Amandabanana6 Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 Hey everyone, I thought I would give an update on how I'm doing a year down the road. I know I like reading the updates from people to see how long or short it will take to completely heal. For me it's been a very long process and unfortunately I have to say that I still have some more healing to do. I haven't made any contact with my ex for ~9 months, which is probably my biggest achievement. I know I will not ever contact him either so I'm happy that I am strong enough now in that sense. However I do occasionally look at his facebook page (which is considered breaking no contact) but most times I do it because I'm bored. He is dating someone else and for the most part when I see that I just want to be healed enough to date someone and be happy again. When I look at his pictures I'm not thinking "I want to be with him", I'm thinking "wow we were not good together". But he does look happy and I guess I am jealous of that. I still have a long way to go and it does upset me knowing that. This past year has be difficult and I know sometimes I make it worse for myself. I know that I have to work on myself and become the person I want to be and right now I'm still not happy with me. It's really frustrating. Anyways thanks everyone for reading and goodluck with your own healing. Link to post Share on other sites
ccfan Posted September 12, 2011 Share Posted September 12, 2011 (edited) Hey amanda.. Your timeline and mine are very similar: my ex dumped me sep 28 last year so im really close to the one year mark as well and like you my last contact was around 8-9 months ago when she suggested wé should be the "best of friends ever" and i told her flat out that i cannot be friends with the person i love... no word on either side ever since.. lots of crying on my side i hate to admit. To be honest one would think that after a full year the pain and hurt was going to be completely gone, but has not... sadly. The bad days seem to be less and less but she is always there, in my mind waiting to torment me when i'm weak... oh well... we need to keep taking care of ourselves and to work hard and look good and healthy.. otherwise nothing much we can do about that until the day science discovers a anti-broken heart pill! In my case since it's almost a year of nothing but suffering, so i decided to auto-give me a present so i went out and bought an electronic equipment i always wanted... you should do the same and spoil yourself for the time being, create good memories were there's a lot of pain... this of course will not help you heal faster, but every now and then we deserve a little something. one more thing amanda... why on earth do you still have your ex on FB and look at their profile... THAT IS ABSOLUTELY BREAKING NO CONTACT!! you should eliminate and block immediately... facebook will NEVER let you heal... im serious about this. Edited September 12, 2011 by ccfan Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amandabanana6 Posted September 12, 2011 Author Share Posted September 12, 2011 Hey amanda.. Your timeline and mine are very similar: my ex dumped me sep 28 last year so im really close to the one year mark as well and like you my last contact was around 8-9 months ago when she suggested wé should be the "best of friends ever" and i told her flat out that i cannot be friends with the person i love... no word on either side ever since.. lots of crying on my side i hate to admit. To be honest one would think that after a full year the pain and hurt was going to be completely gone, but has not... sadly. The bad days seem to be less and less but she is always there, in my mind waiting to torment me when i'm weak... oh well... we need to keep taking care of ourselves and to work hard and look good and healthy.. otherwise nothing much we can do about that until the day science discovers a anti-broken heart pill! In my case since it's almost a year of nothing but suffering, so i decided to auto-give me a present so i went out and bought an electronic equipment i always wanted... you should do the same and spoil yourself for the time being, create good memories were there's a lot of pain... this of course will not help you heal faster, but every now and then we deserve a little something. one more thing amanda... why on earth do you still have your ex on FB and look at their profile... THAT IS ABSOLUTELY BREAKING NO CONTACT!! you should eliminate and block immediately... facebook will NEVER let you heal... im serious about this. Hey ccfan thanks for the response. I have deleted my ex from facebook but I can still see his page. I don't know why I look, somedays I am just feeling sorry for myself and I look at his wall. I'm going to promise to stop tho because I know it's one of the big things holding me back. Have you tried seeing anyone new since the breakup? I've been on a few dates since and have enjoyed myself but I'm not sure that I am completely ready for another relationship. For example: One drunk night I ended up making-out with one of my new friends and thought "ah well this will just be for fun". It ended up turning into a friends with benefits thing a couple weeks later when all I really wanted from him was the emotional closeness and not the physical closeness. The entire time I kept telling myself that I'm just going to feel used and lonely afterwards but I kept going back to him when he asked me over. I don't know who I am anymore because before my breakup I would never have friends with benefits. It is completely against my morals... Link to post Share on other sites
ccfan Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Hello there, You should also block him from your contacts so that way you won't be tempted in those weak days.. in my case is even worse as my ex is a host in a horrible tv show and unfortunatelly i accidentally found out at what time is her new show.. and to this day and hopefully forever, i've been strong enough to never put that channel on as it will only hurt and probably send me in tears back to day one... we have to stop feeding the dark side of our brain that wants info on someone that doesnt wanted us in our lives. As for dating people during this year, yes, i've done so meny crazy things.. from sleeping with more than ten girls, trying new relationships and so on.. Not only nothing worked, it also made me feel really bad about it... actually last friday and saturday each day i slept each day with a different girl... and is not one bit glamoruos or anything like that, is actually lonely and it ends up backfiring on me BIG time making me miss her a lot more... so until you are ready to really date dont do it, and the friends with benefit thing you have going on is a recipe for dissaster as someone will start to have feelings for the other person... Stay strong... cut ALL contact with your ex and never ever ever again look at hif FB!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ccfan Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 (edited) Wanna change places? I'll go have crazy random-girl sex and you can do my law school homework? When you become a lawyer (or even sooner than that) you'll have to run away of so many girls chasing you .. believe me on that one Edited September 13, 2011 by ccfan Link to post Share on other sites
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