Hey, pal! I'm interested in you! Why don't you ask me on a real date?" It sounds like she tried, she gave clues in womanease that she was interested, and you failed to pick up on them. Many times women do make the first move, but in a sly way that hopefully the man picks up on. Rather than ask directly, they'll do what she did which would hopefully make it obvious that you should ask her out, as in a date and NOT to just "hang out" like friends. But don't worry too much, it takes a life time to even understand roughly 1% of the womanease language. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DazedAndConfused68 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 We've been friends since day one. She introduced me as "a friend" to one of her female friends and told her parents she was going to a movie with "her friend" After things seemed to get a bit interesting last week, I fatally decided to use the "friend" thing on her to possibly make her think about "us" as maybe more than just friends, and decided to not call her for 5 days (Sunday). As I rehash last weekend, I'm starting to think that maybe I totally miss read her signals last Saturday and that all she wants is friendship from me. I do recall last Saturday, she said "I don't want you to think I'm twisting your arm to stay the night" and in the morning while we were in the kitchen I changed her garbage because it was full and she kind of grabbed my wrist for a second, like she didn't want me to do this. It wasn't a wuss move or anything it was simply that her garbage was full and she entertained me all night so it was the least I could do. Yeah...So no I don't think my comment about her being a "great friend" really did any damage, I was just showing appreciation for her being aware and concerned for my diabetes. Anyway, I guess it doesn't really matter because I do think she is seeing someone, which may...or may not explain why she hasn't initiated contact with me lately, unless it was to confirm our plans for last weekend. I guess I'm just allowing the uncertainty of what I said bother me to the point where she is now uninterested in me...I tried a maneuver and it probably backfired...oh well, there are other fish in the sea, although I had hoped to reel this one in, now do I attempt to call her back or wait to see if she calls me...or just move on? Link to post Share on other sites
Casablanca Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Ask her out on a date, make it clear and see what happens... Link to post Share on other sites
mixwell Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I'm afraid in your situation actions speak louder than words, if she were interested in you she would have made the effort to reply back to you and since you're only friends and she hasn't contacted you, you're just making up excuses on what possible causes are the result of her not getting in touch with you. You called her last so the ball is in her court, if she picks up that you're slightly interested and you keep contacting her then you're going to appear desperate so I would (especially being only friends) just leave her alone until she decides to get in contact with you. I think by her actions or lack of actions on her end it should be a clear indication that she's not interested because like I said earlier if she were into you she would make it a point to at least reply back whether it be phone, txt, or email but she hasn't so I would take it as a sign of her not being interested and stop racking your brain on the "what if" scenarios. Link to post Share on other sites
Author DazedAndConfused68 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 (edited) Well, she called me tonight, she is cooking dinner for me Saturday and we are going to watch a movie....I dodged a bullet this time . Maybe flipping the friend thing back at her worked????????? Edited September 14, 2011 by DazedAndConfused68 Adding on Link to post Share on other sites
Author DazedAndConfused68 Posted September 14, 2011 Author Share Posted September 14, 2011 She was at her parents Sunday night and I forgot she can't read the caller ID because she dropped her phone a while back and cracked the screen.... Link to post Share on other sites
WTRanger Posted September 14, 2011 Share Posted September 14, 2011 Well, she called me tonight, she is cooking dinner for me Saturday and we are going to watch a movie....I dodged a bullet this time . Maybe flipping the friend thing back at her worked????????? Only friends actually watch the whole movie together, if you get where I'm going. Either act this time, or forever get stuck in the zone. But don't be all too shocked if you end up with a face full of mace. Link to post Share on other sites
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