Don't you HATE being ignored? Argh!

[oopsydaisy]

I broke up with the guy I'd been seeing for a couple months 2 weeks ago. He just wasn't going to get more serious, and I was sick of the stress of being patient. I started to feel guilty about it and asked to meet for coffee. No response. Then I decided in leiu of having to meet I could just apologize by email-- he'd asked me to be patient, he knew he was avoidant, he was slow, etc, and I'd told him I would, but a week later, no change in behavior I just decided it was too much in my life right now. I felt rotten for promising something and not waiting it out, and sad that I didn't have it in me to work through someone's commitment issues. I wish I did, he is great.

 

No replies for any of it.

 

Of course, I know it shouldn't bother me, and he has no responsbility to me, but I hate being ignored. He knows it was the thing in our relationship that bothered me the most.

 

He was the one who was firm he couldn't give me more and admitted that he didn't think it could get more serious when I did break up with him, so I don't think it's game playing.

 

It just makes me feel like a non-person, like I don't warrant respect or consideration. I did ask him to please just acknoweldge the text because I hated the limbo, and because it did make me a bit hopeful he was just thinking. Nada.

 

ps please don't beat me up. I know. I screwed up. But I just need some support that other people get hurt by being ignored, too.

[radiodarcy]

i know just what you mean. he used to ignore me off and on all the time. and when i said anything about it he would get upset and say he was busy, etc.

 

but let me ignore him and he would be sure to notice. it was like i couldn't possibly be too busy to ignore him

 

i guess the only thing you can do is just leave him alone. try not to analyze why or take it too personally. it's hard not to. believe me i know it is. but the more you let it drive you crazy the longer the time is going to feel.

 

just concentrate on yourself. if he wants to touch base with you he will. but in you continuing to contact him you're giving him all the power; which he's just going to lord over you; because - - well - - he can.

[Queen of Hearts 10]

My Ex is passive aggressive. It's the worst ! I hate being ignored~~~~!!

 

What are they thinking to cut all communication. Well they withdraw they are

cowards with no backbone. They can't make decisions about anything I think they will move on to the next care giver women to help them along the way.

 

I tried no contact for 2 months but it did nothing. What do you recommend ?

[BlindRage]

But... YOU dumped him. I don't want to sound bad but why don't you move on. Don't seek someone who you left, you lost that privilege the second you decided to end it with your ex.

[Nohbody]

Get over yourself.

[Sexy T]

I absolutely hate being ignored. It was the one thing that drove me crazy about my previous bf and it still does. I did the exact same thing, broke up with him (via email) cuz we are l.d. probably three x's or so... He would eventually respond, once I gave up and give me the whole busy story or this is how l.d. relationships are, which was b.s.

 

Even last night, too much to drink during the game, so I emailed him some pretty harsh words. Got an email this morning pretty much saying he doesn't aprreciate being threatened, lol (i did not) and asking what my problem is? He is the problem. Making me crazy!

[Jonnyy]

I absolutely hate being ignored. It was the one thing that drove me crazy about my previous bf and it still does. I did the exact same thing, broke up with him (via email) cuz we are l.d. probably three x's or so... He would eventually respond, once I gave up and give me the whole busy story or this is how l.d. relationships are, which was b.s.

 

Even last night, too much to drink during the game, so I emailed him some pretty harsh words. Got an email this morning pretty much saying he doesn't aprreciate being threatened, lol (i did not) and asking what my problem is? He is the problem. Making me crazy!

 

 

You broke up with him. What he's doing is NC and sticking to it rather well. You are upset that he wont reply because you lost all control you thought you had over him. When you dump someone, it causes them alot of hurt, they need time away from you. He doesnt want to be led on.

[Good Arms]

This thread is quite weird. A couple of people who dumped their exes and yet still have the nerve to complain that they don't get attention. As Nohbody said, get over yourselves.

 

Have you tried to think how they are feeling, having been dumped??? Believe me, it's the worst pain in the world. For the dumpee sticking to NC is definitely the best thing, so why torture them by keeping in contact?

 

If you had valid reasons for breaking up with them, then you've got what you wanted, you've ended something you felt wasn't working. Let them go from your life, and let them heal. They owe you nothing.

[oopsydaisy]

Hey johhny, blindrage, and nobody

 

appreciate that you replied, but just as a heads up--

when someone acknowledges that they screwed up, and asks for no abuse, please respect it.

 

I'm a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Being ignored when reaching out is a trigger for me. It brings up feeling of powerlessness and fear. I just came looking for validation that it is hard, not a lecture that I cause it. Well aware I did, though, again, I think there were other factors.

 

Thanks for sticking on topic. I'm going to give you all the benefit of the doubt and assume you are dumpees coming from a place of hurt. I've been there.

 

But, just as a heads up on forums, please try and be respectful to posters. If you can't just move along.

 

thanks!

[CopingGal]

I broke up with my boyfriend because he ignored me. He ignored me every weekend from Fri- Sun night, telling me that was his son's time. then he started ignoring my phone calls almost every day. So I left him.

[CopingGal]

Somtimes the dumper is not the mean one. I had to break up with my boyfriend. The way he was treating me was making me physically ill. He had no sympathy for me afterwards and refused to apologize. Sometimes people make it so that you have no choice but to dump them.

[Good Arms]

I can totally understand that. In both your cases, you sound like you had valid reasons for ending the relationships. CopingGal, with the specific details you gave of his behaviour, then I can completely sympathise with you, this coming from a hurt dumpee's perspective.

 

But, though it may cause you pain, oopsy - and I'm sorry to hear you were abused - as you say your ex no longer has responsibility to you. Ignoring you during the relationship would be totally wrong, but now he's perfectly entitled to, for his own moving forward. I know you already know that and don't need lectures.

 

So I'd like to change the tone of my earlier post, having re-read your original post, though the chain of events still somewhat confuses me. I can imagine feeling someone wasn't committed enough can feel like rejection in itself, even if you end up doing the dumping. Anyway, I guess I'm not the kind of person who's in a position to give any advice or support, so I'll just say good luck.

[Eddie Edirol]

Hey johhny, blindrage, and nobody

 

appreciate that you replied, but just as a heads up--

when someone acknowledges that they screwed up, and asks for no abuse, please respect it.

 

I'm a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Being ignored when reaching out is a trigger for me. It brings up feeling of powerlessness and fear. I just came looking for validation that it is hard, not a lecture that I cause it. Well aware I did, though, again, I think there were other factors.

 

Thanks for sticking on topic. I'm going to give you all the benefit of the doubt and assume you are dumpees coming from a place of hurt. I've been there.

 

But, just as a heads up on forums, please try and be respectful to posters. If you can't just move along.

 

thanks!

 

1) first of all this is a public board, you have to be prepared for anything, you have no place to make any demands, this board isnt yours. And in this instance, you really should be ashamed of yourself...you really should be flogged for this behavior of yours.

 

2.) You can hang on to your childhood abuse all you want, but as long as you dont see that it is holding back any personal progress, since you like to use it as an excuse, youre going to keep letting this get to you.

 

Your ex doesnt owe you anything since you broke your promise. Your hurt from being ignored is just your ego, youre upset that he doesnt need you. Youre upset that you were emotionally invested and he wasnt. You tried to play the strongarm game by cutting him off, then trying to claim youre having second thoughts to get him back, he threw it back in your face, and you are hurt that you lost the game. When you play games with other people, you always lose. Youre just another girl trying to give ultimatums to get your guy to commit, and youre mad that it didnt work. You gave him an out to get away from you.

 

But there could be a bright side, maybe he will miss you and rethink your relationship, and if he doesnt, well you dodged a bullet. You dont want to force someone to commit to you when they arent that into you, that is truly foolish. When you saw that you werent on the same page from the beginning, you should have bailed on him right then.

[Queen of Hearts 10]

Welcome to the Women get bashed from the guys on threads !

 

The next time I post I will ask for only female responses !

 

Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars ! IT NEEDS TO STOP !

 

Queen of Hearts 10

[wilsonx]

Hey johhny, blindrage, and nobody

 

appreciate that you replied, but just as a heads up--

when someone acknowledges that they screwed up, and asks for no abuse, please respect it.

 

I'm a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Being ignored when reaching out is a trigger for me. It brings up feeling of powerlessness and fear. I just came looking for validation that it is hard, not a lecture that I cause it. Well aware I did, though, again, I think there were other factors.

 

Thanks for sticking on topic. I'm going to give you all the benefit of the doubt and assume you are dumpees coming from a place of hurt. I've been there.

 

But, just as a heads up on forums, please try and be respectful to posters. If you can't just move along.

 

thanks!

 

I did not see any abuse in this thread. I know all about abandonment triggers and the constant push pull of being in relationship with someone that had your upbringing. What you have to learn to respect is OUR RIGHT to ignore you after you terminating the friendship/relationship.

Even now after the relationship is over all you think about is "YOU" not your ex. You are playing the victim card. I was abused. It's not your ex's fault but he is hurting now because of it. You are a hurt person entering relationships. Hurt people hurt people, that's a fact.

 

For someone to get over being in a relationship with someone like you takes a lot of mental strength on their own part. Not only do we have to ignore you, we have to do our best to forget about you. Ignoring you is the best way to move on. That's the way it is.

[Good Arms]

Welcome to the Women get bashed from the guys on threads !

 

The next time I post I will ask for only female responses !

 

I see no gender bashing in any of the responses here. Speaking for myself, I would never generalise between the sexes, there are good and bad, sensitive and insensitive men and women. Both can be dumpees or dumpers.

 

From what I've seen you were dumped, so your issue with being ignored is very different to the OP's, and therefore any of the "bashing" (if you judge it to be so) is surely not at all aimed at you anyway?

[radiodarcy]

i agree with GoodArms. i don't think is a male vs. female issue (i see enough of that on the Dating forum) it's a dumper vs. dumpee issue.

 

i've never dumped anyone - - what brought me here was being dumped

 

but according to the OP they had only been dating a few months and the dumpee had already started to distance himself emotionally and refused to respond to her efforts to discuss further. i would have dumped him too.

 

was it a good idea for her to continue to reach out after she dumped him? no. that's flat out unfair. but she did admit she made a mistake and requested that we not judge her. so - - i took that into consideration in my response and didn't comment.

 

that being said, it's not the obligation of everyone who posts to do the same. unfortunately that's the risk you take in posting to a public board as Eddie pointed out.

Edited September 14, 2011 by radiodarcy

[Besmy]

Gosh, you reinforce my theory in my latest thread on INDIFFERENCE.

 

Yeah, indifference is a killer.

[Nohbody]

I'm going to give you all the benefit of the doubt and assume you are dumpees coming from a place of hurt.

 

 

Well, that sure is sweet of you. I reiterate.

[Graceful]

You consider these innocuous little remarks abusive? Really?

 

Frankly, I find your remarks to these well-regarded posters very patronizing.

 

I hope that's hyperbole on your part. They're just casual remarks from a few strangers on the internet. Considering you're telling us that you're a victim of *real* abuse, it's a little ironic that you're calling a few off-hand remarks abusive. Sort of takes away some of your credibility.

 

As for your original post -- you're not being ignored. You're being given a clear indication that you did the right thing in breaking off. Consider that validation, not being ignored. A healthy person would see it that way.

 

You think you screwed up? I don't see it that way at all. How did you screw up by standing up for yourself and getting off an emotional merry-go-round? Your only mistake is that you didn't do it sooner.

 

Take care and have a nice day.

 

Hey johhny, blindrage, and nobody

 

appreciate that you replied, but just as a heads up--

when someone acknowledges that they screwed up, and asks for no abuse, please respect it.

 

I'm a victim of childhood sexual abuse. Being ignored when reaching out is a trigger for me. It brings up feeling of powerlessness and fear. I just came looking for validation that it is hard, not a lecture that I cause it. Well aware I did, though, again, I think there were other factors.

 

Thanks for sticking on topic. I'm going to give you all the benefit of the doubt and assume you are dumpees coming from a place of hurt. I've been there.

 

But, just as a heads up on forums, please try and be respectful to posters. If you can't just move along.

 

thanks!

Edited September 14, 2011 by Graceful