boschy Posted May 9, 2004 Share Posted May 9, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=olive][/color] hello all. i am very new to this forum. i am desperately looking to help myself with this new guy that i have been seeing for a week. i am very scared of dating him because a strong part of me is telling me that this would not good relationship and that he is not for me. he was the one that was pursuing me for some time and even when i was saying "no", he was still pursuing me for a date. he is 22 and i am 30. there are outward parts of his personality that he shares with me that i cannot really relate to much to. but at the same time, he alludes to me that he is much more serious than he exhibits, but has not really shared this with me because we just started seeing each other. i have told him that i want to know him and not the partying aspect of him. the other part is that shamefully, i have started obsessing over him and i am very much am trying to focus on my work, knowing that this is cannot be, in an any way, a good thing. i do not know why, and i have read some of the the past threads here. i often wonder what he is doing and where he is. i imagine horrible scenarios of him cheating or behaving badly and i oftentimes end up in a vicious circle of thoughts and feeling horrible about myself. am i nuts? the last part, i have not dated in 2 years, because of a traumatic breakup. and now, these feelings from that breakup are overwhelming me, because i feel that i need to end this. i don't know if i am so scared of dating that this is clouding my judgement, or if my gut feeling is correct. i admit that i am terrified of idea of dating him because he is younger and on a different wavelength than he (to which i admitted to him and he said that that could be a good thing). am i so rigid and afraid that i have not allowed myself to just enjoy his company. perhaps i am subconsciously trying to find any evidence to leave, but then again, why do i not leave? need help! and sorry for this short novel. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Hello and welcome. Firstly, it's wise to take things slowly with someone new...especially given the age difference and so on...it may be a great thing for you both...but it's way too soon to tell. It's also hard to know if your judgement is being clouded by your fears or not...it's possible, then again, your gut could be spot on. Give it a little time...don't rush anything, but don't run away immediately out of fear either. Obsessing is awful. I know. Read a few of my threads on here...LOL! It's probably being triggered by past hurts and the breakup, and meeting this guy and so on. Try and not let it get a grip on you though. Keep perspective if possible, and pull back from it, and detach a bit if you can. Keep your life balanced with other things, so the anxieties don't consume you..and breathe! Just do your best to calm down...tread slowly and carefully for a little while...and then see how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
Author boschy Posted May 10, 2004 Author Share Posted May 10, 2004 thanks thinkalot i very much appreciate what you said. i am just very much trying to keep things in perspective, and not allowing my fears to override what could potentially be a good situation. i suppose that i have had a string of bad relationships that i have allowed to mark me, and i promised myself that i would no longer do that. and here i am doing it once more...so no matter what, if whether this does turn into something or not, i can walk away knowing that i can date with little more ease. Link to post Share on other sites
capitald Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Personally I think that the ages are too far apart, twenty two in today's world means your usually just a baby to the world. Personally I think you would be better fishing in the 28-35 crowd. Link to post Share on other sites
Thinkalot Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Age all depends on the individuals involved. Some 22 year olds are very mature, while others are not. Link to post Share on other sites
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