spoke to ex on fb chat

[Dblock10]

Well it happened. I saw her name pop up on fb yesterday before work and that would be twice iv'e seen her online ever since 6 weeks ago and 6 weeks of no communication. so i broke no contact as i can pretty much assume that if i didn't, i wouldn't hear from her again before she leaves to travel in 9 days and would i hear from her whilst travelling?... doubt it.

 

i felt bad ish for breaking it since i was doing well. but at the same time i felt like i needed to get this off my chest.

 

i said just said hello, just to see what she would say or even if she would reply, and she replied with hello how are you... my heart was racing, then the convo got rolling. i said i was good and that i hadnt heard from her in ages...

 

she said she is sorry she has been busy working and has only had the weekend just gone, off. and that she was at work right now.

 

she asked what had i been up to i told her, busy working and that my nan died so dealing with that.

 

she said oh! thats awful how are u doing

 

i told her how i was surprised that i had not heard from her. she said she hadn't heard and that she had only been on face book at work on her phone.

 

i said it was a couple of my fb statues for a while and thought that she might have assumed it anyway since i drove to the hospital to say goodbye to her the last time i saw you that day.

 

she said sorry and that she thought that i would have let her know. and she said "you can still ring me to talk to me if you want to"

 

i said

 

well you must have known and if you cared you would have said something

 

she then said

 

im really sorry i do care ive just been very busy and haven't checked your fb wall. how are you?

 

then i went offline as i didnt know what else to say and that conversation didn't seem like it was going anywhere.

 

 

 

i think if she cared, she would have called me last night to make sure i was doing ok. she didn't. and i doubt i'll hear from her again. that conversation with her wouldn't have even existed hadn't i initiated the contact.

 

i think if she truly cared she would have txt me the day or day after i went to see my nan in hospital asking me if everything was ok. she didn't. so even if she did not see the face book statues.... is irrelevant right?

 

her saying i thought you would of told me is her turning it around on me. if i was in her position i would have txt her that day or the next asking if everything was ok.

 

in fact her nan was ill and i did the same. i txt to ask if she got there ok and asked how her nan was.

 

she basically said she's been too busy to care. i know for a fact she had 2 days off to see her best mate before she goes. i know she also had the weekend off for her mates birthday party.

 

i feel like i don't know this girl anymore. She just doesn't care. and yet she makes out she does which is frustrating. its like she cant admit to being wrong. like sorry i should have asked you sooner how she was, i was just so busy and its bad of me.

 

but nope. just "i thought you would have said something"

 

really.... "oh hey, ive not heard or spoke to you in a couple of weeks, but my nan died."

Edited September 13, 2011 by Dblock10

[Heartache3]

Hey Dblock, I've been following your story for a while and I can 100% RELATE to your eagerness to break NC. I have broken it a few with my ex for the last 7 months feeling the same way you did. And you know, sometimes we have to get a reality check before we can truly heal. In your case, you felt incredibly uneasy these last 6 weeks, so I think contacting her this one time might be a blessing in disguise. Now you are aware that she has been busy and has learned to live her life without you. I know that's a hard pill to swallow, but believe me mate, I relate to you. My ex got a job soon after she broke it off with me and joined martial arts with her ex, and claimed she was too busy all the time. She's still like that to this day.

 

Perhaps you're right, if she really cared about you she would have been there for you during those tough times in your life (such as your nan dying, which by the way I am very sorry that happened to you ). But look at it this way, if she did contact you and support you, you would feel good that she did at first... but after it's all said and done, reality would hit you in the face again. She still would be your ex, she would carry on with her life, and you would probably be in more hurt that left as soon as she came. It's not like she ignored you on purpose, mate.... they just don't see a need to talk to you anymore. I mean, my ex is Japanese and we broke up literally a week before the disaster hit in Japan (in early March). I was incredibly concerned about her family there, and I thought if she really cared she would have contacted me to tell me how her family was. I was very close to them, after all. I didn't hear a darn thing until later, when she initiated contact much later. I found out they were okay but it angered me that she didn't think of me, who really got to know them.

 

I just want to say, Dblock, this was a good thing that it happened this way. You needed this. Now that you know where she stands, you can move on and heal the way you should. Sometimes we have to learn from mistakes like these. You got this mate, I believe in you!

Edited September 13, 2011 by Heartache3

[Dblock10]

hey yeah i know she has been busy with work. but what i am saying is, if you care about someone it doesnt matter how busy you are. sending a txt or email takes seconds to do. even if its, hello is everything ok. so IF she WANTED to she would have.

 

and like i say. she had time off work to see her friend. she had time off work to get so pissed at the weekend she lost valuables.

 

i think i did need to break nc on this occasion i don't regret doing it. i know what you mean about had she stayed in contact etc etc etc, but fact remains it would have been "nicer" for her to do so, regardless of the facts that she's my ex. she didn't ignore me on purpose sure. but she also didn't care enough out of her own free will to check if i was ok. or to do anything when she new full well i had gone to the hospital that day i left hers.

 

like i say, hadn't i initiated that conversation on fb, that convo wouldn't even exist.

 

the reason i hadnt spoke to her for that long was because i felt she didnt truely care and that if anything the ball was in her court, from how it all happened and how it finished. there must be a reason i hadnt heard from her, and it was a lame, sorry been to busy. and yeah your right, she probably just didnt feel a need to talk to me.

 

 

i would have told her about my nan. but because i hadnt heard from her in a while i felt what was the point? i also knew and know she is leaving soon anyway. so if i didnt hear from her now, i wouldnt hear from her whilst she's gone. i would be impressed if she could even remember my name once she sets off.

 

so i didnt want to feel like i was waiting for her to contact me and then for me to tell her etc. just wanted to get it off my chest i guess.

 

and if she truely cares like she says she does. i would hear from her before she leaves and she would say to me that she was sorry she didnt ask sooner about how my nan was etc etc . but again doubt thats going to happen.

 

i need to move on with my life and forget her. i doubt she is ever coming back to "me". she isnt good enough, if she did she would need to start caring.

 

but i guess she sounded genuinely sorry. so thats good. but either way, it doesn't and wont change how things are between us. its very sad. i miss her. wish she wasnt going and that things could be different. but thats not life

Edited September 13, 2011 by Dblock10