totally out of circulation what can i do?

[worried woman]

last night i went out with my bf and we met up with another couple we had not seen in quite some time. it was a male friend and his girlfriend, then later another couple we knew showed up at the same place, a local hang out. so total there was three couples including us and one single guy with all of us sitting at the table. i am a shy woman and reserved and i feel i lack conversation skills in a group but i do "ok" one on one.

 

before the other couple arrived, the other girl asked me if i wanted to "shoot", i had no clue as to what she meant so i said what did you say, pretending i did not hear her, then she nodded towards the pool table and asked if i wanted to shoot a game. i said i am not a pool player and it was dropped. my bf in the mean time was gabbing away with the other couples, as i sat there in such a stoney silence, every second that ticked by, i was so aware of my lack of presence, like i was there but i was not there because i was so into my head trying to find something to add to the conversation that as each second ticked by many opportunities were lost to contribute.

 

i sat there almost petrified to say anything because everything that i thought of to say sounded too stupid, too dumb, too lame, then that topic would go by and another one would come and the same process would be begin again. i sat there realizing how badly i was feeling because i had nothing and i mean literally nothing to contribute to these conversations which were just the run of the mill BS. today i am reflecting on this and feeling like such a boob. thankfully everyone was drunk but me, i do not drink, maybe i should, lol. i try to think of what could of been talked about that i knew something about to contribute but nothing comes to my mind.

 

i feel just so dumb, you know? like i do not know how to be out there in the real world among people to talk to. i use to have friendships but not for long now since i moved to this town, i know no one for friends. i do not even know anymore how to go about making one single friend. i talk to people at work but have nothing in common with them to start a friendship with, to hang out with after work. i miss the companionship and friendship of a woman, does that sound corny?

[moimeme]

I can't bear trying to converse with drunks. Don't beat yourself up about it - although certainly it was not worth worrying that you'd say something dumb since they weren't that worried; alcohol generally degrades the level of conversation pretty badly.

 

Most cities have newcomer clubs for women. Check out the 'clubs and courses' section of your local newspaper or community paper. Call the library and ask for names of local women's clubs. Check the phone book under associations, clubs, or societies. Volunteer - there is not a city anywhere that doesn't need volunteers for something.

[worried woman]

thank you for the help, i dearly appreciate it. i have lived here now for a while, no longer considered a newcomber however i do like the volunteering idea and i may check in to that at the hospital here. i understand what you mean about the level of communication among drunks, and i found that pretty humorous. why i should worry about what goes on in a bar around people i rarely see or have very little respect for is beyond me. i should not let that situation get to me. however i am the same in any other environment as well, even if it had been a church group i would of responded the same way, that is the problem. i wish for a magical pill to swallow to make it all go away. does one exist. btw, if you are a mother then happy mothers day to you, if not then pass it along to someone who is.