How to not get frustrated when you can't speak your man's language fluently?

[Anna]

I really like this Russian man I have been seeing on and off for about a month and a half. We have good chemistry, his family really likes me, but sometimes we have a real hard time communicating because he doesn't speak good English and my Russian is quite shabby. I don't think he will ever be motivated enough to learn proper English because he doesn't really need to with the work he does.

 

I, on the other hand, have become OBESSIVE about learning Russian because I want to be able to communicate on a sophisticated level with this person.

 

Sometimes there are things I want to say, but my sentences get all muddled up and he doesn't ahd he thinks I'm saying something else. This really frustrates me because I am so impatient with myself.

 

If nothing serious comes of this relationship I tell myself that at least I will have another language under my belt!

[Tony T]

Yeah, and about the time you get really good at it, the Russians will adopt English as their national language.

 

All kidding aside, I think it would be good for you to learn the Russian language. Enroll in some classes in your area and learn it properly. Be sure he agrees to have patience with you.

 

You must really be very attracted to this man physically because if you are not able to communicate with him in a meaningful way, there is just no way you could know if there is a basis for a long term relationship.

 

Frankly, I would hire an interpreter for a few hours to help you explore this man's personality, goals, intelligence level, attitudes about money, children, religion, open mindedness, forgiveness, consideration, etc. long before making such a major investment in learning his language.

 

Even the cultural differences in your backgrounds can be a major stumbling block to a successful relationship later on.

 

If things got really serious, would he require you to move to Russia? Life really sux there compared to other parts of the world, love or no love.

 

Do a lot of thinking here before you make the committment of learning a language and changing you life in major wass for this man. Who knows, you may meet a Chinese guy next week you may like a lot better.

 

There's more going against this than for it and, despite what people say, love does not conquer all...except for the time you are making it.

[Anna]

The language isn't really a problem because I already speak Polish which is similar to Russian but not quite the same as I'm finding out. I learn really fast and also speak four other foreign languages quite well, so this will just be adding a sixth languages to the ones I already know. I like the challenge, and YES I am VERY attracted to this man physically. I am also attracted to him because I have Russian origins as well.

[Taressa]

You'll find that the more the bond deepens between you the more you will find other ways to communicate as well. For now, however, I know it can be a little frustrating trying to communicate feelings with a grade-school foreign vocabulary.

 

Two things that helped me:

 

1) I visited the international club at our local university and offered to tutor students in english (I was trying to learn spanish so I made this offer to spanish speaking students). We spent 1/2 on english and 1/2 on spanish.

 

2) My greatest help was my boyfriend's 10 year-old niece. I found my vocabulary was slightly less than hers and we did quite a few things together. I had fun AND she taught me a lot of fun words that you just don't get in a classroom.

 

Most of all, Anna, patience. You're working hard to bridge the gap and it will close so slowly you may not even notice your progress.

 

By the way, if your parents and best friends are english-only speakers, you may want to suggest your boyfriend continue improving his english skill. It might be one more way of building a stronger, well-rounded relationship.