Huge urge to cheat on my girlfriend

[adict2lust20]

So, with a title like that it is pretty clear what I am contemplating is wrong. This is not so much about the morality as it is about how to handle the situation.

 

I am a pretty smart and down to earth guy, but often I get controlled by my hormones. And while this is usually limited to masturbating, recently the urge to mess around with other girls has been creeping on me.

 

A huge part of this is the childish but undeniable sense of entitlement I feel. I was very young when I became sexually aware, but was also pretty awkward and weird. Throughout high school I became increasingly attractive(and am now a male model). I dated a few girls through this transformation, just making out with one, nothing with another, and everything but sex with one. Around the time I met my current gf there was another girl who wanted me, and I made out with her ect. but settled down extremely serious and devoutly to my gf.

 

It's been years now and while I love her, and yes I do love her despite what a scumbag I am, I cannot shake the childish thought that I deserve more intimate encounters with women due to my unideal circumstances from youth. It's to the point that every girl I see who is attractive I consider cheating with. Another factor that adds to the frustration which probably fuels this desire, is that I don't like drinking/party scene it is unhealthy and clashes with my fit lifestyle. But I feel that choice has hindered my sexual options in the past and that I deserve compensation.

 

I have yet to act though, perhaps because there has yet to be a convenient enough opportunity, perhaps because I subconsciously think something will go wrong, or perhaps because I have a shred of a conscience in me.

 

I suppose what I am asking is how to either tame this, or actually go about cheating(I know the latter is not sociably acceptable, but I still wouldn't mind feedback). Because it is at the point where it controls parts of my life. Fantasizing about cheating while I have sex ect.

Edited September 14, 2011 by adict2lust20

[Ginger Beer]

So, with a title like that it is pretty clear what I am contemplating is wrong. This is not so much about the morality as it is about how to handle the situation.

 

I am a pretty smart and down to earth guy, but often I get controlled by my hormones. And while this is usually limited to masturbating, recently the urge to mess around with other girls has been creeping on me.

 

A huge part of this is the childish but undeniable sense of entitlement I feel. I was very young when I became sexually aware, but was also pretty awkward and weird. Throughout high school I became increasingly attractive(and am now a male model). I dated a few girls through this transformation, just making out with one, nothing with another, and everything but sex with one. Around the time I met my current gf there was another girl who wanted me, and I made out with her ect. but settled down extremely serious and devoutly to my gf.

 

It's been years now and while I love her, and yes I do love her despite what a scumbag I am, I cannot shake the childish thought that I deserve more intimate encounters with women due to my unideal circumstances from youth. It's to the point that every girl I see who is attractive I consider cheating with. Another factor that adds to the frustration which probably fuels this desire, is that I don't like drinking/party scene it is unhealthy and clashes with my fit lifestyle. But I feel that choice has hindered my sexual options in the past and that I deserve compensation.

 

I have yet to act though, perhaps because there has yet to be a convenient enough opportunity, perhaps because I subconsciously think something will go wrong, or perhaps because I have a shred of a conscience in me.

 

I suppose what I am asking is how to either tame this, or actually go about cheating(I know the latter is not sociably acceptable, but I still wouldn't mind feedback). Because it is at the point where it controls parts of my life. Fantasizing about cheating while I have sex ect.

 

You lot who think it's OK to go to night clubs while in a relationship, are you reading this bit?

 

And OP, if you cheat you're a scumbag. Go and get counseling NOW, before you do something stupid.

 

And I suggest reading the affairs sub-forum to see how bad it will **** you up if you do cheat.

[Severely Unamused]

A couple of options.

 

-Supress your urges for the duration of your relationship. Unrealistic if it goes on for much longer.

 

-Lie and cheat on your gf. Which isn't hard if you stick to ONS or FWB.

 

-Discuss your feelings with your gf and look for other options (e.g. an open relationship with her). Recommended if you respect her feelings.

 

-Break up with her and remain single/enter an open relationship with somebody else. Seems like you aren't the type to get tied down sexually.

 

As you believe that you have genuine pathological issues...get counseling. Go to sex-addicts anonymous ect.

Edited September 14, 2011 by Severely Unamused

[Trimmer]

You speak of your sense of entitlement, and I applaud you for at least being self-aware enough to be able to call it what it is...

 

If you love your girlfriend and know her well enough, do you suppose that she also may feel "entitled" - to a relationship based on some amount of honesty and honor? Don't you suppose that she expects to have a partner who isn't cheating on her?

 

So you speak of your love for her. Prove it. If you intend to go pursue what you feel entitled to, then if you love her and you can't give her what she is entitled to, then be honest with her and give her the chance to make a decision about her relationship based on all the facts and all the truth. Prove you love her - or at least prove that you respect her.

 

Isn't she entitled to that?

[carhill]

For some people it's healthier to remain single and enjoy the variety of people available.

 

Perhaps an open relationship would be an intermediate step if agreeable to your GF and she was encouraged similar freedom of association. You are fine with that, right, meaning that any sexual partner of yours is free to seek out their own libidinous satisfaction with whomever they find attractive?

 

Try some things and gain some life experience. You're young. Lots of life left. Be safe.

[Osiris1234]

I cannot shake the childish thought that I deserve more intimate encounters with women due to my unideal circumstances from youth

 

Just because you had circumstances from youth doesn't mean you deserve more intimate encounters with women, thats just someone with insecurity issues who needs to work them out.

 

Ok then, I believe that since I am a virgin I get to have sex with anyone I want because since I am a virgin I deserve to have sex with any chick I want for however long I want.

 

Yet I don't ever think of that at all, just because im a virgin, I don't ever believe I am entitled to have sex with any woman I want.

 

 

But I feel that choice has hindered my sexual options in the past and that I deserve compensation.

 

You don't deserve ****, you made a choice and now you have to live with it, it was either going to parties and getting laid or having a fit lifestyle and you chose that. Everyone makes their own choices in life and has to live with them. So either leave your gf so she can find someone worth her time and go have your fun or stop acting like you deserve **** that you really don't.

 

I don't mean to sound like an ass but dude, grow the **** up.

[Disenchantedly Yours]

Adict2lust, if the tables where turned around and it was your girlfriend with this problem, how would you want her to behave? Would you want to be cheated on?

 

You might be controlled by your hormones but you don't have to be. I don't doubt that you love your girlfriend. What I doubt is how mature your love is.You're still living in the past and seeking to use women to validate your new attractiveness. That's really what this issue is about. We all get horny but you made the connection to your ackward years vs. now. I agree with the other poster that said you should seek some help to work through those feelings. You don't need to validate your worth through other women. You didn't miss out on anything just because you didn't. You do seem to understand that the atttitude is childish, work with someone on that. No one "deserves" anything as "compensation" in this life. Until you understand that and stop seeking validation for yourself through women, you'll be on a better road.

 

If nothing else, break up with your girlfriend if you want to be with other women. If you really love her, then you have to do right by her *first*. Not do what helps you get the best of both worlds.

[nofool4u]

I suppose what I am asking is how to either tame this, or actually go about cheating(I know the latter is not sociably acceptable, but I still wouldn't mind feedback).

 

nobody worth a damn here will tell you to cheat, or give you tips on how to cheat.

 

don't you think your girlfriend deserves better than someone that wants to cheat? Don't you think she deserves a man that will adore her, and truly love her enough to not even think about asking a forum of people how to cheat on her?

 

if so, then you should let her go.

 

if you don't think she deserves that, well, what can I say?

[TigerCub]

So, with a title like that it is pretty clear what I am contemplating is wrong. This is not so much about the morality as it is about how to handle the situation.

 

I am a pretty smart and down to earth guy, but often I get controlled by my hormones. And while this is usually limited to masturbating, recently the urge to mess around with other girls has been creeping on me.

 

A huge part of this is the childish but undeniable sense of entitlement I feel. I was very young when I became sexually aware, but was also pretty awkward and weird. Throughout high school I became increasingly attractive(and am now a male model). I dated a few girls through this transformation, just making out with one, nothing with another, and everything but sex with one. Around the time I met my current gf there was another girl who wanted me, and I made out with her ect. but settled down extremely serious and devoutly to my gf.

 

It's been years now and while I love her, and yes I do love her despite what a scumbag I am, I cannot shake the childish thought that I deserve more intimate encounters with women due to my unideal circumstances from youth. It's to the point that every girl I see who is attractive I consider cheating with. Another factor that adds to the frustration which probably fuels this desire, is that I don't like drinking/party scene it is unhealthy and clashes with my fit lifestyle. But I feel that choice has hindered my sexual options in the past and that I deserve compensation.

 

Wow, this is exactly why I've always said, if I ever marry, I'd want to marry a guy that's been around the block and had all the experiences he's ever wanted. So none of that "oh, I've never been with many women" sob story...

 

 

I suppose what I am asking is how to either tame this, or actually go about cheating(I know the latter is not sociably acceptable, but I still wouldn't mind feedback). Because it is at the point where it controls parts of my life. Fantasizing about cheating while I have sex ect.

 

What about option #3 - break up with your girlfriend.

Tell her that you're not ready to commit, you feel that you still have some experience to be had that would conflict with a committed, monogamous relationship, and that you'd rather take a break than cheat on her

 

How about that option?

 

Heck, if you don't want to break up with her, and taming this urge isn't really an easy option, and you don't want to cheat - what about discussing an open relationship with her?

Maybe she'd be game for that, maybe she feels entitled the way you do.

 

Give her options. Don't make her choices for her by leaving her in the dark.

 

I applaud your honesty here with us, and hope that you'll take some of that noble quality back to your gf.

[Quiet Storm]

The ability to control and resist our urges comes with maturity.

 

Think of the two year old that throws himself on the floor when Mom says "no". He will gradually learn that just because he feels something, doesn't mean he has to act on it. And that if he does act, there will be consequences.

 

The two year old is mad (feelings) but he learns not to scream and stomp his feet (acting on the feelings) because he knows Mommy will put him in time out (consequence).

 

You are horny for other chicks (feelings) , but you don't have to f-ck them (acting on the feelings) because your girlfriend will be heartbroken and might dump you (consequence).

 

If you feel that the benefit (sex with others) is worth the consequence, then you will cheat. But be prepared to face the music.

 

These urges to have sex with other women are COMPLETELY NORMAL for a young man to have. You desire variety, you want more experiences and that is perfectly healthy. You are rationalizing that you feel this way because you were deprived in high school. But even if you had lots of chicks in HS, you'd probably still want more now. That's okay. Nobody said you had to settle down with one woman.

 

But it's not okay to cheat on your girlfriend.

 

If you choose to act on your urges and she finds out, she will be very hurt. If she says with you she'll probably never trust you again.

 

If you love her, don't you think she deserves better than that? Do you think that what she doesn't know won't hurt her?

 

By cheating, you would be taking her choices away because she doesn't have all the information she needs to determine if you are the kind of guy she wants to be with.

 

If you want to be with other women, let your girlfriend go. Or be honest and tell her about your urges and let HER decide if she wants to be with YOU.

[Doo]

You might as well go ahead and cheat since for all you know, your precious gf may have been cheating on you for years, but you might be too self-centered to be aware of it.

[Vanessa-Anne]

1. Finish the relationship with your girlfriend. Let her go, then cheat all you like - to your hearts content. No problems, No creeping around. But then youve lost her forever, You'll never get back what you have now, it will always be different.

 

or

 

2. Bat the thought away. Possibly get some help, if not then think to yourself how you would feel if you lost your girlfriend. Next time you spend time with her, look at all the cute things she does that you love, appreciate her, look at her properly (you found her attractive/amazing once, you just need to feel it again!). Imagine another guy loving her all the places you love, is it worth it?

 

or

 

3. Be a coward, cheat on her, hurt her... and loose her all the same.

[skywriter]

The fact that you came to a discussion forum, asking for advice and from your very candid, honest post, you're not a bad guy.

 

The impression I get is, you need more time, to find out, who you are and what you want in life.

 

I believe, you need to, let the girlfriend go, and life as a single guy, for a few more years.

[nofool4u]

I guess the truth isn't something he wanted to hear.