Jonnyy's Journal of Coping

[Jonnyy]

So after seeing antinko's coping journal, i decided it would help my progress by making my own. For those of you that dont know my story, here is a brief summary... My junior year in highschool i started dating this girl. It turned out to be fantastic and we fell madly in love with each other. Hardly ever fought and if we did it was very very minor and silly. Towards the end of our senior year, she started hanging out with this other girl and i believe that this other girl she became close friends with has changed her drastically. Her friend then broke up with her bf of about 2 years in the summer, due to her new crush on another guy. Now my gf had just started her first job this summer and at this new job was this guy who was currently engaged and was about 24. My gf started talking to him more and more and saying how cool he was and going out for coffee and stuff after work some days and eventually she developed a crush on this guy. Now keep in mind that part of the reason this guys engagement ended was because he had developed feelings for my gf. Well we worked through it and soon the crush passed. About a week after this, this guy got fired from where they both worked. He then asked her to hangout that night stating that he never got to say goodbye. I gave my gf permission to thinking it was just friendly. This is where everything goes downhill. Her crush came back and had a hard time dealing with who she wanted to be with, him or me. She suggested a break, which i agreed to. The day after the break started, however, she hungout with this guy and held hands. She finally broke up with me about a week later (august 1st) and the day after we broke up, she hung out with that guy, even though we agreed to see each other and talk face to face since she ended it over the phone. I got upset and called her which was a big mistake on my part. The next day we saw each other and went on a walk. We held hands and got ice cream. We then went back to my house where i had kept all her little notes and "coupons" she wrote me. I brought them out and we went through them and i started asking to use the coupons. 1 free hug, 1 free hug/kiss combo, 1 free i love you, which she all did and it was a very emotional time. She had tears down her face. I then used the last one "1 free anything" she asked what i wanted and i said whatever you want and she replied with "i want you" then dove in for a hug and was crying all the while. Our day basically ended there. Although it may seem irrelevant i still liked to put it in here. Later down the road, she had said she didnt mean that, and called it "verbal diarrhea" which i thought was quite ridiculous. I made the mistake of continuing contact with her for a few weeks. I then saw her at a friends grad party wwhere she seemed very distant from me and did not really care for me at all. She later yelled at me over text for "talking **** behind her back". She said all her old friends hate her now because of what i told them. All i did was go to a mutual friend for support after the breakup and only told the situation exactly as it was. She really did yell at me all the time for this and she would not believe me that i wasnt badmouthing her. She told me that she didnt think i understood her need for space. Well as soon as i start giving her space she starts texting me with all these flirty messages and basically just being really playful with me. This was all before i discovered LS so i never even heard of NC. I went along with it and when we were both going to go to a mutual friends going away party i asked her the favor of "could you not be mean to me and me not to you? can we keep the peace while we are there?" She got very upset by this and said it was an attack on her and withdrew from our mutual friends party, my graduation party she told me she was going to attend and got me a gift for, and said we shouldnt talk for awhile. I went along with it and i soon deactivated my fb which she texted me about and i just told her it was for the best. I eventually started to not replying to her texts/messages and she got upset by this.

 

Since we are both going to the same college and living in the same dorm building, its going to be hard to avoid her and her new guy which is constantly here visiting her. But ive been managing very well. Ive had a few setbacks where ive seen them or pictures of them on facebook or just seen them out in public. The girl i fell in love with is no longer there anymore. She has changed into a whole new person and parties/drinks all the time and i miss the girl i dated and had plans on marrying each other. I recently ran into her last week and she said we needed to talk and when we did all she did was yell at me for not talking to her, and because i had talked with her cousin a few times. She kept bringing up minor things from our past to justify the breakup, but they are so insignificant that i know shes just trying to grasp any sort of problem to justify why she broke up with me so suddenly and out of nowhere. The next day though she invited me to go get books with her and i did. I was kind, gentlemen like, and i could feel she felt awkward when we ran into some of my friends that were girls. Im pretty sure she just used me because all her roommates were gone that day. It hurts to see pictures of her on facebook still even though she defriended me as soon as i refriended her because she got so upset about it. The last time i spoke to her was through text last week to wish her luck with her classes. I have my mind set on going NC from here on out.

 

I have started working on myself more than ever now. Ive been running, working out, and hanging out with my new friends. I still sometimes think about her but it doesnt hurt as bad as it use to. Since she jumped so fast into this relationship (although she says they arnt dating even though they do everything that couples do) i feel like it is a rebound to cover up the pain. We had so much together and theres no way she can feel no pain from the breakup even though she ended it. I just deactivated my facebook again, although idk how long for. Right now im just trying my best to live my life. I miss the old____, but i feel she is gone right now. She might come back, but she might not. She is a completely different person and it is so confusing to me. Her infatuation with this guy shes with will soon end and then maybe she will realize how big of a mistake she made, and how poorly she treated me. Idk how long that will take, months, maybe a year, who knows. I know its unhealthy for my healing to keep thinking that her relationship with this guy will end and that she will come back, but i feel its only true. When that time comes i will be built into a better person and be stronger in all assets of life. It will also be me who is in control of our future. I still have feelings for her and i miss her dearly, but i am most certainly making progress toward being fully healed.

 

i plan on posting in this journal everyday to tell how i feel, things that have happened, and to reflect on how im doing in my healing process.

Edited September 12, 2011 by Jonnyy

[Jonnyy]

Today went relatively well. Day one of no facebook definitely helped alot. I saw the girl she is friends with/rooming with that had changed her into this new and undesirable person. She walked past me (going to class i assume) and im pretty sure she saw me cuz we made eye contactand i kinda just did the half smile eyebrow raise to her. She walkked in front of me and immediately took out her phone and called someone. I like to think that she called my ex and for some odd reason, it made me feel so confident, and it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. Idk why but i enjoyed it.

 

I later saw her friend again leaving the elevator in which we exchanged hellos and smiles. It made me feel better too because i would also like to think she is going to tell my ex and i most definitely came across as happy and content which i want my ex to see me as.

 

I have an urge to take pictures with some girls that are friends of mine and post them on facebook just to show that i am moving on too and that i am happy. I feel like that would take a shot at her ego boosts shes been getting.

 

I also read a post on here talking about cheating. My ex most definitely cheated on me emotionally and it kinda made me scared because i still miss her and want her. the post said that a girl who wasnt getting the affection and love from her bf would become more attracted to a guy who did. I feel like that is what happened to me for some reason although i know i gave her so much love and so much affection. It still scares me although because i still have feelings for her and want her to come back to me.

 

Even through all of this i thought about today it was still a very successful day today. I worked out, ran, and saw alot of cute girls at the gym which took my mind off my ex and made me think about my future relationship with someone.

 

I want to start being more social with random girls, but i really dont know how to do it. Ive been kinda shy my whole life but ive been so much more outgoing and social since the breakup. I want to make a goal for myself to start up conversations with random cute girls. I feel like this will help me realize that there are so many other girls out there for me.

 

I still am NC, but am still contemplating whether to reply back if she happens to contact me in future. If and when that happens.

 

Overall today was a good healing day for me and i cant wait to see what these next few days hold for me. Im just praying that i dont see her because everytime i do it sets me back and cause a drop feeling in my stomach. Wish me luck guys!

[Jonnyy]

Today i rarely thought about my ex. When she did pop into my head it was brief and did not cause me the pain and suffering it once used to. Earlier this morning I heard a country song, knee deep by Zach brown band, and for some reason it reminded me of her and caused me a slight relapse. I started to remember going camping with her and her family and such. But what i mainly missed was how much i loved her family. I feel like i could never find a family as great as hers again. Although im sure there are better ones out there, right now i miss hers. This relapse only lasted a little bit and i soon got over it once i had to go to class.

 

Another thing i must note. I feel like ive found a way to help me cope when i may be relapsing. A close friend of mine went through the same exact thing as me at the same time and just thinking about how well he is doing and how positive he always is helps me feel better. My brothers friend also went through a break up where he was engaged with his gf of about 7 years. She ended it out of nowhere and he is doing well now. Knowing that there are people that i know that i can relate to in this situation helps so much.

 

I have still been working out everyday, but im taking a break today because my arms really hurt and are really sore! But i will get back on track tomorrow.

 

Tomorrow will also be 1 week since i last contacted my ex. I contacted her simply to just wish her luck with her college classes and that was all...one text. 1 week of NC is feeling good for me even though it may be minor. I have no intentions of contacting her at all and am still debating wether to reply or not if she contacts me.

 

I have not seen her at all in the whole week of NC and that has helped tremendously. Hopefully this lucky streak continues! I just simply cant wait to run into the girl of my dreams! i want to get back out there, but am still not ready for any sort of relationship because i want to be sure im over my ex before i jump into another relationship because i dont want to end up hurting anyone.

 

Another quick note to all of you LS'ers, if you happen to read my journal, feel free to comment on anything. Im open to advice, input, or opinions of any kind!

[PositiveNegative]

Hey man, just wanted to say that I've just read through your journal! Girl sounds like she really hurt you but you sound like you are doing good! Maybe, I'll throw up a journal too someday. I'm ridiculously thankful for this site, it helps to know we aren't alone. You sound like a good guy, we WILL get what we deserve someday. Keep it up dude, stay positive.

[Jonnyy]

Hey man, just wanted to say that I've just read through your journal! Girl sounds like she really hurt you but you sound like you are doing good! Maybe, I'll throw up a journal too someday. I'm ridiculously thankful for this site, it helps to know we aren't alone. You sound like a good guy, we WILL get what we deserve someday. Keep it up dude, stay positive.

 

 

Thanks man! That really means alot and im very glad someone took the time to read it ha. And yes you should do a journal someday. Ive only been doing it for 3 days but its helped ALOT. Its been a rough journey but im doing my best to get through it:)

[MisterB]

Read it all , seems like you are doing well. Don't answer her if she contacts you , it will most likely be just to see if your still hooked on her. I can almost guarantee you she will come back. Trust me when I tell you this , ignore her and make her realize what she has lost.

[Jonnyy]

First off id like to give a shout out to PositiveNegative. Your post made me smile when i read it and it has helped me very much in how happy ive been. Also, id like to thank MisterB for the advice. Thanks to both of you!

 

Today was a pretty good day. Still no run ins with my ex and im very glad for that. I think i was a little upset this morning thinking about her but based on how i feel now, i dont remember or really care. Riight now i feel so great. Not a care in the world and this is really the first time where i feel im actually getting over her.

 

Something i definitely need to work on: whenever i go out, like to class or just to walk around with friends, i feel like im constantly looking for her. Ive been doing this for awhile now and it needs to stop. Whenever i saw someone who looks like her my stomach used to drop. I no longer get the drop feeling from spotting someone who has the same haircut, but i still need to stop the search all together.

 

I went to talk to an army recruiter today. While i was dating my ex i talked to one but she got very emotional and upset about it saying she didnt want me to leave or join because she would miss me too much. I didnt join just for her because i loved her that much. But now since she broke up with me i have been considering it alot more. Im thinking about joining the reserves for the rest of college, then after college going active duty and going to ranger school. Its like my dream as of right now. Thinking about it makes me think less of her and makes me happy.

 

Its only been 1 week of NC, but i feel great and i feel like ive healed tremendously.

 

If i ever do feel bad and am thinking about her, i just think about her family and it makes me feel better. Her family absolutely loved me and thought i was the greatest guy ever and that makes me feel so good. I have gotten really close with her little brother and when she broke up with me he cried and got really upset with her because he thought i was the coolest guy ever. I miss him alot and just knowing that they cared so much about me makes me happy.

 

Most successful day by far.

Edited September 15, 2011 by Jonnyy

[PositiveNegative]

Hey man, I'm really glad that I made you at least a little bit happy. I got your back, we're in this together.

 

You sound somewhat like me. I also have been walking around campus looking around for her! I still get a weird feeling when I see a girl who has some remote thing similar to my ex though... it could be anything! I saw a girl who was just standing like her and I felt awful. It hasn't been a very good day for me though, but at least it sounds like you are doing well! Keep it up.

[Jonnyy]

Today was an interesting day. I feel like the mornings are my worst times. Every morning i get a little sad and have a tiny setback. I think mainly because im not really talking to anyone and am kinda alone in a sense. But i manage to get through it everyday. Like today, in the shower i was missing my ex alot and all the good times and just was not a good shower to say the least. I got over it soon though which is good.

 

Later in the day i got a text from one of my roommates saying he was "riding in the elevator with my ex, awkward" For some reason that just hit me hard. Like i got the stomach drop feeling and my heart started beating faster and somewhat of an adrenaline rush. Obviously my feelings are not completely gone, although they are getting there. I think little instances like these are good for me because they let me know just how much ive healed based on my reaction.

 

I also saw her today, for a split second only, in the first time in like 2 weeks. she was walking back to the dorms with her roommate, the dreaded girl who changed her. I just kept talking with my friends and inside i kinda hoped she saw me having a good time, smiling, laughing, and being happy and social.

 

Its starting to get more and more difficult to remember my days in regards to when/if i think about her or how i feel about her because i am healing so much and starting to forget about her.

 

My mom texted me today to tell me how she ran into one of my childhood friends who i havnt talked to in a while. He told her that he saw my ex with another guy (he didnt know about the breakup) My mom told him the story and he said that she was wrong for leaving me and that i shouldnt take her back when she comes running back cuz there are so many good girls at my college. It really meant alot to me to hear that, especially coming from someone who i havnt talked to in awhile. It feels good to know that people care about me.

 

Oh i just remembered. I felt bad this morning because i was blaming myself for the breakup. She said she started to lose feelings for me when we had somewhat of an argument on the car ride up to go camping. I was in one of my emotional states (due to stress from my current family problems) and i raised my voice and swore which is something ive never done before. i didnt swear at her but i swore at myself. It was just one of my bad moments. I felt realy bad thinking about that because it made me feel like the breakup was all my fault. Maybe it was idk.

 

I still have feelings for her, although they are dwindling. I miss her and i still want her back. Im still hoping in my heart that she will come back to me, even if that is unhealthhy for my healing process.

 

8 days NC so far, been helping tremendously. I cant wait for the day she contacts me just so i can ignore it. Shes had enough ego boosts. Now its my turn for one.

 

Been thinking alot about how i want my next relationship to be, and what kind of girl i want it to be with. Havnt really been having alot of luck with any girls lately. I need to someone how increase my charm which i think might have taken a dive after the breakup. I know ill find someone eventually, but right now im just putting myself out there, but no one is interested it seems.

 

Something i always take into consideration... "Blessing in Disguise"

[Jonnyy]

Although i usually post at the end of the day, I am making a special post mid day today.

 

The reason for this is because of the way im feeling right now. I am just absolutely amazed at how much progress ive made. I think about her and almost feel nothing anymore. I feel great about myself and who i am. I am being optimistic about future relationships and ive never been better since the breakup. Deactivated my Facebook has helped the most i think. Im so optimistic right now and i just feel so good about myself.

 

I also think part of the reason is because everyone, and i mean EVERYONE, thinks she messed up big time by breaking up with me and have been basically on my side, even though i have not even talked to them about it. They all say she will be running back and that i shouldnt take her back for doing that to me. It feels so good to know that the world is on your side. I would even bet money on it that her whole family thinks she made a big mistake too. I know i should be happy for her but this early in the breakup i feel i have the right to feel indifference toward her.

 

All these days i have been contemplating on if i should reply back to her when she contacts me, but now i really dont even care if she does. I mean itd be nice if she did i guess, but ive decided not to reply to her. If she really wanted me back, she would come to me face to face and say it no matter what. Im done playing her games. Im done looking for her. Im ready to move on more than ever.

 

Although still not wanting a relationship at this moment (i dont want to hurt anyone due to a rebound) I would love to go on a date with a girl and all i need to do is find a nice girl and "click" with her. I see the light at the end of the tunnel, its never been brighter for me.

 

Side note...I still feel really bad about my emotional breakdown/episode on the ride up to go camping that one day. It was uneccessary and i said "im gonna jump out of the car i swear" Still to this day idk why i said that. It was my worst breakdown by far and i feel like thats part of the reason why she started to distance herself from me and the reason for the breakup. Stress is a killer for me. But ive progressed so much that i dont feel i will have another emotional episode like that again. Thinking about this makes me feel really bad because it makes me feel the breakup was all because of me. ****...my good feeling is starting to go away.

 

Any advice guys? I feel terrible about it. I apologized for it right after and explained to her the kind of stress i was under and that i was sorry and she basically was saying how "she doesnt know how long i can do this for" That should have been my first red flag for the breakup. But i made her laugh about everything like right after, like legit laugh out loud. We had a great time camping though and it was wonderful then the day after she told me about her crush.

 

 

 

 

Guys i cant help but blame myself right now for the breakup. I feel i messed up and it was all my fault. I need some support or advice right now please.

Edited September 16, 2011 by Jonnyy

[PositiveNegative]

Hey Jon, damn it sounds like you are having a day like I had two days ago. I was so close to breaking down for the first time in two weeks. the thought of never kissing her again brought me down so much.

 

I assure you though, it's not your fault. Sure, that fight may have been avoided but it wouldn't have changed anything. It would've happened sooner or later. You and I are really alike. On the day she broke up with me my ex called me 3 times, I slept through all of them. I never sleep through calls, the actions that happened afterwards led to us breaking up. I do wonder what would've happened if I did answer those calls. It would've delayed the break up but that's it. Yeah, I admit I would do anything to have one more day with her but it wouldn't have changed the fact that she had been thinking about this for a long time. It sucks man, I know how you feel because I think the same thing about those phone calls. Bottom line though, it was going to happen regardless.

[mehtaad]

Hey Jonnyy, I read your journals and just wanted to say that the fact that you are moving on and healing gives me so much hope for making peace with my break up also. Lucky for my, my ex goes to university back in my hometown so I dont have to potentially run into her for another 8 months!

[Jonnyy]

Emergency entry.

 

This morning i feel terrible. I feel like all my hard work was for nothing and now im back to her constantly on my mind and me missing her and feeling bad about the breakup. This all just came out of no where too. I know the feeling will pass but right now its not the greatest feeling in the world.

 

All i can think about is my ex losing her virginity to that guy. Me and my ex were both virgins and had plans to lose our virginity to each other after we hit the 2 year mark. We came just short of that 2 year mark before she dumped me. Now all i can think about is her losing her virginity to that loser guy shes with now. It hurts really bad. Idk what else to do to help me feel better. Any advice guys?

 

Im also afraid to ever reactivate my facebook. Just thinking about reactivating it gives me a drop stomach feeling. Im so scared to what i might see.

 

Guys i really need your help right now. I just need some advice or someone to tell me its gonna be ok. I need someone to help me feel better.

[mehtaad]

Sex with somebody you love cannot compare to any other sex. I can tell you with great certainty that she probably regrets losing her virginity to that guy. Even though she dumped you, she still had strong feelings for you during your relationship, they cant just be erased.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but everything will be alright. Dont reactivate your facebook for a while. Call up some friends, go out with them. Distract yourself, its the best thing to do! If you just sit there and replay this in your head over and over again, it'll just make you even more sad.

[Jonnyy]

Sex with somebody you love cannot compare to any other sex. I can tell you with great certainty that she probably regrets losing her virginity to that guy. Even though she dumped you, she still had strong feelings for you during your relationship, they cant just be erased.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, but everything will be alright. Dont reactivate your facebook for a while. Call up some friends, go out with them. Distract yourself, its the best thing to do! If you just sit there and replay this in your head over and over again, it'll just make you even more sad.

 

Thanks. Youre right. Except she didnt lose her virginity to him, yet. And thats what im afraid of. But I do feel better and its people like you who help me feel better. Thankyou so much. I needed that more than ever right now.

 

Also this song has helped me feel better for some reason

 

I cant even begin to express how grateful i am for finding this site. Thanks so much LS

[mehtaad]

Oh hey no problem We're all in the same boat here. Its at times like these when you need the support from others the most isnt it?

Music helps me a lot as well. Takes my mind off of my ex and directs it to happier thoughts! And if I hadnt found this site, I would be begging for my ex back, no doubt.

I'm glad you feel better. We're all here for you

[Jonnyy]

I havnt posted in awhile. Not that much has happened and ive been very busy. But i do have some things worth noting...

 

First things first: been a week with no facebook. Its helped alot but i have this urge to go on facebook and just do some investigating; look at pictures of her, look at her posts, all of that. I know that it wont be healthy for me at all but its such a strong urge that i have. I want to know what shes up to but at the same time i dont because i know it will only hurt me. Im dreading the day where i feel im fully healed and i reactivate my facebook and end up seeing something that will totally make me regress back to day one. Any tips on this?

 

Saw her yesterday for the first time in a long time. I was walking into the lobby of the dorms coming back from class and she was leaving to go to a class i assume and as soon as i saw her i took an immediate right turn down the mailbox hallway to avoid her. When i saw her i got that immediate adrenaline rush. Drop stomach feeling, heart beat faster, breathing heavier, the whole works. Im getting sick of getting that feeling just from seeing her. Sometimes i wonder if she feels the same way sometimes, but then i realize she has another guy.

 

Her roommate texted me the other day asking me what movie our little group of friends saw on her birthday (when we were all still together with our gf's) I replied about a half hour after i got it with just the movie title and got no response back. Sometimes i wonder if she texted me just because my ex wanted her to.

 

Overall ive been doing well. I am currently closing in on 2 weeks NC with no attempt of contact from her. Im still so very confused and shocked that someone i shared so much with dumped me out of their life just like that.

 

Although i still sometimes feel pain of the breakup, its usually only when i am alone. Never when i am with friends or family. I am currently talking to one of my new friend's cousin who i have grown to like alot. I havnt even met her in person, but just texting her she seems like such a great person and we have so much in common. Talking to her has helped me alot with coping. Talking to another girl also reminds me that there is someone out there who is so much better for me.

 

What i want in my next relationship is basically myself in girl form. That would be very rare, yet very ideal.

 

I dont miss my ex as much as i used to. There are times where i still do miss her but those times are no where near what they used to be.

 

The road to recovery is a rough one, but i know someday i will be fully healed and thats when my ex's pain shes been hiding with her rebound will surely show

[Jonnyy]

What i have learned thus far...

 

-Life goes on no matter what happens

-You will most certainly go through hardships in life, but what you have to do is make the most of them and learn from these experiences

-There is always someone out there who is better for you

-Sometimes you just have to go through life with the mindset that everything happens for a reason

-Music truly is an amazing medicine

-When you think you're at your lowest, take that opportunity to build yourself back up into someone who is even better than when you were at your highest

-Breakups with someone you truly loved dearly are tough, but if it was meant to be they will soon realize it and accomodate for that

-Friends and family are amazing coping tools

-Its always good to have someone to talk to rather than being alone. Do your best to be with someone in the early stages of a breakup

-My breakup did more good than bad in the sense that i am a person who is better in every single way than my old self

-Its through great hardships that we learn who we truly are and how strong we can be

-Your ex may not care for you anymore, they may not think about you, they may even want you out of their life all together, but its your job to be mature and respect that and live for yourself while you can.

-The pain doesnt last forever

-Everything always gets better, you just gotta believe...Believe in Something

-Love Everyone

-Getting involved with something is a great way to take your mind off things and get you into healing mode

-Sometimes you just gotta let your emotions run their course

-Cutting off all contact with your ex is the BEST thing you can possibly do for healing

-Stay positive, Optimism speeds up the healing process, creates confidence, and builds you into a better person

-I am still young, i have alot of life to live, This is simply a learning experience which i feel everyone should go through, although i dont wish this pain onto anyone, its just a good thing to experience...it truly makes you stronger

-Writing your feelings into a journal or just writing at all lifts a large amount of weight off of your shoulders

-Take your time after a breakup when looking for a new relationship. Be patient so you can find someone that will do more for you than just filling a current empty space.

-For those suffering from a GIGS breakup like myself...You are better off without them at this point in time. You have to let them run their course and realize for themselves that sometimes when you get greedy, you lose everything you have.

-Helping others helps yourself

-Go through your pain and suffering for the amount its worth, but dont make it your everyday personality. Be happy and live life.

 

Hopefully this helps anyone that may read my journal. I may just make a new thread containing this. Take care guys.

[PositiveNegative]

Hey Jon,

 

How you doing? I think there is one more thing we should be thankful for. That our exes did not break up with us during finals! Haha. I've been able to grieve without it affecting my schoolwork too much. I guess the beginning of the semester may be the ideal time for this. Hell, I am just having my first exam tomorrow! Hope you're doing well brother.

[Jonnyy]

Hey Jon,

 

How you doing? I think there is one more thing we should be thankful for. That our exes did not break up with us during finals! Haha. I've been able to grieve without it affecting my schoolwork too much. I guess the beginning of the semester may be the ideal time for this. Hell, I am just having my first exam tomorrow! Hope you're doing well brother.

 

So very true! It would have been so much worse then hahah. Way to look at the positives man! I am doing pretty well and goodluck on that exam. Kill it!

 

 

 

When i first started this journal i posted everyday because it was my only way to cope and get my feelings out and make me feel better. Now i feel like ive been neglecting it, although i feel like that is a good thing because it shows that i am healing, making progress, and not in as much hurt where i need to post everyday.

 

Still no facebook and im very proud of myself for that. I will no doubt someday reactivate it as a means to keep in touch with friends that went their different ways for college and also as a means to stay in touch with newly made friends.

 

Ive been feeling so much more confident about myself lately. It seems as though everytime i go out in public there have been several cute girls that stare at me. Its not a bad stare though, its more like a, "hey hes cute" kind of stare haha and i really dont feel too arrogant. Trust me... I am a very humbled person. But noticing things like this gives me that little confidence boost that helps me get through the day.

 

Increased confidence=increased happiness

 

I have also been able to just start up a convo with a random girl out of nowhere which i never thought in a million years id be able to do. Man oh man, im turning into this better and better person each and every day

 

I feel like my ex's roommate is using me too almost. She talked to me awhile ago (which i believe i posted about) pretty much to ask me if i was talking bad things about my ex behind her back. Which i told her i would never do in a million years. It actually kinda hurt that she actually thought that. Anyways, that was the last time i really heard from her except when she asked me what movie our big group of friends all went to see on her birthday. Other than that she never even acknowledges me when i see her on campus. Not a hi or anything. Shes manipulating me too. But i dont want to cut contact with her because she never broke up with me or anything so NC with her would be pointless.

 

I saw my ex the other day. She was at the 24 year old guys car in front of the dorms. I just looked and smiled to myself. Why? I really dont know, most likely because i know it wont last and its such a silly relationship.

 

My ex's cousin is still contacting me though. She even changed my name in her phone so she could keep talking to me so her cousin wont see. I feel kinda bad talking to her, but at the same time i feel like its my right to talk to her if i want to even if its her cousin.

 

Going home this weekend from college and im actually really happy. I miss my dog!

 

Ive been reading through some GIGS posts and those made me feel better knowing that im not the only one who thinks shes being immature with all her drinking and partying and her "thing" with this guy. But i also read a post that someone wrote and it made me feel even more better. It was basically about our generation is so much different than our elders. They married young and stuck it out whereas now a days these kids cant hold relationships and they get greedy and are constantly looking for more. The posters mom told him that it was tough getting married that early and raising him. That made me feel like i have all the time in the world to find someone new. See, i was the kind of guy that had his whole future planned with his gf and when she left i was left with nowhere to go. But now i feel so much better knowing that getting married at 22 isnt always the best thing to do.

 

Overall, Ive been doing fantastic

[PositiveNegative]

Good to hear you're doing good, as I've been feeling quite today as well and I am also heading home to see the family! You read Mack's post too? Man, that really was a damn good post and also made me feel great when I read it. Haha, we seem to be on the same wavelength on most things.

[Jonnyy]

Good to hear you're doing good, as I've been feeling quite today as well and I am also heading home to see the family! You read Mack's post too? Man, that really was a damn good post and also made me feel great when I read it. Haha, we seem to be on the same wavelength on most things.

 

 

Haha thats so funny how in-sync we are! Its good to hear you've also doing well. Stick together man!

 

 

My activity on the forums has been dwindling. I dont know if it is because i am healing more and i dont need the support as much or if its just because ive been more involved with schoolwork and friends. Either way i am healing.

 

Not much has happened since my last post. I believe im on day 20 of NC. Sometimes i feel the NC isnt working but then after seeing it as a number of how many days its been, i realized its super early in the stages of NC which makes me feel better. It feels like its been so much longer than that. I am also on day 15 of NFB (No Facebook haha). I think thats really been helping alot too.

 

I saw her today. Nothing special, it was just that i saw her leaving the dorms going to class when i was coming back from class. I just got a fresh haircut this past weekend so id like to think i was looking good and she saw me

 

Anyways, I've begun to notice other girls more and more frequently lately. I think thats a sign that im slowly getting over her. Also i just found out my friend who went through the same exact thing as me and whos ex is roommates with my ex, now has a new gf! (Ill start calling him A for short)

He says she seems way better than his ex and is really excited about dating again and starting another relationship. Im really happy for him and it gives me hope.

 

After seeing my ex today, although it didnt generate any drop stomach feeling or physical pain, it hurt just a little bit just because she looked good and because she took really no notice to me at all i dont think. Right now im starting to think about our good times. I miss them still. I believe i always will. But this was good for me, it served as a checkpoint. The pain from seeing her is almost gone! Id say just about another month or two of NC and NFB will do the trick.

 

Each day brings me just a little bit closer to being back to my old, healed self (with many many many improvements of course)

 

Ill try and post more frequently, but right now nothing has really been going on so thats why i havnt been posting really. But trust me, if something happens, i.e. her contacting me, relapse, i will most certainly post.

 

I feel important on this board now, i dont know why but i do. I feel accepted

I only wish i got some PM's...

[Jonnyy]

I figured a nice little update on how today went was necessary based on the events that took place.

 

First things first, my progress has never been more clear. There is this really cute girl in my math class. Basically ive never talked to her and i really want to alot. I had this plan in my head on how to start up a convo with her today but she left early:( So i guess it will have to wait until my next class on thursday. But dont think that class period went unsuccessful. I think i caught her looking at me, yes, looking at me. I turned around to see what some other kid was doing cuz he was kinda making alot of noise and when i turned back around she was looking in the same direction and our eyes met. We held eye contact for what seemed a long time, but was probably only a second. My heart was beating so fast and i thought about her for the rest of the day. I just wish i knew if she was purposely looking at me or if it was a coincidence. I hope it was on purpose.

 

Just the fact that i am this interested in another girl that ive never even talked to proves that my progress is astronomical. If i could start up a relationship with this girl in my math class i would be estatic.

 

Thats where the good part of the day ends. Today we had a fire drill in my dorm tower. Now may i remind you that my ex lives in the same tower. I saw her with that 24 year old guy...AGAIN. Seriously im gonna rant here a little bit but hes here like every ****ing day! Does he not have a life outside of her? He was giving her a piggy back ride back into the building. That hurt a little. It shows playfulness and it cuts deep when i see her doing that with someone else. I think she saw me and i almost feel like she got on his back purposefully to make me jealous or something. I dont think she knows that i saw her though.

 

Recap: Feelings still there, but slowly going away.

 

 

Also guys i would love your insight on this...This guy is here visiting her all the time, do you think that will hurt their relationship? Do you think she might get smothered? Just a discussion starter i guess.

[PositiveNegative]

Honey moon period. Of course she wants to be with him all the time. I certainly wanted to see both of my exes pretty much everyday of the first month that I were with them. I'm sure my ex and her rebound are giggling with each other right now, I still get so mad about it but not nearly as much as two days ago, at least I have yet to see them together. Damn though. You live in the same place as her!? Wow, that must be really difficult. I can't imagine. I live about a mile away from my ex but there is really no reasonable way that I would see her around where I live. I did see her today. She didn't see me but she looked distraught for some reason. That made me feel pretty good as I kept on walking.

 

Good luck with the girl Jon! I have a girl on my mind as well, haven't met her yet but she just has that "look". I pray she doesn't have a boyfriend!

[Jonnyy]

I have a girl on my mind as well, haven't met her yet but she just has that "look". I pray she doesn't have a boyfriend!

 

Seriously this is so weird. I think we have the same mind or something. I literally am thinking the same exact thing. I just hope to god she isnt taken. And i totally felt the same way about the "look."

 

We think the same exact things, at the same exact time. Fate meant for us to be LS breakup buds.