Jonnyy's Journal of Coping

[PositiveNegative]

Haha, we do! I wish I could PM you about all the crap in my life, we probably can relate a lot. The thing is, I almost don't want to know if she has a boyfriend! I find myself thinking about her all the time, it helps me so much. If I found out she had a boyfriend I feel like I would not have a girl to want and that is a scary thought! I don't have a chance to see her again until next week... Anyways, hope you find today to be alright.

 

Your LSBFF,

PositiveNegative

[Jonnyy]

http://www.break.com/index/downtown-disney-flash-mob-proposal-2165512

 

Made closer to tears than i have been in awhile. Tears of joy, just for the guy. I love watching videos like this for some reason. You guys should all watch it, its pretty awesome. I cant wait to be able to have an amazing wedding proposal for my future gf/fiance/wife.

 

In other news. Things have been pretty good. Dont really think that girl in my math class has any interest in me, but theres more fish in the sea right? I just really really hope i find an amazing girl for me. Ive been sorta having this fear of never finding anyone again. Any tips to get over this fear?

 

Also i havnt really been thinking about my ex at all. Really the only time i think about her is when i do a journal entry or happen to see her. By the way, Ive noticed that that guy has literally been here the past 3 or 4 days straight. Im not really upset about it its just more like WTF

 

Although I have been thinking alot about what im gonna do/say when she contacts me/wants me back. Oh the options are endless!

Edited September 30, 2011 by Jonnyy

[Jonnyy]

PostiveNegative, go and see the movie 50/50. Such a great movie and it somewhat relates to us. Gives us hope, at least it gave me a ton of hope.

 

Went out with my friend A again yesterday. It was great, spending time with him is always fun and i wish we went to the same college.

 

I feel like i have a crush on one of my friends that goes to a different college. Shes really cool and after seeing some pictures of her on facebook, I really like her a lot i realize. She did used to like me im pretty sure. Im just kinda scared to think about if she still likes me or not. I hope she does. Im going to go visit her college in a weekend coming up and probably gonna stay in her dorm. Really excited about that.

 

My feelings for my ex are almost gone. This morning was kinda tough because for some reason old memories of us started popping in my head and i couldnt stop it. It made me a little sad. But now im pretty good i think.

 

Last night i started missing my friend who left for basic training in august. Cant wait until he comes back.

 

Its weird, I like miss everyone EXCEPT my ex. Is that normal? Like once in awhile, like this morning, ill think about the good times and miss her a little, but overall i really dont even miss her. I miss all my other friends that i dont see anymore.

 

It was my highschools homecoming this weekend and it just happend to be the same weekend i came home to visit. It really made me miss highschool. Alot. Seeing pictures of homecoming on facebook of all my younger friends made me miss them and miss highschool in general. Wish i could go back, things were simpler then. My journal entries are hardly ever about my ex anymore...wow.

[gandhi]

Hey Jonny, I'm new to the thread but this is a fantastic read for people who want to know for sure there is a better future out there. And I want to reiterate that 50/50 was an amazing movie. I went to watch it alone last night (my heartbreak happened yesterday) and I just wanted to get a good distraction from all of this. I turned off m phone and just sat there and took in the whole movie, and man, it really picked me up.

[PositiveNegative]

Jon, it's all sounding good! Feelings almost gone? That must be a record! Keep it up man, haha I think you are doing a lot better than me, I relapsed again this weekend.

 

I do keep thinking about my crush though, I haven't had the chance to meet her yet but thinking about her and potentially having her gets me really excited. I hope I'm not setting myself up for disappointment but it helps me lose feelings for my ex. So, in my mind it's worth it.

 

Gonna go see that movie tonight, I hope it makes me feel better!

[Jonnyy]

Great to here man! Just stay strong. I still think about my ex every once in awhile and its ok, you cant help it when youve been with someone for so long. Just stay positive, Positive! The movie is kinda sad at some parts but overall i thought it was great! I just cant wait to find a girl that i can be with and that makes me happy again. Hopefully soon. Take care man, we're tough

[Jonnyy]

Gotta post before i forget.

Had a weird dream last night. Ex's new guy was a serial killer. Basically teamed up with my ex to defeat him. Ex pretty much came crying back to me saying she made a huge mistake...If only this could really happen in real life.

[PositiveNegative]

Saw 50/50 last night Jon, it is hopeful and was a very good movie. I think the best thing we can think about in these crappy times is "Hey! We are alive and young! **** yeah!".

 

I had a dream last night that I was on the top of a building that collapsed. The moment I died I woke up, but thought I was actually dead. I get this sleep paralysis thing where I struggle to open my eyes and wake up. Well I did and I am still alive.

 

That being said, the mornings are still the absolute worst for me! I don't know what's wrong with me, it's like starting from square one every single day! Hope your day goes well bud.

[Jonnyy]

An update is most certainly needed. So i have been super close to being practically 100% over my ex. Today i had an exam in my communications class. My ex's cousin is also in that class and we always sit by each other and talk and stuff. She said she doesnt care that my ex doesnt want her talking to me and that she can talk to who she wants. Anyways, she texted me asking me if she could come up to my room and study for the exam. So she gets up here and we basically talked about my ex the whole time. Apparently my ex's dad like loves this new guy which makes no sense to me because i know him and i dont see why he would be alright with her being with a guy so much older. It kinda hurt hearing that her dad likes her new guy. Her cousin also said that she thinks my ex doesnt ever like to go out and have fun. She said she probably sits in her dorm everynight. She also said she goes home like every weekend.

 

This is completely not what i expected. She broke up with me saying "theres so many different people in college" but then all she does is spend all of her time with this guy. I dont understand it. Im so confused. Someone please enlighten me on the situation and give some of their opinions and input.

[Jonnyy]

Its amazing to think that i haven't been on LS in almost 2 months. Its been so long that i should have so much to talk about, but instead im sitting here with nothing to say.

 

Ive been on a roller coaster ride of emotions. Its almost as if i never feel the same 2 days in a row. Today was a relatively good day. Yesterday was a terrible day. I unblocked my ex from facebook last night. Why? I couldnt even tell you my self. My whole body was literally shaking. I shake when i get nervous or stressed or big adrenaline rushes. It hasnt happened since the initial breakup its seems. Right now im missing her...alot. Im still in disbelief how something so perfect could disappear just like that.

 

Being at the same college as her makes it even worse. Only 4 floors separate us in our dorms. Some days its a struggle but others i can survive.

 

There was a point where i thought i was totally over her. I was completely wrong. Im nowhere near that stage yet. I feel like it will take quite some time for me to be able to move on. I remember telling myself when i was with that no matter what happens, as long as i have her ill be the happiest guy in the world.

 

Music still helps me out with coping, but sometimes it does the exact opposite. Depends on the song i guess.

 

Im debating whether to join the Marines or not. Its something that i always thought about doing until i met her. Now that shes gone, i feel that this will be a great opportunity for me. Yet another thing i always told myself was that my main goal in life is to get married and start a family. I feel that if i join the military that it will prevent me from finding someone and reaching that goal in life.

 

My life right now is in such disarray. I have no idea where im going in life and i feel stressed more times than none. Ive forgotten how to cope. It almost feels as if im going through the breakup all over again. Why? Again, i couldnt tell you even if i tried.

 

Each day brings a new emotion. Hopefully tomorrow's is better.

[Marsil]

I hope you are doing well. I read all your posts and I think sometimes we want to go faster in the healing process and we end not healing at all. I think the only advise I could give you is to give yourself time to heal and take as long as you need. Do not push yourself too much in that sense. Sometimes to feel the pain and to accept it as is, is the only thing to do. MY first breakup was bad but I was too proud to let anybody notice I cared. I use to just lock myself in my room whenever I could and be in the dark for all my free time. Then I jumped into another relationship 2 months after and I never gave him a real chance. It was doomed from the start because I rushed my healing process and I was not ready, but at least the relationship never went too far. Then I went crazy for a full year (party, meaningless relationships, drugs, etc) before meeting someone that I really cared about. Now I'm in a much better place. Just take your time and don't go into self destruction like I did.