proactivedreamer Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I went out with a guy this evening on what I assumed was a friendly outing;however, it is possible that I was not clear about my intentions. We walked, talked, and then suddenly he was trying to kiss me. It didn't happen naturally, and I clearly did not want to kiss him, yet he repeatedly tried to kiss me. I even said "I am not ready!", isn't that a clear enough message to stop trying? It was really awkward as he continually tried. I don't know why? I wasn't acting coy; I was very serious in my intention although I was trying to be nice about it. I feel somewhat violated. I didn't feel like I was in danger, but I don't feel like he was respecting my request. I am so confused about how to be friends with guys when they always get the wrong message. I am not some seductress. I don't even think I was being flirtatious.I just don't understand why he kept trying. It was like he thought I was some how going to change my mind. Has anyone had this happen to them? Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Some questions. You don't have to answer all, just think about them. How well do you know the guy? For how long? Has he ever demonstrated an interest in you? How did he ask you out? What did you guys do? Why did you think he just wanted to be friends? "I am not ready." Is the wrong thing to tell a guy if you don't want to do something with him. A guy will think, she's not ready now, how about later. If you want a guy to stop, tell him "stop" or "no." Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Yes, and I'm just as clueless as you are as to why they kept persisting. Don't know what's going on in their heads ... would probably be frightened if I knew too I've blatantly and firmly told men (after having to push some away) I was not interested in anything sexual/romantic with them and they still didn't get the message. All the while wondering "What the heck", because I *never* sent any signs of being interested in something beyond platonic (as far as I was aware of? Lol). Link to post Share on other sites
madjac74 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Did you have a good time on the date other than the forced kisses? I was on a date where I was making it very clear that I wasn't interested in them and I wasn't having a good time. Yet she tried to kiss me, hug me, flirt endlessly and insist we continue the date at her place. It was so bad that I walked away as she asked me if I wanted to go somewhere else. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Couple of more points. Many men will interpret being alone with them as a sign of interest. If a guy keeps trying. Leave. Unless you want him to try again. Link to post Share on other sites
omkara Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 This is a classic case of "kiss rape." He probably thought if he was persistent enough, you'd give in. I had this happen to me once. Only I didn't put up much of a fight. Link to post Share on other sites
mrgoodcat Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Sounds like you're a tease and a female player....what do they call those....a madame of sorts. Good thing you weren't on a date with me cause I you leaned away I'd y the next best thing, which is to motorboat you. Link to post Share on other sites
mrgoodcat Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 This is a classic case of "kiss rape." He probably thought if he was persistent enough, you'd give in. I had this happen to me once. Only I didn't put up much of a fight. Most guys think that. It can be done playfully, so it's not like going in for a real big kiss with your eyes closed. You just lean closer to her and look in her eyes. Sorta like a python and a bunny staredown. Link to post Share on other sites
omkara Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 ^With a woman that is. I'm a dude. Link to post Share on other sites
mrgoodcat Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 ^^^ Pfff. You put up a fight if a girl leans in to kiss you?????? Bhahahahahaa. Wait.....if she is a fatty, I'd put up one hell of a fight too, but I wouldn't be on a date with a fatty to begin with. Link to post Share on other sites
OnyxSnowfall Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Sounds like you're a tease and a female player....what do they call those....a madame of sorts. Good thing you weren't on a date with me cause I you leaned away I'd y the next best thing, which is to motorboat you. What, pray-tell, does "motorboat" refer to? Link to post Share on other sites
omkara Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 What? No. I said I DIDN'T put up a fight. It was actually quite hilarious. It was in the middle of downtown with tons of people. I walked her to her train, said goodbye and went to walk away, but she spun me around and Frenched me, then hopped on the train just before the doors closed. It was straight out of a movie! I miss High School. Link to post Share on other sites
Author proactivedreamer Posted September 13, 2011 Author Share Posted September 13, 2011 Sounds like you're a tease and a female player....what do they call those....a madame of sorts. Good thing you weren't on a date with me cause I you leaned away I'd y the next best thing, which is to motorboat you. Ok, I tried to refrain from responding to this particular response, but no I am not a tease in any way. I would actually say I come off as rather conservative. I don't think I am all that provocative either. I guess I have a pretty face and I am petite, so I am use to a lot of male attention, but I don't think I have mind blowing sex appeal. I met this guy last week at the bus stop. He asked me for my number; I hesitated, but I decided to be friendly. We texted throughout the week. I asked him if he would like to meet for coffee or tea some time. I did tell him that I am just out of a relationship, but I did not specify that I wasn't looking for another one-my fault clearly. However, I did not feel that I acted as if I wanted anything more than just to talk. I think there are signs if there is something more being communicated, and I did not communicate that I was interested in him in that way. This whole thing jolted me a little, and I felt very uncomfortable. I just wanted to make a friend out of him. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 A man picked you up at a bus stop and then got your phone number. And you think he just wanted to be friends?! Link to post Share on other sites
mrgoodcat Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I just wanted to make a friend out of him. And for that he would be absolutely in the right to motorboat you. No guy wants a girl he asked out on a bus stop to be his "friend". You are a tease, madame, a tease. Did you even consider taking it further once you got to know him better? Link to post Share on other sites
mrgoodcat Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 What? No. I said I DIDN'T put up a fight. It was actually quite hilarious. It was in the middle of downtown with tons of people. I walked her to her train, said goodbye and went to walk away, but she spun me around and Frenched me, then hopped on the train just before the doors closed. It was straight out of a movie! I miss High School. Nooooice! She had to have liked you quite a bit. Link to post Share on other sites
omkara Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Ok, I tried to refrain from responding to this particular response, but no I am not a tease in any way. I would actually say I come off as rather conservative. I don't think I am all that provocative either. I guess I have a pretty face and I am petite, so I am use to a lot of male attention, but I don't think I have mind blowing sex appeal. I met this guy last week at the bus stop. He asked me for my number; I hesitated, but I decided to be friendly. We texted throughout the week. I asked him if he would like to meet for coffee or tea some time. I did tell him that I am just out of a relationship, but I did not specify that I wasn't looking for another one-my fault clearly. However, I did not feel that I acted as if I wanted anything more than just to talk. I think there are signs if there is something more being communicated, and I did not communicate that I was interested in him in that way. This whole thing jolted me a little, and I felt very uncomfortable. I just wanted to make a friend out of him. Refrain a little harder next time. I think we all get where you're coming from, with the exception of one. You don't need to explain yourself. Your personal space, is just that; personal. He had no right to invade without your permission. And he clearly doesn't understand what "no, thank you" means. I obviously wasn't there to observe the event, but I would never accuse you of being a "tease." He was moving kind of fast for a first date. I bet he has a date rape face. Link to post Share on other sites
mrgoodcat Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 What, pray-tell, does "motorboat" refer to? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 OP, you're an experienced woman, or appear to have a goodly amount of social experience with men, if a brief perusal of your past threads is accurate. Resolve from this day forward to accept that no man will ask you for your number or overtly approach you for anything other than to date you. It's a really good rule to follow. Respond as you deem appropriate. The man in your OP was simply doing what any healthy man will want to do when with an attractive woman. Perhaps he was a bit clumsy in this pursuit but IMO he left no ambiguity as to his intentions. Further, he has successfully avoided the 'friend-zone', a prison no healthy man wants nor enjoys. Of course, his approach, due to him not being attractive to you, became a negative and you will have no further contact with him. For him, this is good. He didn't invest any interest or emotion in a woman who saw him merely as a 'friend'. He hopefully has good friends and will continue to invest in them. Win-win, IMO. You learned that effective communication can help avoid such 'misunderstandings' and he is free to pursue a life of peace and tranquility. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Country_Girl Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 Sounds like you're a tease and a female player....what do they call those....a madame of sorts. Good thing you weren't on a date with me cause I you leaned away I'd y the next best thing, which is to motorboat you. She's a tease because she didn't want to kiss him? Whatever. Hanging out with the oposite sex does not guarentee a connection, let alone affection if one isn't feeling it. Wow, motorboating lol, you must be young. 12 perhaps? Link to post Share on other sites
mrgoodcat Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 ^^^ My god, one can't make a sarcastic immature joke anymore? When I was 12, I did not know the term "motorboat" yet. However, kids these days are way ahead of schedule. Link to post Share on other sites
omkara Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I think we're forgetting that she told him she just got out of a relationship, which usually means "let's take things slow." So the guy should've known from the get-go what was up and not have been all up in her grill like, "WHAT BISH KISS ME!" So don't feel sorry for the guy, he just had lousy moves. I wouldve done much better. Just sayin'. Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I think we're forgetting that she told him she just got out of a relationship, which usually means "let's take things slow." So the guy should've known from the get-go what was up and not have been all up in her grill like, "WHAT BISH KISS ME!" So don't feel sorry for the guy, he just had lousy moves. I wouldve done much better. Just sayin'. No sorry, the blame for what happened is placed squarely on her. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 You must remember this A kiss is just a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh. The fundamental things apply As time goes by. And when two lovers woo They still say, "I love you." On that you can rely No matter what the future brings As time goes by. If she had been attracted to him, kissed him, and whispered in his ear 'baby, let's take this slowly', then it *might* have been a dynamic worth investing in. An experienced man would have taken this as an indicator of possible sincere interest on her part and couched it within the context of her just ending a relationship. If other, IME, the man becomes merely a placeholder attention providing 'friend' to satisfy her needs until a 'real man' comes along. I've yet to see an exception in my 52 but do acknowledge it's possible they exist. Aggressive men are competing for her attention from prior to her relationship ending so the polite and docile and understanding man will become but a distant brotherly memory as her loins are stirred by the man who knows what he wants and goes after it and doesn't waste his time if she's not interested in romance. Link to post Share on other sites
omkara Posted September 13, 2011 Share Posted September 13, 2011 I don't really care anymore. You're right. But had that been me, I would've planted a seed and waited for it to grow before going all kissy face. Some men have no class. Link to post Share on other sites
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